Lately, my life has been FANTASTIC! I'm so happy!... except for my dad... I hate him, I wish I could knock him out. For the past few weeks, I've had to stay at his house (Friday and Saturday are my breaks). I'm leaving on Friday for GOOD, I'm so happy. More time to spend with my new friends and my girlfriend, I love her so much!

But the time I've been spending at my dad's it driving me insane. I'm sick of it. Over here I'm completely alone, I have no one to hang out with. I live right next to a bus that can take me to a skate park, but it's Summer Time in Arizona, I have scars on my arms, so I wear a hoodie sweater thingy.. I melt. People there ask me all the time: "Why are you wearing a sweater?"

LEAVE ME ALONE!!!

Some people stop their cars just to ask me. I almost got jumped because of it. I eventually gave in, showed a few people my scars and now they call me 'emo'. A lot of people there also call me 'Metallica' (the skate park is at the pecos community center, so there's a huge community center thingy next to the park.. a lot of teens, adults and seniors go there).. The majority of the people there like Rap. I like Metal, so they call me Metallica.. it's funny, I call all of them lil' wayne.

So yeah, i'm still at my dad's house. Lonely as hell. Wish I had someone to talk to..

----------------------------
Btw, here's a recent picture of my friends, girlfriend and I. Bad quality, forgot to comb my hair, but whatever. We were about to go swimming! Here it is

Haha, my lip virginity... Yeah, I lost it. To a girl I absolutely love ^_^

It took me a while to do it. I didn't want her to do it, I've heard her tell me before that she's always the one who had to give her past boyfriends (she's only had two, apparently they both turned out to be jerks) kisses, apparently those weren't very good either. Sooo I wanted to give her a special kiss. I was going to, but then her mom came out to sit outside. Her mom doesn't like it when we even hold hands in front of her. She's like that with all of her daughters apparently. So we walked around the building where she couldn't see or hear us, then I kissed her. Annnnd after that, I gave her a lot of kisses

Yummy ^_^

She said she liked my kisses

Wellll.... I love Sheila, she's everything to me now. I don't think I can move away with my dad... Sure, he'll be upset but whatever, the only reason why I'm going to live with him is apparently so I can be happy. But I'm happy here, if I leave I'll be severely depressed.

Anyway, here's a picture of Sheila. No face being shown, I'm not going to do that. She's MINE!!
That, and I just don't want to put a picture of her face on the Internet. It's rude.

Greyscale looks AWESOME ^_^ :

Soooo... I got a... girl... friend... girlfriend

^_^

Yay

Yippie

Her name is Sheila, she's 13, white and very cute. And don't think I'm a pedophile, because our ages aren't that far apart. Still not telling you people my real age, I'm older than her though

She's weird, I'm weird. She's cute, squishy and we get along perfectly. We like the same things and she's just... perfect. She's home schooled as well. It's amazing how we get along so great. Her sister and I get along fine too, we don't hold hands or hug at all though.

Annnnyway, yeah, I'm happy. Very happy
I'm moving in with my dad in actually ONE week. Saturday.. I'll ask him if I can visit every week instead of every two weeks.

----UPDATE----

I shall be staying with her for another week. The whole reason why my dad is taking me with him to his home is so I can be happy. But here I'm happy with her, I can't leave her now. It would depress me severely. Even if I could visit her one a week, it's not enough. I'll be staying here for another week, then we'll see what happens

I Love Sheila

Well not that my family knows I cut myself I feel like ****. My mom doesn't seem to care considering the fact I hate her and she hates me. She brings it up every now and then and says something extremely stupid. She thinks she's always right. Haha, she thought at first I was cutting myself because I watched hardcore professional wrestling
She's pathetic. I'm glad I'm moving out.

I met two new friends, it REALLY REALLY sucks that I had to meet them a week before I'm moving out... ****!!!! It hurts so much that I finally found some new friends that I can actually get along with and that I have to leave. But I'm looking on the bright side - I'll still have their phone numbers and all their contact info. Plus I'll be visiting every two weeks Annnd like I said in my last blog, the place I'm moving to is perfect. A lot of people, skaters, buses, a skate park is near, a mall, perfect areas for skating, I can EASILY make some new friends ^_^

My stupid mom told my brother that I tried to kill myself. What the hell? I didn't even tell her that, she just makes up crap (of course I have tried to kill myself, I never told her though. She's saying crap she knows nothing about. My brother now apparently is worried, which I hate. It makes me feel stupid. Moms fault for her dumb lies though.

My ex-gf Nikki won't even return my E-Mails. Which is pathetic, VERY pathetic. She's obviously just ignoring me. I'm sick of her crap. I already told her I'm moving on and am going to find another girl. Hopefully I can experience love. I really hope so. I don't want to have a girlfriend who lives thousands of miles away from me. I've already have had my fair share of pain coming from that sort of relationship. My first and only love was an idiot.

I just want to scream. I feel like crap. I really just want someone to talk to. I'm still waiting for my mom to come home so I can go out with my new friends. A 13 and 16 year old. Both are girls and very cute... and weird We get along. I don't know why, I always seem to attract the girls. I only have one guy friend. I hate the majority of guys due to their idiotic-ness.

Well I kinda had a panic attack, I went to the hospital for it. When they lifted up my jacket, they saw the scars on my arms. So after many hours of waiting and talking to doctors that ask the same question over and over again, a therapist came for me. Her name was Alexis, she was so sweet. She seemed to actually care about what I think. I'll be seeing her again in the future.

I'll also be moving in with my dad. That's going to be great, I might actually be able to enroll into a public school! I can't wait, I haven't been in a public school for two years.

Yay

Another person who I have ignored has told me that I'll have nothing to look back on when I'm older. That hurt. Plus he was judging me because I go on GS. Another pathetic soul onto my ignored list. I don't actually put them on ignore, I just ignore them. I ignore many people who shall be unnamed. You know who you are.

But... yeah. I pretty much will have nothing to look back on. Nothing positive anyway. What do I have? I'm a skater. My girlfriend ignores me and she lives in another state, which just breaks my heart. I'm unloveable. I tried too hard to make it work, but she just threw it all away. She deleted her information on her little profile page on a site I go to. I'm the only one who reads it. I don't have any friends, except for two. I barely get to see them though. My best friend Amanda... I love here. She can't love me. She apparently thinks of me like family member. I do as well, but just a little more than that. It's IMPOSSIBLE for her to love me in that way though. ****ing impossible. This breaks my heart as well.

My mother hates me. I hate my mother. My little sister is an evil idiot and hates me as well. I can't stay in my house for one hour without going back out. Go out to do absolutely nothing but skate alone like a pathetic worm. Fall down and nearly break a bone, no one cares. Fall down on my face, no one cares. I have scars on my body, there's not one friend I have that has ever told me to stop cutting. I just realized that. I now feel worthless.

Whenever I talked to Nikki, it just made me feel whole again. But now that I RARELY talk to her anymore, it doesn't matter to her. SHE DOESN'T KNOW HOW MUCH SHE MEANS TO ME. And I know why - She has other friends that actually live near her. She can just go get some other boyfriend who can give her sexual intercourse and whatever the hell she wants. No matter what I do I can't change this stupid crap. I'm sick of it all. I wish I had a gun. Haha, go to Florida. Knock on Nikki's door and blow my head off in front of her. She'd love it. I'm already thinking about biking there. From AZ to FL, would I make it? How long would it take? I don't care.

Woe is me. I wish Nikki could see how much she hurts me. She doesn't care though. ****.