• 28Feb 09

  A Praise and A Survey

  Just a quick note before I go to sleep...

  I LOVE the new "lights off" feature for tv.com - It's brilliant, interactive, and shows respect for the desires of the community. I'm impressed. Thanks developers.

  Quick Survey:

  For my next blog would my readers prefer (not that are that many of you, I fear)

  a) an indepth analysis of this season of Gossip Girl (the next installment in my "Top Ten Shows I'm Watching" series)

  or

  b) another "Top Ten Life Lessons" list, this time based on Lifetime movies?

  Let me know in the comments!

  • Posted Feb 28, 2009 10:18 pm GMT
  • Category: Other
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• 18Feb 09

  Life Lessons Learned from Scary Movies

  Top Twelve Life Lessons I've Learned From Watching Scary Movies:

  • Falling out the window of a two story house will most likely not kill you because there will always be a conveniently placed tarp to break your fall.
  • Fences are extremely easy to tear apart, even when you're a petite female with limited upper body strength.
  • The average teenager knows exactly how to dial 911 online. Also, how to clone a cell phone.
  • When a psycho killer is on the loose it's a good idea to stroll down a darkened, deserted street with your unarmed lady friend, instead of driving in your police cruiser.
  • When a serial killer is running rampant and waging attacks on teens at school, most parents will allow their teenagers to go to an un-chaperoned party.
  • Even if you have a hundred people at a party, most likely no one will notice the dead body hanging from the garage door, even though that's where the beer is.
  • Hitting a tree head-on will not kill you, even if you aren't wearing a seatbelt.
  • The average man can easily lift a dead man twice his size and place him on the roof of a van with no ladder in sight and without attracting anyone's notice.
  • Even if you just stepped in it, fresh blood will never stain your Christian Louboutin high heels.
  • It's incredibly easy to drive an umbrella through someone's heart, even with no momentum.
  • Black people don't exist. And if they dare to appear they get killed off almost immediately.

  And the number one life lesson I've learned from Kevin Williamson…

  • If you are blonde and sexy you will die. If you are a brunette, you are virginal and will survive.
  • Posted Feb 18, 2009 12:11 pm GMT
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• 11Feb 09

  Top Ten Shows I'm Watching Part One

  I've decided to get back to enjoying what this site is all about. Drama the old-fashioned way. How, you ask?

  Primetime, naturally!

  When I was a kid, my BFF and I loved to make lists, Letterman styIe, while we whiled away the snore-fest currently known as A.P. History. In a moment of nostalgia, which came about mostly by hanging out in her high school bedroom, we decided to do it again but with (a LOT) of commentary. So without further ado, I present...

  The Top Ten Shows I've Been Watching This Season
  Warning: Spoilers included if you haven't seen recently aired episodes

  Part One

  By Adelette and BebeGirl, commentary by Adelette

  90210: The New CIass
  Okay so the show isn't actually called The New CIass but it might as well be. Anyone over 20 (am I showing my age here?) should remember the original version of Saved by the Bell in all it's badly acted and terribly written glory. But most of us loved it anyway. How could you not love Screech with his terrible hair, Zach with his rakish grin, or Jesse with her idealistic feminism? The show was a hit despite all odds and we gobbled it up. And so producers, being the money hungry sharks that they are, saw dollar signs. So when the kids aged out, they made a new version... with less pretty, less funny actors that couldn't overcome the simple fact that they just weren't the originals.

  Unfortunately, that's exactly what is happening with 90210 2.0. The cast, while attractive enough (or most of them anyway), just doesn't have the chemistry that cIassic 90210 did. And it certainly doesn't have the talent. Some might say it's unfair to compare the two, but when you give a new show the same name as it's superior original, comparisons are damn near impossible to avoid.

  The first problem this show has is its lead. Shenae Grimes, who stars as Annie, is almost unbearable to watch. Besides the fact that she desperately needs acting lessons, and that her voice sounds like it belongs to a whiny six-year-old, she's terrible to look at. Someone needs to tell her that her anorexia is showing. Seriously. The signs that this girl is sick are obvious. Forget the sunken cheeks, the under eye shadows, and the knifelike collarbone. The best way to tell if a girl isn't eating is to check out her hair and nails. Shiny, thick hair indicates a healthy immune system. Limp, dull hair and cracked, yellowed nails indicate a vitamin deficiency. And no doubt: Her hair has lost its luster. And no amount of product can hide that for long. The producers of this show need to sit her down, stat, and get the girl some help. Forget the questionable ethics of turning an anorexic teen into a national role model. Let's get real: Anorexia is deadly. Do they want their star pushing up daisies? It's a little hard to continue a show when your main star kicks it. Just ask John Ritter's co-stars from the now defunct 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter. Even bringing in David Spade couldn't save that show from extinction once their lead was dead. They should especially consider 90210's target audience: teenagers like to think that they are invincible. If one of their own dies, they might not be too likely to watch that show anymore. After all, television is supposed to provide an escape from reality, not slap you in the face with it.

  90210's second problem is that they have fallen into every cliché teen storyline one can imagine. Addiction. Pregnancy. Divorce. And the one storyline that actually interested me... the one that actually had potential was decimated in one scene. I'm talking about the story surrounding Ethan, the Car Accident, and the Teenage Victim. They set up a nice arc where Ethan feels guilty for harming Rhonda and is surprised by her blunt and not-so-positive opinion of him. When he asks her where she goes to school she gives him the smack-down. Ethan looks about as tall as my big toe as she reminds him that he's in one of her cIasses, but because she isn't a popular fashionista, or a homecoming queen he didn't even notice her existence. (Um, excuse me but isn't his girlfriend a theatre geek, Navid a journalist, and Silver, an anti-prom queen?) Regardless, Rhonda opens Ethan up to a whole new way of looking at life and he decides to unselfishly help her with her recovery. Their friendship could have led to lots of new characters. It could have grown organically into all sorts of new storylines. It was a brave choice... much stronger than sticking like glue to what's already a proven formula.

  But of course the writers decided that if you aren't a popular beauty queen in Beverly Hills who already hangs out with the rich and privileged, then of course you must have an evil agenda designed to force your way into their circle. Because of course, EVERYONE wants to hang out with the Naomi Clark's of this world. In the show ruining moment, Rhonda jumps out of bed and grabs the remote behind the back of an oblivious Ethan, who believes Rhonda is weak, vulnerable, and shaky-footed. He practically lifts her into bed but the moment his back is turned she's practically turning cartwheels. Hey, maybe she can be a cheerleader, miraculously turn popular, and 90210 can add another vapid, blonde (like there aren't enough?) to the cast, who can say things like "Wow, Ethan, you are SO hot!" and spell "Go Ethan!" with her arms. Or maybe they can just rip off Fatal Attraction and One Tree Hill and have her microwave a bunny. Because that's exactly where this predictable, already been done a thousand times, storyline is going.

  Then there are the characters. (Or should I say lack thereof?) Annie's personality is dull, bland, and uninspired. Dixon, though sweet, is your ordinary everyman, Naomi flirts with having layers but ultimately doesn't, and Adrianna, perhaps has TOO many layers. Seriously... her storyline is one after school special after another. Next they'll have a "touching" storyline where a sterile Brenda adopts Adrianna's baby in an open adoption. The parents don't seem to have any personality either. Only Tabitha and Silver show any real promise and the former has already been cut from regular to recurring.

  Finally, the show relied far too heavily on the return of Kelly and Brenda, and the ensuing media circus, to garner ratings. Instead of publicity ploys and playing on viewer nostalgia, they needed to concentrate on a strong script backed by a stellar cast. While the media circus definitely brought in viewers, it certainly didn't keep them.

  Can this show be saved? It's hard to guess. It could very well be too late. Hiring Buffy and Gilmore Girls vet Rebecca Rand Kirshner to helm the show is a step in the right direction. They also need to hire writers who understand what their genre is, who their audience is and, and how to play to them. While Jeff Judah and Gabe Sachs might be good at writing for men, they certainly don't understand the female young adult. That scene in the first episode involving oral sex and played for laughs did nothing to engage the audience they're looking to captivate. In fact, for some it turned them right off. Not to mention the fact that it alienated viewers from a character they clearly wanted us to embrace. Word to the wise: Girls don't like players unless they're of the Dylan McKay bad-boy kind and Ethan Ward will never be a Dylan McKay. Ever.

  Speaking of which, Dylan McKay could be just the thing to bring this show back from the point of ratings extinction. Unfortunately, Luke Perry refuses to reprise his role, thus thwarting any hope of an onscreen Brenda/Dylan/Kelly reunion triangle. Personally, I don't understand the reluctance unless it's because he's embarrassed to be on such an awful show... in that case, here's hoping Kirshner can turn this show around into the kind of ratings cow that the original was. Maybe then we'll get another peak at those famous sideburns.

  Well that's all for now. We'll be back soon with the second installment in this series, chronicling the adventures of Blair, Chuck, Lil J, and the rest of the Upper East Side Gang when we review this season of Gossip Girl and all the dirt that goes along with it...

  Until then, friends!

  • Posted Feb 11, 2009 7:45 am GMT
  • Category: TV
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