Gamespot Unicorn Haven
We finally have internet set up in our new house. My only internet access for nearly a week has been through work. Due to the nature of my previous blog, it seemed, shall we say, "unwise" to check and post blogs from my work computer. But now, thanks to the nice Cable One installer who set up all the hardware in about 15 minutes, I am finally back online from home.
Since we moved to a new district we had to get a new wireless modem/gateway, so I need to re-set up all our wireless devices. Every single one, including the consoles. I look forward to a few hours of work on that tomorrow. For now, I have read all the blogs I missed out on, but not commented on all of them. In fact, I commented in a very small number. I apologize to everyone I left uncommented. I am tired, and my brain is not quite working right, so I do not have a lot of thinking capabilities right now.
In addition to the above, the new wireless gateway means brand new setup of access rules, with in turn means my Dungeon Runners client can't get online, and that makes me sad.
There are some good news though: After several fruitless trips to the local EB Games I have finally managed to get my hands on a copy of The World Ends With You. I am really looking forward to playing that one.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go look at the MWSU boards. I don't think I'll post much, but I want to see what has happened while I was gone. 
As a part of my on-going plan to make it impossible for me to check this website from work, I have decided to post a tale from my job here, in my Gamespot blog. It is tragic, but in such a hilarious way that the mindless butchering of a laptop can be over-looked for the sheer entertainment value the rest of this story has to offer.
Arcadius, monco59, nocoolnamejim, OrkHammer007, raven28256, RK-Mara, SYdoggXxX, tclvis, xboxrulze and all my other readers who know your way around the insides of a computer, this one is for you.
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Sometimes, there are no word for how strangely surprising a situation is. I will do my best to describe this one anyway. It has been quite a while since the events below took place, and I have now mulled over them long enough that I think I want to share them.
It didn't happen to me. I heard the story from the co-worker that experienced it, and I am now passing this one to you. It begins thus:
Where I work we do not earn commission. My individual bonus is determined partly by how well the company as a whole does, but the vast majority of it is based on whether I, as an employee of the company, in my role as Customer Service Representative, do a good job. If you, the customer, feel that I have answered your questions, solved your problem, and contributed to a pleasant experience when you called our customer service, and if I have done it swiftly enough that the wait time in the phone queue is kept to a minimum, without making the call seem rushed in any way, then I will receive a bonus. If I fail in any of the above, then I won't. Therefore, though we are encouraged to promote sales whenever we can, that is not actually the point of what we do, which in turn is what lead to the strangely surprising situation that I am now finally about to tell you.
A certain gentleman, let's call him Mr X, contacts our customer service and wants us to help him determine exactly what kind of memory he needs for his computer. He spoke to one of my co-workers, S, who has been with the company long enough to know our products very well and who therefore is able to be very helpful. He gives Mr X all the information he needs, Mr X thanks him and ends the call to go shop around and see where he can get the best possible deal on his new memory. He finds that deal in a surprising place: A local computer store.
The story is a bit unclear at this point, as we have only Mr X's word on what was happening. Mr X claims that he relayed all the information S gave him to the sales person, including the memory serial number, and that he therefore made his purchase on S's indirect recommendation. That is important, since that means that S, and by extension the company S and I work for, are responsible for why Mr X bought the memory module he did. At least Mr X believes so.
When Mr X came home he proceeded to open his laptop to install the new memory, and that was when he discovered that a regular DIMM that he had purchased, designed for a desktop computer, is far too long for the slot in a laptop. As a matter of fact, it is about twice the length of the memory slot in the laptop. So here Mr X is, with his laptop that he wants to upgrade, and with a memory module that is far too long for the slot in the laptop. But that is a small problem for a mechanically inclined man who owns a dremel, right?
Yes, he did.
He really did.
He cut the DIMM in half, and trimmed it until it would fit in the laptop's memory slot.
I need to mention something important here. A memory module has two main parts to it: the black components, a.k.a the chips, and the multi-layer printed circuit board (PCB). Vastly over-simplified, a PCB is made from lots of thin layers of a non-conductive material, and then there's a conductive layer, usually copper. The circuits are etched into the board, by removing the copper from where there is no need for electricity to go. A multi-layer PCB consists of several very thin separately etched PCBs bonded together. So there are several layers of electronic circuits in the little green "plastic" board the chips are attached to. If you cut through a multi-layer PCB, the cutting will rearrange the circuitry and make the electricity go in directions it was not supposed to, at times when it was not supposed to.
And that is why, when the dremel modified memory module was installed, it short-circuited so badly that it caught fire.
Mr X was quite unhappy with this turn of events, salvaged the parts of the memory module from the mess of charred and melted plastic that used to be an expensive laptop, and then he returned to the computer store to demand a refund, since the memory destroyed his laptop. The store manager informed Mr X that warranty claims are handled by the product manufacturer, and referred him to us.
Mr X contacts our customer service department, the returns division, and finds himself speaking with H. Now, H has been at this job for a couple of years as well, and has enough credibility and credit with management that he gets away with a lot. H informed Mr X that when the part is purchased from one of our resellers we do not guarantee that it will be compatible, and furthermore, if a part is modified in any way it is no longer under warranty. Mr X responded that the part was not modified, it was destroyed by fire, and therefore still under warranty.
No one in the entire customer service department can ever remember seeing H speechless before. However, he recovered swiftly, repeated that the module was no longer under warranty, and the call ended soon thereafter.
Mr X called back, requested a manger, and repeated his demands. The manager repeated H's answer, that the memory has been modified with the help of a dremel and therefore no longer has a warranty. Mr X replies that since nothing in the product documentation states that the memory should not be modified with a dremel, we are obligated to honour the warranty. The manager explains that there is a flaw in Mr X's logic, and that no reimbursement whatsoever will be given for the melted laptop.
Mr X has now filed a case with the Better Business Bureau, stating all of the above, and demanding restitution.
I am at a complete loss for words.
The first time I ever posted this on a blog was on May 18, 2007. That's two days past one year ago. I found this text when going through old back-ups in the search of something all else, and I started reading. I'm rather proud of the fact that a year later, I still stand behind every word.
Pay close attention everyone, because I have something important to say. And I'll only bother to say it this once, so if you don't pay attention now, you'll miss it completely. Are you ready? Here we go:
It's not a phase.
I'm not going outgrow this.
I'm thirty years old now, so whatever is in my personality is probably not going to "grow away". You would have to talk me into changing it.
You may think I'm being childish, for all I know you think I am immature and pretty weird. You may even look at me and see some sort of freak who refuses to accept that she's not a teenager anymore. Well, in that case: We need to talk.
Let's ignore the absurdity of the notion that one look at me would tell you everything about me for a moment, and focus on what matters here: You have absolutely no basis for your assumptions, and you have no right whatsoever to judge me. And while you might think certain things are childish and immature, has it occurred to you that your opinion (and that's all it is, an opinion) might not be as valid to everyone else as it is to you?
Now, I understand if you won't listen to me, given that I'm probably very biased. I'm talking about myself and my life after all. My own opinion, especially about what matters to me, is not enough to convince anyone, and it shouldn't be. Not if I want to retain the right to mock you for basing all your statements on nothing but your own opinion, right?
So think of it this way: All adults watch TV. All adults watch movies, and nearly everyone watches the Super Bowl. And they do it because they want a break. A respite from whatever they need to get away from at that moment, that bores and slowly dulls the mind. Why does it matter that I watch "StarWars" instead of "Failure to Launch"? What do you care that I read "Lord of the Rings" and "PC Gamer" instead of "InStyIe" and "Entertainment Weekly"? It's all a form of escapism anyway.
Your problem is that you misunderstand the type of escape it is. Yes, of course I'm escaping from something, but unlike what you think, I'm not escaping from reality into a happy fuzzy place of dreams and fantasies.
I'm breaking out of the dungeon of mediocrity and making a mad dash for freedom into the world where things matter, where there really is such a thing as noble souls and true heroes. Into the world where the bad guys eventually lose. Where Inigo Montoya gets his revenge, Darth Vader dies to save Luke, where there is a spot on the world map marked "here there be dragons", and where people really can be good, noble, and unselfish.
Why would I ever give that up? More to the point, why do you think I would be better off if I did? And while we are on the subject, why do you think my life would be better if I wore longer skirts, lower boots, and more discreet nail polish? Do you really think it's that easy to make everything right? Then you're the one who is delusional here.
Ignore for a moment the fact that we barely know each other. Ignore for a moment our mutual disdain and contempt for each other's taste in music, clothing, and literature. Ignore for a moment the fact that none of us will ever be able to change the other's mind. Ignore all that and ask yourself, why does it matter?
What do you care why a perfect stranger dresses weird, listens to weird music, watches "childish" movies and counts the days until the next major video game release? The way I see it, either you're jealous, in which case I pity you, or you somehow feel threatened by me and my hobbies, in which case I despise you.
Prove me wrong. I dare you.
While you're working on that, I will be busy over here, writing my poems, playing my games, reading my fantasy novels, and watching "The Princess Bride" for the 500th time. And I will be happy, and somehow remain convinced that maybe everything isn't lost yet. Maybe there is still something good left in this world? I think so. In fact, I'm sure of it.
And tomorrow, I will celebrate that with black nail polish and purple lipstick.
PC Gamer, my favorite gaming magazine for several reasons, featured a column about Fable 2 in its latest issue. It was written by staffer Yahtzee Croshaw, after attending the Fable 2 presentation by none other than Peter Molyneux himself on GDC, and the column made me choke on my afternoon coffee, cough and then blink, and then finally think to myself, "what is wrong with that guy?"
Then I decided to research the matter. I went to Gamespot's coverage of the Fable 2 presentation on GDC. I looked at IGN, I went to the official Fable 2 website, but none of it convinced me to change my initial thought: From a fantasy gaming perspective, there is something wrong with Peter Molyneux's vision.
The first thing that is wrong is that the man scoffs at mini maps. If you tried playing Overlord on the 360, you know why scoffing at them is just wrong. Because without the mini map there is no way of knowing where we are, where everything else is, and where to go in a game. Apparently the reason the mini map is not there is to encourage players to explore, with the help of the marvelous dog that an entire 20-minute video was dedicated to. The video was submitted to Xbox live, in an effort to make other players as excited about The Vision as Peter Molyneux is.
But as far as I am concerned, he has lost me, my enthusiasm, and the time I would have spent playing the game, and here is why: He has told me I will not be able to earn an in-game living on adventuring.
According to PC Gamer's column, and supported by everything else I find, it is not possible to earn a living simply by adventuring. Especially not if you marry someone and start a family, because now your income needs to support them as well. As an extra bonus, by the way, if you play as a female, the extra weight, loss of agility, and over-all vulnerability of being pregnant will be a very noticeable factor in game-play.
It appears that I am going to need a job to finance my death-defying adventuring life-styIe. According to Croshaw's column, Peter Molyneux spoke proudly, "with breathless enthusiasm", about the many extra features of game, and all the things that you can buy in the game... houses, furniture, villages, or dungeons. Monsters are not going to drop gold at all, instead you need to find gold elsewhere, either by hiring out as a henchman to another hero, by using the multi-player co-op function of the game, or by playing the Xbox LIVE Arcade mini-games, that will allow you to start amassing in-game cash for purchasing armor and weapons, long before Fable 2 hits retail shelves.
I refuse to believe that I am alone in asking Mr Molyneux, in stunned disbelief: What the hell are you trying to do? If you are aiming for realism you are so far off it is not even close to making sense.
Conan never settled down with a family, whom he then had to provide for, neither did Elric, Red Sonja, or the Grey Mouser and his far less mousy friend. Geralt of Rivia spoke for all of them when he stated that his high-risk profession, with extensive traveling, was not conducive to marriage, and if you want realism, shouldn't you factor that in? In fact, if you want to be realistic, shouldn't you take into account that none of the above mentioned adventurers want to settle down and start a family? They're all adrenaline junkies, commitment-phobic, not to mention that they are constantly broke. The reason they are broke all the time is because an adventurer has no retirement to save up for. Slaying dragons is a risky business, not to mention that all the loot inevitably is used up to repair or replace the armor and weapons that were damaged while slaying said reptile. Whatever is left over is used up on babes and booze (and if you are Conan, a second babe as well, for good measure), and that is why adventurers go back out on adventures, and why they take on mercenary contracts. They have nothing to save for, and no one to share with, and nothing to anchor them to any particular place, and that is the appeal and romance of sword & sorcery fantasy literature and games.
But apparently in this game, I will have to take a second job to be able to go adventuring once in a while. I will not have a mini map to help that adventuring, and as an extra realism-bonus I will have to put up with an unhappy spouse who complains that I am never home.
Once again Peter, what the hell are you trying to do here? Didn't Black & White 2 make it clear that however pretty your vision might be in your head, the rest of the world doesn't want to spend money on it?
This is supposed to be a fable! A fairy tale! Give me a high-fantasy world, with high-fantasy realism. If I wanted to raise and feed an ungrateful family, I'd be playing The Sims.
This is how you play:
Every suite represents a muscle group or exercise. Diamonds are your abs, obliques and lower back. Spades are pectorals and shoulders, clubs are the legs, and if you draw a heart, you'll be doing cardio. Pick an exercise you like and stick with it. For diamonds, I do a yoga plank pose for as many seconds as the card value. A king is 13 seconds, and an ace is 14. (To avoid cheating I have my watch count seconds for me.) Spades are push-ups, clubs are lounges, and on hearts I do jumping jacks, mainly because they're easy to do in a small space. At least if you're not standing too close to the wall.
To get started, do the following:
1. Take a deck of cards and shuffle it, very thoroughly. 2. Make sure you've changed out of those tight work slacks and that dry-clean only shirt into sweats or jammies.
3. Make sure you are not wearing high-heeled shoes or heavy and dangly earrings. This cannot be stressed enough.
4. Flip a card, and start the workout.
The card is a nine of hearts, so you'll do nine jumping jacks. Next card is the Jack of spades, so now you'll do eleven push-ups. Next card is the five of spades, so now you get to do five more push-ups. After that you get the seven of diamonds, so now you'll hold the plank pose for seven seconds. Or do seven crunches, if you prefer.
Important side note: You cannot train and build your abs, without also building the corresponding back muscles. Well, you can, but it will lead to very strong abs and back muscles that are too weak to balance it, your torso will be unable to stand up straight and instead be pulled crooked whenever you try to stand up straight, and excruciating back pain and injury will follow. Build your back and side muscles.
Back to the card game. The two most important rules are to keep going, and to never ever skip a card. It's a cardio workout, and if you pause to catch your breath your heart rate won't stay up where it needs to be for the exercise to actually benefit you, and then all you did was waste 20 minutes and get sweaty for nothing.
The only time you are allowed to skip a card is if you draw two face cards of the same suite right after each other. However, if you get the eight, five, nine, and four of spades in a row, you unfortunately have to suck it up and suffer through it. That, by the way, is why I suggested shuffling the deck thoroughly.
Having a water bottle handy is also recommended.
I have been targeted by the most recent Gamespot blogging trend: someone has tagged me to tell my readers five things that I they don't yet know about me but would enjoy finding out. I have been skimming those blogs, watching as they slowly took over my Tracked blogs list, and now I have been asked to contribute and do my part to help them take over someone else's Tracked Blogs. I'm sure there is some profound and lesson about symmetry and what goes around comes around in this situation. But it is weekend and I don't want to care about serious things right now.
I will refrain from tagging anyone though, for the same reason I never, ever follow the directions to forward the poem to "ten of your best friends, including the one who sent this to you. If you receive lots of emails back it means you have lots of friends!" But I will write up my list of five things you might not know about me, because they might be good conversation starters, and by posting them in my blog I will only have to write them once.
1. I (unofficially) collect tea mugs
This should come as no secret to someone who has seen the shelves in our kitchen. I love tea and coffee mugs, in a selective sort of way. They need to be original in design and color, and match me, before they are worthy of being collected. Also, they must not match anything I already have. The only matching tea mugs I have in my collection were gifts. I hardly ever use them.
2. I have a navel piercing.
I had my piercing made about two years ago now, and at the time, it looked very good on me. Since then I have gained roughly 25 lbs, and now it just looks white-trashy. Since I wanted and needed to lose the weight anyway, returning to a stomach that actually can pull off the piercing again is one of my goals and one of many things that keep me motivated. After all, there is no point having it if I can't show it off.
3. I love action movies
John Woo is an unsung genius. Chow Yun Fat makes all American action stars look wussy and incompetent. Michelle Yeoh is beautiful, and Milla Jovovich is one of very few women who can be extremely tough and bad-ass while at the same time being astonishingly beautiful and feminine. Topping my list of explosive favorites right now are (in no particular order): Replacement Killers, Resident Evil, The Bourne Identity, Kill Bill 1 & 2, and Pitch Black
4. I love chocolate.
By chocolate I mean real chocolate. Not the disgusting pale blend of grease and sugar that pollutes the shelves of grocery stores everywhere in the US. I mean Valrhona, Lindt's Excellence, and Cote d'Or. Valrhona and Cote d'Or are especially remarkable in that they are the only ones I have come across who carry milk chocolate that is not gross. It actually tastes chocolate, just not as bold as their darker products.
Over-all the US is horribly behind the rest of the civilized world in terms of understanding and appreciating chocolate the way it was meant to be enjoyed. Words cannot express how happy I was to discover that the Cost Plus near our house carries my two favorite chocolate brands.
5. FPS games are boring, frustrating, and a waste of my time
I started playing FPS games late in life, just a couple of years ago, and I don't like them. They have an extremely steep learning curve, too steep for me who isn't already familiar with the style of gameplay and have the necessary skills to navigate, shoot et cetera. Not to mention that most control schemes for console FPS are confusing and counter-intuitive, and the lack of peripheral vision drives me nuts. This leads to an exclusively frustrating playing experience, for obvious reasons. Add to that a complete lack of appealing characters and character development, and a story that is shallow at best, and there's just not enough fun in a typical FPS game for me to justify playing it over Neverwinter Nights 2 or The Witcher.
There you go. Now, back to life and reality as we know it.
