It's the 23rd Wonder of The Internet.

• 31Oct 12

  Loose Ends

  In years past, my GameSpot anniversary is what I liked to call A BIG DEAL. There were vlogs and celebrations and tuna references. This year, however, my fourth anniversary (on October 28) came and went without much in the way of fanfare, mostly due to the fact that my presence on GameSpot has been almost ZERO since August. However, I came back the other day to rate a few games and matastig begged and pleaded for me to come back and post blogs like in the good old days.

  And after many months of being away, I'm pleased to see all of my favorite glitches are still here, and that the site is as slow-moving as ever. I bet if I went onto the message boards, I would get BONK'd right off the bat! Am I right? Anyway, this is NOT a return to the good old days, matastig. This is the last blog I will ever write on this site, and the only reason I'm doing it (to be honest) is to drum up some excitement for the new Catz Clan Sanctuary, which has established itself quite nicely in a new home away from GameSpot

  But in the spirit of the GOOD OLD DAYS, in addition to tying up some loose ends, I will share some exciting anecdotes about the life and times of Aidan McKenzie, make a broccoli reference, and boast about the greatness of my Level 100 Goldeen, which is (of course) in the top percentile of all Goldeens.

  First and foremost, I went to CHICAGO last week and was able to have one of the greatest experiences of my life (outside of the bedroom). I had the privilege and honor of witnessing the extraordinary LEGEND OF ZELDA: SYMPHONY OF THE GODDESSES at the legendary Chicago Theater.

  

  
  We had some truly amazing seats. I paid dearly for them (as they were the most expensive seats in the house), but boy was it worth it. The concert was beyond amazing! And I have to admit, I might have even gotten a little emotional when they got to the Wind Waker movement of the show, and the conductor brought out *THE* Wind Waker to conduct that portion of the show. I love Wind Waker, and hearing its music brought to life on stage by an orchestra, with the titular item being used to conduct said orchestra... it was beyond amazing.

  There were also a ton of great (and some not-so-great) cosplayers there.

  

  

  

  

  

  

  

  ALSO: Somebody vomited on the floor.
  

  I also had a chance to get out there and take some great shots of Chicago itself. What a great city! And WINDY.

  

  

  

  

  My photography career is also coming along rather nicely. I've been hired by the local library to produce an entire calendar for them to sell. They've loved everything I've done so far, and just gave me the last few details they wanted to include in that beast, so now I can go off and actually get it made. Pretty nice. If you want one, I'd be more than happy to sell one to you at full price!

  ---

  In the realm of video games, I just recently finished off Borderlands 2. It's a great game... well, it's actually the same game as the first Borderlands, but like, with different characters and locations. Which isn't such a bad thing considering how good the first game is. My only beef with it is that the missions are SO LONG. If you can't get through any given mission in one sitting, it's back to the VERY beginning the next time you play, which really, REALLY sucks if you don't have time to sit and play for hours on end.

  Since I was threatening to NOT get a Wii-U right away, Satoru Iwata had Reggie brick my Wii last month. It sounds like one of those really old dot matrix printers whenever it tries (and fails) to read a disc And thus, my hand was forced and I had to preorder a Wii-U. I'm sure it will collect just as much dust as the Wii did.

  HALO 4. I AM READY. After years of playing Reach, I am pleased to announce that my skill level has finally increased from HORRIBLE to BAD. I'm almost bordering on mediocre now! I LIVE FOR MEDIOCRITY!

  ---

  
  Here is a random picture of my new shoes.

  Anyway, I think that's about it for me. Forever. I'm done with this place. I might check in every now and then to rate some games and keep track of my collection, but never again will you see my smiling emoticons on the message boards or commenting on your blogs. I have moved to the Catz Clan Sanctuary, and things there are all sugar and rainbows.

  The best thing is... well, for one, I'm in charge. Well, Courtney is in charge, but I'm second banana (even though she doesn't actually do anything). We have levels and titles, just like GS. If you want to continue blogging, we have blogs there, too. We have an achievement system. We have sigs and avatars (which are MUCH bigger than the ones here). We have all of your old favorite GameSpot users, too, like Courtney and TwilightLullaby, VideoGamerNerd, Kylts, DrAwesome, stalpno, GreenFire. And even some users that are universally loathed, such as Out-Of-Ammo and Dragon66116! We even have a burping contest going on right now, which is perhaps one of the more bizzare things I've seen.

  ALSO: We have Donkey Kong Country emoticons. And Kirby ones. And My Little Pony emoticons, if that floats your boat.

  ALSO ALSO: You can type the word F*** and not have to censor it. Which I like. Because, I am a frequent user of that word.

  ALSO ALSO ALSO: In case you're not a fan of dear, sweet baby kittens, rest assured, we NEVER talk about cats. In fact, I don't think that has happened one time. *shrug*

  So, as I conclude this blog, I hope to see you there. I know that I probably won't, because for some reason, you all like to suffer here in squalor and misery, but you won't see my ass here ever again.

  • Posted Oct 31, 2012 12:24 pm GMT
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• 2Feb 12

  Downward Thrust

  I'm Commander Shepard, and this is my favorite cake on the Citadel.

  

  My birthday was this past weekend!!!!!!!!! I turned 19 It is hard to believe that when I first joined GameSpot all those years ago, I was an adorablelittle15 year old. So youthful. So radiant. So often mistaken for a girl. So much has changed since then, and we are not about to review any of it, because I don't feel like typing a long and introspective blog right now Besides, I have an exciting rant coming up! So just take a moment to celebrate the day that your beloved Aidan-kun was unceremoniously spawned from a fetid bog in Michigan

  ---

  
  Since Slyfur complained she didn't get a car in my last blog, here's a... mobile snail for her..... That's my private chopper, btw.

  ---

  

  And finally, I must issue a retraction. In my exciting "Game of the Year" blog last month, I proudly proclaimed that The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword was my game of the year. I praised the characters, the gameplay, the story, the music, and just about everything else about the game. I was about halfway through the game at that point, and felt that I had a good impression of what the game was all about.

  And then, this Monday, I had the misfortune of completing the game. The game that GameSpot gave a 7.5. I was upset at the time, but in retrospect, that 7.5 was about on the mark. The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword tanks at the end. It tanks BADLY. It takes all of that promise from the opening hours and squanders it, delivering one of the most tedious, tiresome, disappointing, and in places, flat-out BAD Zelda experiences known to exist. As a result, I can no longer consider Skyward Sword as my 2011 game of the year, and by default, the award goes to Skyrim, as I had predicted all along.

  So what, exactly, prompted this unfortunate turn of events? (Spoilers ahead, btw.)

  From the outset, Skyrward Sword was treading thin ice. It has a grand total of three areas for Link to explore, and none of them are very large. And to say that Link can explore these areas is being generous. You are only granted access to them as is dictated necessary by the plot, and deviation from that inexorable march through the story is virtual impossible. For the first third of Skyward Sword, none of this is really a problem. The game's strong narrative constantly takes you to from one new area to the next and allows you to traverse some of Skyward Sword's excellently crafted dungeons. You're always doing something different and new, and of course, the brilliant swordplay makes the early hours of Skyward Sword the perfect 10 that I had previously granted the game.

  Then you reach the middle of the game. As is the case with all Zelda games, the story begins to fade at this point, as Link is in the middle of his quest to collect some generic trinkets. In Twilight Princess, it was mirror shards. In Ocarina of Time, it was those sage medallions. In A Link to the Past, it was the maidens. In Skyward Sword, Link is looking to power up his sword with blessings from the three goddesses. Whatever the case, the narrative is always on hold at this point, until Link completes that portion of his quest. And this is when things started to go downhill for Skyward Sword. In the other games, Link is still visiting new areas... the Spirit Temple, Snowpeak, Turtle Rock, The Earth Temple... the list goes on in on. However, since Skyward Sword only has three areas for Link to explore, he is thusly forced to go back and revisit them again. In fact,Link even gets to revist the exact same temples that he had previously cleared! Things aren't exactly bad at this point... a little tedious in places, but there is still enough variety to keep things interesting.

  That changes in a hurry once you get the Master Sword.

  In most other Zelda games, once Link is done traversing Hyrule's myriad dungeons, the plot returns and Link is off to go kick Ganondorf's ass. Or, in the case of Wind Waker, collect the triforce shards, and THEN go kick Ganondorf's ass in one of the best final boss battles of all time. Skyward Sword *should* have ended at this point. Link should have marched off to that final dungeon, fought his way through to the end, and ultimately, put Demise in his place. It would have made for a 35-40 hour game, which is nothing to sneeze at. Sure, that's nowhere near as long as Twilight Princess, but that doesn't matter. It would have made for a satisfactory conclusion to Skyward Sword.

  Alas, Nintendo sends you on a quest to retrieve The Song of the Hero before you can open that final dungeon. The journey to retrieve the Song of the Hero essentially amounts to six or seven hours of fetch quests, backtracking, battling the Imprisoned, and more fetch quests--and on top of all of that, your annoying chatty companion, Fi, chooses this trying time to assert herself as the worst chatty companion that Link has ever had. Fi holds your hand and coddles you for the duration of Link's journey, but it is here, and the end of all things, that Fi becomes a nightmare.

  You come upon a locked door. Fi calculates there is a 90% chance you need to go through that door, and suggests that you find a key. You find a key. Fi calculates there is an 85% chance the key will open the locked door that you just passed. Let me tell you something... if can't figure out that a key will open the locked door that you just passed five minutes earlier... in a ZELDA game (at the END of the game, no less)... you have bigger problems than a locked door, my friend. The level of hand-holding at this point in the game is ridiculous. Fi is relentless with her calculations and observations, and you're going to hear them whether you want to or not. At least Navi knew when the shut the hell up.

  
  Master, according to my calculations, there is an 85% chance that swinging your rightarm while holding the Wii Remote will cause your sword to move, as well. This could prove useful when you wish to defeat an enemy.

  So, you're traversing the same three areas over. And over. And over again, doing nothing but fetch quests. You're collecting spirit shards. You're collecting tadpoles... underwater. You're collecting all of your equipment after getting mugged by bokoblins. Fi is constantly hounding you with her calculations and blatantly obvious observations. This is one of the most tedious, tiresome sequence of events to ever find its way intoa Zelda game. This is not enjoyable. In fact, I hate to say it, but this portion of the game is just flat-out bad. It has NO redeeming qualities whatsoever.

  Once it is over, you are granted access to the final dungeon and the fateful confrontations with Ghirahim and Demise, all of which return to the level of excellence that graced the earlier portions of the game. The credits roll, give you a nice, satisfying ending... and yet, you're still left with a very bad taste in your mouth. I think that Nintendo clearly needs to consider hiring me to consult on the next Zelda game, since they clearly have no concept of what makes for a good Zelda game anymore.

  I did like that last cut scene, though. Zelda is asking Link if he wants to live on the surface, and he's about to be all like "HELL NO, I'm going back up to the sky!"And then his bird flies away without him

  ....Well, I could go on about how the game usually registered my forward thrusts as a vertical spin attack. And about how much I hated Fi. But I think that's enough ranting for now. So.... rant over. Skyward Sword has been stripped of its Game of the Year honors and its score has been reduced to a 7.0.Skyrim, despite its glitches, assumes the title of 2011 Game of the Year.

  BYE

  • Posted Feb 2, 2012 5:04 pm GMT
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• 22Jan 12

  Vroom, Vroom

  It's that time of year again. And no, I don't mean it's time for my yearly bath. It's only January. I'm saving that for like... August or something, when I might actually be dirty enough to require bathing. This, friends, is my third annual North American International Auto Show blog, or in other words, the blog where I show off pictures of some pretty sweet rides that I don't know anything about.

  But first, I should like to remind you that a certain somepony's birthday is coming up. And I'm not talking about AlmightyMax or YoshiKoopa.Or mario-nin-freak. I'm talking about the IMPORTANT one. The one on January 29. You still have a few shopping days left. Just saying. Anyway, onto the cars!

  
  Ahh, the Renaissance Center. General Motors world headquarters. Downtown Detroit.

  

  
  First up, because I don't actually know what that blue car is in the first pic, is an image of the sound system I want to have installed in the back of my Pontiac G5. I don't think that would actually fit in the truck of my car, but I'm willing to make some modifications. This thing was BEAST. Man, with the bass turned up on that, I could probably level a building.

  

  
  Here we have some sort of Lexus. I don't know what kind (possibly an LFA), but it's their attempt at making a sports car. I think they succeeded Using the vast amounts of money available to me, I got this beast for DrAwesomeMD. I hope he enjoys it more than that FF13-themed Segway I got for him last year

  
  I'm a big fan of the Mustang, and here we have the Boss 302. And Courtney's cousin in that orange Aeropostale shirt in the background.Because he was upset that he didn't get anything last year, this car is most certainly for GreenFire.TwilightLullaby gets Cousin Ryan, because she needs a man in her life. I'll skip the obvious joke about riding Cousin Ryan for now.

  
  Winning the "WHAT IS THIS? I DON'T EVEN--" category is... this... thing. It's some sort of Kia Smart Car. I think. And it comes with a bike.

  
  Since they come as a set, I will give it away to a set--Sirra, MrJenkins, and Wetty can fight over who gets what, but clearly, this strange group of people deserve this strange group of vehicles.......

  
  Here we have a wicked Hot Wheels Camaro... The color on this thing was just amazing. And since he likes his toys (even if you don't play with them and just stick them on a pedestal), I have no choice but to bestow upon Dragon66116 this amazing vehicle.

  
  Here we have the Honda NSX concept car. It's sleek. Stylish.Awesome. Since I don't know anybody with those qualities here on GS, this car will go undistributed.

  
  Here's another Boss 302. You're looking at my next car. I WANT ONE OF THESE SO BAD. Alas, clocking in at $40,000, I don't think I'll be getting one any time soon

  
  Here on the opposite end of the awesome spectrum,we have the Chevy EN-V. It's apparently an environmentally friendly smart car that can drive itself. It's so cultured full of that ridiculous "styIe" that only AlmightyMax can properly appreciate this... "vehicle" for what it is.

  
  It's an Audi. And it's a really sweet shade of blue. That's all I know.

  
  This is the Hyundai Genesis Coupe, a pretty sleek little car. Ammo?

  
  The Subaru BRZ. Hmm... since YoshiKoopa's birthday is coming up... You're not having a bad winter in MN, are you? I don't think this thing will handle in the snow

  
  *SLUG* WHITE ONE! Here we have the VW E-Bugster. That really strange looking "C" on the front bumper is some sort of reflective material, I think. It looks kinda weird in the pic, but on the car itself it looked nice. ANYWAY, since she already drives aBug in Aidan Chronicles, Ican *TOTALLY* see TwilightLullaby driving around her new man, Cousin Ryan,in this thing.

  
  This beast of a truck is some sort of Toyota. I know how much HurricaneAlex loves his F-150, but this thing is built like tank, and his neighbor will have a hard time stealing sandbags out of the back of it. Also, it has a REALLY sweet paint job. And it's DC. My shoes are DC (uninteresting fact for the day).

  
  Winner of the "COOLEST DISPLAY RUINED BY AN OLDGUY IN A HIDEOUS SWEATER" award. He would not move Actually, he smelled like he dropped a deuce in his pants, if you know what I mean, so that position he has assumed on the car could very well be............ YEAH. Moving on!

  
  Here we have.... uh... well... it's a car. And it's orange.

  
  And finally, we have the Kia Optima Hybrid. It was inspired by a basketball, a theme that carries through to the interior. There are like, basketball courts for floor mats and stuff This fine vehicle is for Koopa_Shell, even though he is never here, I just know he would want a car like this. Then again, he might one the version inspired by the score board, and not the basketball itself....

  ---

  It has been ages since I've advertisedAidan Chronicles here, mostly because the plot is now so intermingled between episodes that it's almost impossible sit down and watch it without knowledge of what has happened in the previous episodes. Alas, the newest episode, "In the Beginning," somewhat bucks this trend.

  Once, a long time ago, somebody left a comment on my blog that suggested the story of how I met Courtney would make for a nice little movie or something. I actually kept that thought in mind, and it has transformed into this episode ofAidan Chronicles. So this is... a MOSTLY true story.

  If you haven't seen Aidan Chronicles before, I must warn you that there is always the possibility of strong language, sexual situations, and crude humor. If you are not fond of such things, do not watch. It's also 39 minutes and 143 MB if you're concerned about such things. I can't tell short stories. I'm sorry

  "In the Beginning"

  

  If you're interested in more Aidan Chronicles, visit this threadfor the complete list of episodes.

  • Posted Jan 22, 2012 12:00 pm GMT
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