• 13Apr 08

  "Security Device Enclosed"

  I recently purchased Sins of a Solar Empire from Amazon.com. I got free Super-Saver shipping (I'm cheap, okay?) and I eagerly awaited the arrival of my new toy. The ship date was a lie; the game shipped a week before the estimated date. The package tracking was also a lie; my game arrived without ever leaving Kentucky. Not that I'm complaining, I got my game a week and a half before I expected to. However, upon receiving my game, I realized that I was the butt of some sadistic joke.

  After picking up my package from the college mail room and hurrying back to my room I proceeded to open the box, breaking the shipping sticker and some tape to get it open. Inside the box, the game was vacuum-wrapped to a receipt. Fine. I tore the vacuum packing open and was met with the typical plastic wrap surrounding a PC game. I quickly removed this layer and figured that I was home-free. Not so. The game was in a cardboard sleeve. Why you put a cardboard sleeve inside the plastic wrapping is beyond me, but there it was. I slid the sleeve off and proceeded to open my game... or tried to at least. What I failed to notice was that the top and the bottom of the case were sealing with stickers as if a box, two layers of plastic, and a cardboard sleeve weren't enough to keep the game in. I sliced the stickers, and noticed something peculiar. The sticker on the bottom read "Security Device Enclosed." Yeah, because I'm going to be able to steal a game that's sticker-sealed in a case slid inside a cardboard sleeve surrounded by two layers of plastic shoved in a stickered and taped box.

  Now, Mr. Amazon.com, whoever you are, I'm coming for you. I'm going to get you back for encasing my game inside a miniature technology Alcatraz. I am going to glue all your clothes to your dresser drawer, plastic wrap it shut, seal it inside a box, and then place it in front of your bedroom door before lighting your house on fire and surrounding it with a shark-infested moat. We'll see how you like it.

  • Posted Apr 13, 2008 1:42 pm GMT
  • Category: Humor
  • 1 Comment
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