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27Aug 09
Introducing the latest way Sony plans on failing this generation......
:::::::::: DRUMROLL PLEASE ::::::::::::
THE PS3 SLIM!
What? No applause?
Oh yeah, of course there's not, because it's crap.
Sony has decided that people don't want nice things in their homes. Who'd want something that looks nice in their entertainment center? That would let others speculate that the owner had taste and standards and you know, eyes that worked.
So we're fortunate enough that Sony has released the ugliest console in recent memory. But wait, you ask "Leroy, it can't be THAT bad"
In response I'd like to remind readers that my name is Jason and no, it's bad.
Yes it's smaller but it's got basically the same footprint, what's changed is it's height and that's never been an issue. Also by lowering it's height when horizontal that means that when it's vertical it easily tips over. Don't worry though Sony is already making stands for the console. See they knew there'd be a problem there and instead of including the stand they have you buy it separately, isn't Sony great?
Let's get to my biggest issue, it's finish, or lack thereof.
The console is wrapped in flat unfinished plastic that has a texture. The outside of the console looks like it's at step 2 out of 5 on the assembly line. Know when writable DVD's started picking up and everyone got one of those cheap Apex DVD players so they could watch home movies of family events on them? The Apex DVD players that brand new out of the box looked the same as components that are heavily weathered at a yard sale?
That's what the Slim looks like
Kitty's tongue = PS3 Slim
Who gives electronic components a texture?
I mean who else besides a company trying to cut costs by releasing an inferior product releases electronic components with a texture?
What's the number one threat to all electronics?
Gorilla drinking Red Bull with a sack of hammers
But you know the SECOND biggest problem?
Dust
So what does Sony do? They release a console that if you listen veeeery close you can actually hear it sucking the dust towards it. Run a Swiffer over it and you'll have a very nice contrast between the dusted plastic on top and the dust filled texture underneath.
I'm sure Sony's original plan was to just throw all the PS3 components in a cardboard box and let users cut a slit in the side and call it a "green" console.
The new Slims can't run third party applications on them. That's not a big deal since most users don't even know it can so that's not something worth complaining about. If someone wants me to I'd be more then happy to edit this but I'd much rather do another sentence on how awful the thing looks.
Honestly, this thing is the console eqivalent of watching how hot dogs are made.
So let us count some Sony failures this generation shall we?
SONY SAYS RUMBLE IS A LAST GEN FEATURE
That worked well for them
SONY OFFERED BACKWARD COMPATIBILITY - FOR A WHILE
Glad to see that was such a pressing need they had to work to eliminate it.
SONY THINKS BACKWARD COMPATIBILITY IS DEAD
Which after reading the last link has to make you giggle lol
Now that's not even counting it's underwhelming PSN service which I always say...
"The best way to describe the PSN service is that it feels like it's free"
The fact that the PS3 is just weak when it comes to games. I hear Sally Struthers is starting a new charity getting game disks into hungry PS3 drive slots. I mean the console is pathetic when it comes to games.
It's got a few exclusives and then......nothing lol
Multiplats are all better elsewhere save maybe 3 titles?
"Sony, when you can't possibly want the best"
I mean the refs in Madden this year don't even have striped socks. I'm also pretty sure that Hasselbeck only has one hand and Adrian Peterson just "hovers" over the field because he's only got a torso, head, and arms.
But let's stick to the PS3 Slim just like all the dust on the planet
Not only is it a failed attempt to beat Microsoft....(how's that Elite price drop taste Sony? Want another bite?)
It's giving the users less and hoping they fall for it
The Slim is inferior to the "fat" but Sony doesn't care, they're content with failing this gen. The "fat's" nice buttons? Gone, too expensive. They're just trying to cover their losses as much as possible before the next gen starts.
So remember this saying for the current generation
"Not everything that fails is Sony, but everything that's Sony fails"
35 comments
I named my PS3 Sarah and she has one fine sexy body! I'm working with a modeling company to get her to do some shows.
I don't like the new look of the PS3 Slim either, but really, it's not that bad. I myself have had an 80Gig Fat for the past year and have never been more satisfied with a purchase.
Why is it even called the PS3 slim? http://thehockeyexpert.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/ps3.jpg What a joke, the PS2 slim was an impressive feat, the PS3 slim is ghetto-mechanized or whatever...packed parts with quality slashing to get the price down. Actually, the PS3 fat was an ugly behemoth as well, I just look at the bottom piece of it and laugh. Along with the 400 watts it saps from the wall. Headshot the electric bill? Call it the PS3 chubby, sounds kind of wrong, but it makes more sense.
I agree with pretty much all of your points. The things that bug me most about the PS3 are the lack of backwards compatibility and the Sixaxis/Dualshock confusion. Why not make a Sixaxis controller that has rumble? I just bought my PS3 and never owned a PS or PS2 and had to track down an older model on eBay because backwards compatibility is huge to me. I want to play all the great games from the past 13 or so years that I've missed.
I do disagree that it's pathetic when it comes to games though. It may not have as many as the 360 but it has the best exclusives around, just like Nintendo. Quality over quantity because quality leads to replayability which gives you just as much entertainment as more games, quantity isn't gonna help cover the lack of quality.
Seriously, what on Earth were they thinking with that ugly crap. I'll be getting a PS3 for Christmas, and I made damn sure to specify multiple times that I don't want a Slim, only a fat one, as the older ones are rather sexy. It has 40 GB less memory for the same price, and it's harder to find but damn the PS3 Slim is ugly.
hmmmmmmmmmm, speaking of dust... most wii consoles sure seem to be collecting a lot of it. most of the stuff you wrote is irrelevent to me. now if you excuse me, i'm going to go and play LBP!
Sometimes I think you just go against the popular opinion just to get noticed. It's a good plan, bravo.
@ hazelnutman Why wouldn't they just include backwards compatibility? Because they want to make money off of people buying games from the Playstation Store.
I dont see much of a Problem With it... Yeah its ugly but its selling for 299, Which has sony booming and there selling Like Hot Cakes.
quit acting like ur a expert..im pretty sure the ppl at sony have a better idea about what there then u.
The Slim doesn't look that bad, and the price tag is enticing....but wait, there are still no games on the Playstation 3 that I want bad enough to even fork over the $300 for the console alone. Yep, Sony fails.
as amusing as your blog is, i would tend to disagree - i like the matte finish on the slim, and it runs very quietly, especially next to my Elite... that being said, i agree there are few games out for it that i want at the moment... but there are some amazing exclusives coming out this year and next, which is precisely the reason i got a PS3. As for BC, it does play PSone games, and the PS2 is so inexpensive that if you don't already have one, but you have a ton of games, you should invest. There is also the fact that many games are becoming available for DL on PSN, which alleviates the need for BC anyway.
It's a video game console. If you don't like it, don't buy it. 3/4 of your article was about how it looked.
LOL @ "In response I'd like to remind readers that my name is Jason and no, it's bad." Enjoyable blog. :)
while I use to agree the X360 had some merit, after both people took swipes at each other I still think the PS3 came out ahead. Reasons: 1) Same price point. Dumb customers shop based on price point. Seeing both with the same price point will lead to... 2) Brand Name. X360? Oh the one that gets RROD (every my mom knows about RROD it is embarrassing). Playstation, yeah I had one of those and I liked it. Dumb people buy based on brand recognition... Sony wins again. 3) Games... Really? Hell Jason, they have the same library now-a-days other than the few exclusives make by MS or Sony proper (and mass effect). Does MS really have a better library by mentioning only Halo, Gears, or Forza? ok then I guess it does. Does PS3 really have a better library by mentioning LBP (what?), MGS4, God of War? ok then I guess it does. Each side has 4 exclusives worth mentioning to their name now... Either that 'tips' your gaming library or it doesn't... more than likely it doesn't. 4) Online. Sony - Free. MS - Money. Both have too many trash talking, racist, swearing, losers on it. TBH, I would probably go free on this one now with the same expectations out of both. 5) Did you really bash an entire console by how it looks? Well, I guess 1 & 2 was about dumb consumers... what is one more reason. I guess MS wins one out of 5... or doesn't it? My elite isn't shiny, so I don't know where you are going with that one.
Whoah whoah whoah, your main gripes are the VISUAL aspects of the console? *facepalm* Also, there's a hundred dollar add on you can purchase to play PS2 games. It's called a PlayStation 2.
I disagree with horrorboy. I spent money on a nice shiny entertainment stand and a great TV. I do care how my setup looks, and the last thing I want is a cheap-looking, matte-grey brick.
@jake-lutze-The backwards compatibility has stopped for all of the new models, but if you have a PS2, you're fine.
Okay, screw sony. No backwards compatibilty for ps3? Is it completely stopped, or only the slim? Sony does seem intent to fail now. I think I would rather get a wii than a ps3.
It doesn't matter how nice it looks or anything, it's not entering a beauty contest. All that matters is to play games or watch movies on it, and just have plain fun, and for a cheap price it's even better.
Haven't looked at the new model yet. But my PS3 really doesn't see much use, I just bought Batman for the Joker but would have gotten the 360 if not for that. I've had the system for over a year and only own three games for it.
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