• 26Sep 12

  Movies that rip off video games

  Its shameful to make a terrible movie adaption of a video game, just as shameful as it is to make a bad Video game adaption of a movie! But if there is anything worse than both of these combined, its ripping off another medium. Here is a list of the worst plagiarists ever to plague the cinema...

  The Hangover - - Conkers Bad Fur Day

  Where do I begin? Both start with a heavy night of drinking and waking up not knowing what happened or where they are. Conker wakes up in what might as well be a Yellowstone Las Vegas, and even has to search for his girlfriend Berri at one point in the game. Also, in The Hangover Zach Galifinakiss character becomes something of a father figure to a strippers baby, just like how Conker becomes a father figure to a baby dinosaur (before he kills it accidently-on-purpose by squishing it under a rock as part of a sacrifice). Both even feature a struggle against an evil tiger (okay, in BFD it was a panther but whatever).

  And oh yeah, they both have a crappy sequel that unsuccessfully mimics the predecessor.

  The Pirates of the Caribbean - - The Secret of Monkey Island

  While both of these stick close to the tropes of the pirate genre, there are a few similarities that are particularly striking. Lets start with the main character, in The Secret of Monkey Island you play as Guybrush Threepwood, a bumbling wisecracking swordsman who dreams of becoming a pirate, save the woman he loves, and battle a supernatural curse.... which is just like William Turner. Heck, they even dress alike!

  But what about Elizabeth Swan? Or should I say, Elaine Marley! The two female leads are so similar that the only real difference is that Elizabeth is the Daughter of the governor, and that Elaine Marley is the governor. I guess that makes her the stronger character. As for Jack Sparrow, he might as well be all the funny minor characters rolled into one. But it doesnt even stop there, as there are actually visual similarities between the two. Using a coffin as a boat? Check. A pyrite city made from the wreckage of sunken ships? Check. The oddly specific character of a voodoo priestess in the Louisiana? Check. Again, all these are tropes of the genre they share, so its just coincidence, right?

  Well... apparently its rumoured that some of the artists that worked on the Monkey Island series went on to do the art for the Pyrites of the Caribbean movies.

  Only LeChuck knows for sure.

  The Twilight Saga - - Sonic 06

  Yep, you all saw this coming. There is no real way around it, they might as well be placed in a box set together. The thing is that the first Twilight book came one year before Sonic 06, but that's not stopping this comparison!

  Both Sonic Team and Stephanie Meyer have very limited previous experience with romantic storytelling, in fact Meyer says the idea came to her in a dream. I guess Sonic Team dreamt the same thing and the evil Dr Eggman gave them a dose of suck.

  Both publishers were, to be blunt, idiots. Sega rushed the game putting Sonic team in a tricky position. And Little, Brown while correctly predicting that it would be a teen sensation gave the books an awful editing job (or lack thereof).

  Now lets get to the characters! To be honest, I never considered Elises feelings bestiality. Since Sonic is so humanoid he hardly resembles a hedgehog. However the Why? factor of Elise herself still persists when you consider the sheer number of female characters already in the Sonic universe. Why not Blaze the cat? Why not introduce Princess Sally? If you're going to make a romantic story at least take advantage of what you've already brought to the table.

  As for Edward, hes hardly a vampire. Im trying not to laugh right now its just... Seriously? The movies are a prime example of taking itself too seriously while the audience cant possibly take it seriously enough. Just like Sonic 06!

  But even with all this madness, good still can come of it.

  The town of Forks, Washington received huge amounts of tourism from the movies and novels where its set, enough to fund a huge preservation effort of the surrounding parks and multiple community events.

  As for Sonic... He eventually showed his true colors.

  • Posted Sep 26, 2012 1:11 pm GMT
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg
• 21Jun 12

  Lara Croft's Breast Size

  Okay, now that I have your attention let me tell you about my latest gaming essay. One that shouldn?t be taken too seriously, this is just about my mixed reactions to the new Tomb Raider game and what happens when a company weaves itself into a politically correct dead end.

  Lets take it from the top, the new trailer looks great and features none of the QTE that worried people in earlier announcements. In fact, it looks much closer in spirit to the Uncharted games then the... um, original Lara Croft games. Of course that's not what people are talking about. What has fans getting their balls in a twist is the way Lara acts, as this is immediately set as a prequel. She is scared, very scared, she hasn?t seen action before and even lacks the will to hunt for food. Gone are the muscles and the comely chest, she is all alone in a far grittier enviroment and must slowly find her will to fight.

  Now there's been fanboy/girl cries on both ends, but that's quickly dying down and genuine questions are being asked (Will it retain it?s puzzle solving roots? Will she cry like that every time I shoot in self defense?). My predictions is that the game will satisfy and be a surprise success. You see, my problems aren?t with the game itself, but with the next game...

  Because this might not be a prequel, but a reboot...

  Now it would be nice to see this young Lara slowly become the Lara Croft we all know and love, but what I?m bothered about is if the real Lara doesn?t come and political correctness takes over, a very warped political correctness indeed.

  You see, the original Lara was created to counter the stereotype weak female in games and prove that whatever a strong muscle bound gun-toting endorphin induced male can do, a strong muscle bound gun-toting endorphin induced Female can do better. It?s called Adventure Fantasy, and that?s essentially the mantra of her games, saving the world and looking good saving it. And considering she was going to carry a franchise (and at the time, a genre), it was a very bold move, but paid off. Something that took cinema decades to do; gaming did in a relatively short while, kudos to Croft.

  While Lara Croft didn?t exactly bring in the multitude of young girl gamers that Core Design and publisher Eidos wanted (It did attract an audience of older females who haven?t even played games before), it proved that a male audience can relate and engage with a lone female character, this revelation turned media on it?s head.

  I?m trying not to sound fanboy-ish, I really am, but the thing is this. If they want to show the evolution of weak teenage girl Lara to strong independent Lara, that's fine by me. But if they want to rewrite Lara?s look and personality to be more politically correct, they've already fallen off a political tightrope Lara didn?t even need to cross.

  • Posted Jun 21, 2012 2:07 pm GMT
  • Category: Editorial
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg
• 9Apr 12

  Sonic as GOTY...

  Y'know, we always assume Sonic will never be accepted on any of the podiums as Game of the year. Whether it be crappy plugs like Spike or respected but artsy awards like the Academy of Interactive Arts and Sciences, Sonic remains the underdog. But that suits him, he doesn't need a medal to prove he's cool.

  But still I feel injustice has been done, what about those cla$$ic Sonic games made before Game awards came into being? Well, I'm gonna rectify that problem with a little time travel back to the early nineties, and we're taking the game awards with us! (uh oh)

  But first, some rules. With the exception of the prized GOTY award, these awards are for console games only. No Amiga's allowed! Also, for the sake of clarification, I'm going to follow NA release dates and titles.

  The envelope please...

  1991:

  Best Sega Genesis game:

  Sonic the hedgehog

  Best New Character:

  Sonic the hedgehog

  Special Achievement in platforming innovation:

  Sonic the hedgehog (before sonic, "platformers" was a literal term indeed)

  GOTY:

  Nominated! ...but lost to Civilization/Final Fantasy II/Another World/Neverwinter Nights/Super Mario World (take your pick)

  1992:

  Best Sega Genesis game:

  Sonic 2

  Best New Character:

  Miles Tails Prower

  GOTY:

  Nominated again! ...but lost to Ultima VII/Wolfenstein 3D/Indiana Jones and the Fate of Atlantis/Mortal Kombat/Flashback (again, take your pick)

  1993:

  Most innovative game:

  Sonic CD ...was going to win, but then a game called StarFox came out.

  Best Sega CD game:

  Take a guess

  1994:

  Special Achievement for Technical Innovation:

  Sonic & Knuckles (Lock on technology)

  Best Sega Genesis Game:

  Sonic 3

  Best New Character:

  Earthworm Jim... wait, what?

  GOTY:

  Sonic 3! Wahoo!

  (Note: the other possible contenders were Master of Orion, Wing Commander III, Donkey Kong Country, Super Metroid and Final Fantasy III.)

  And because some Video Game Awards can't be taken seriously...

  The Super Sonic Spike VGA Awards!:

  Most Anticipated Game:

  Sonic Adventure

  Most Anticipated Game:

  Sonic Adventure 2

  Most Anticipated Game:

  Sonic Mega Collection

  Most Anticipated Game:

  Sonic Next Gen...

  I think you see where I'm going with this.

  So yeah, while it can be contested as to whether or not it would win GOTY in the nineties (the results above are just my opinion on how it would turn out), I think Sonic would have more then just a fighting chance.

  Sonic back then was GOTY material, and he can still be now. But the real question is, will he? (and more importantly, how?)

  We'll see.

  • Posted Apr 9, 2012 10:08 am GMT
  • Category: Humor
  • Tag
  • Print
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Digg

See Previous Blog Posts »