• 5Sep 08

  Aleatoric

  I am a bit of all. I am all of none.
  
  Expiratorial
  Sanatorium
  Terratories
  Historical
  Clydorides
  (Becomes my own but still has the same purpose and meaning)
  
  But on to the aleatoric.
  She's the most elusive. She's the most catchable. You think you know, you never know. How can one know someone so well when they themselves have no idea and understand it can change on a moments notice?
  Discouragable. But don't let it discourage you. Realize that it's not your own fault if someone is inapproachable but to still try. You never know what you will find.
  Give ample chance. Don't give too many chances. Once one shows true colors don't give in. Remember them and don't look back. Still give kindness and never give respect.
  Be smart enough to know you do not know anything. Bring it up. Remind yourself. Don't get cocky. How can you stand out when you are just the same?
  Stand out. Don't follow suit. Be apart. Be with on some things though. Never compromise with what though.
  Be loved but don't love. It's not going to work out anyways. (but do care, just not enough to get you into trouble)
  Admire AND be admired. Remind them why they like you.
  Be frightened but do it anyways. Being frightened is normal. So completely. When that compelling nature takes over give in. For a little while.
  Be open and be closed. Let people think they have the upper hand. Don't give it to them though. Make someone think they matter. When really you matter.
  Be addictive, not addicted. Have little things you adore but nothing you need. Be ready to change quickly. Adapt. Evolve. But don't change the essentials. Ever. Be completely different yet just the same in 20 years.
  My doll.
  My persona.
  Random.
  Not so random.
  Meaning.
  Meaningless.
  Aleatoric.
  • Posted Sep 5, 2008 4:52 am GMT
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• 2Sep 08

  This quiet seige

  Sleep remains ever elusive. But this is nothing new to me. Anxiety is near and unavoidable. But this is nothing new to me. The struggle for dominance of my sanity is reaching a critical level of which the mass is about to bubble over. Who says bubbles are always fun?
  
  Changing skins would be a nice treat. But how many would we go through until we realize that the consistency of our discontentment is not only what we thought it to be? Would one then see that it is deeper? No happy medium. No happy.
  
  I must admit that I think I identify with Santa tonight. She seems like the perfect fit with me. Mayhaps I have a bit of my own Santa in me and she is shining and smiling. Watching through the eyes. Waiting.
  
  I fear I am making little sense to anyone who is not the little creature in my mind running in its silly loops to create these thoughts.
  
  I had an allergic reaction to some medication (pain killers). Fun. My first drug allergy. Guess it was a pretty serious one too. I looked quite disgusting for a few days with welts up and down my body. Luckily appears to be better now. Also good news, my wonderful tattoo was left being ok and welt free. So yay for it!
  
  Speaking of tattoos, I am still hoping to get two others within the next couple of years. I want Anne Boleyn and Elizabeth's signatures (which is really hard to find documents that have lasted that long) on my upper back. In case anyone didn't know, my only one currently is a Buffy logo. Super awesome, I know. Ok, ok. I really know. Super lame.
  
  
  (Super lame!)
  
  I am really in the mood for some ribs. But sadly I cannot find any. I think they stopped making the ones I like.
  • Posted Sep 2, 2008 12:02 am GMT
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• 17Apr 08

  I hate cars, I love house-guests

  My car has been giving me many problems this week. I brought it in on Monday and waited around all day just to find out the mechanic couldn't get to it. Then yesterday I took it in again. It was fixed this time. What did I have done? My rear brakes needed replaced. Everything ok, went to my grandma's for dinner, on my way home and BOOM. Followed by a boom every time the wheel turns. Where is it coming from? Why of course it has to be from one of the brakes that was just fixed. It was a loud boom and shook my whole car every time the boom would boom. So I got to drop it off right back at the mechanics. Luckily my grandma is letting me borrow her car so I was able to get home last night and now I can take my daughter to school today. The mechanic called a little bit ago and said it was ready. Wow though, I am still nervous as can be to drive it now!
  
  I am getting a house-guest this weekend! Tomorrow afternoon this person is coming in and is staying until Tuesday morning. We have plans to go to the zoo (we've decided to go even if it is raining) and just be really really lazy and watch DVDs for most of the time. This person is also someone I met on this site. My fake little brother, Doug! (See my last blog.) Hopefully all goes well. Although, my step-grandfather thinks he is a scammer and Doug's grandmother thinks I'm just manipulating him for money and pity. Old people.
  
  For those of you who do not know, Doug went to meet another tv.com member last summer. He met Hannah (ScoobySummers) and they had a blast. He flew there that time and this time he is planning on driving here. It's a 7 hour drive to please wish him safe traveling. He only has 4 hours total of highway driving in so far, so hopefully he will be alright. I know his mother is worried about him for the reason of the drive.
  
  Doug wants a sugar glider. As soon as I turned on my webcam and showed him Tiggy for the first time he has wanted a sugar glider badly. His mother has agreed to let him get one. This weekend he gets to meet his first real sugar glider and from what he has told me, he is very excited. After interacting with her and seeing how demanding she really is, he will really be able to tell if they are the right pet for him.
  
  I made Doug watch Farscape (one of my favorite shows). He fell in love with it but still has two episodes and the movie left to watch. We plan on finishing it out here. He has a little stuffed DRD named Blip he is bringing. I also have a little stuffed DRD but not named Blip. For fans of the show, you may get the name. It's name is 1816. I know Crichton's DRD buddy is 1812 but my favorite band, Rasputina, has a song called 1816, The Year Without a Summer and I figured 1816 and 1812 both being songs it would fit well.
  
  Ok, this blog is too long already. Have a good rest of the week and weekend everyone!
  • Posted Apr 17, 2008 5:39 am GMT
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