• 10Jan 08

  Exclusive! New Soul Calibur IV Characters!

  So it's been announced that Namco is going to include Star Wars icons Darth Vader and Yoda in the PS3 and XBox 360 versions of Soul Calibur IV. What you may not know about are the OTHER cameo characters debuting in the game. Yes, you heard it here first fellow gamers! Having snuck into Namco-Bandai's secret volcano lair, I have stolen the character list, which I have copied word for word just for you. Here now is a complete list of new selectable characters:

  -Darth Vader (Dark Lord of the Sith, obvious samurai knock-off)

  -Yoda (Jedi Master, talks like my grandmother)

  -Optimus Prime (Leader of the Auto-bots, good highway mileage)

  -Dante (Protaganist of Devil May Cry Series, metrosexual)

  -Jenova (Final Fantasy VII science experiment, has eyes for nipples)

  -Indiana Jones (Archeaologist extraordinare, whip afficiando)

  -David Bowie (Rock legend, looks kinda like Ziggy from Xenosaga)

  -The Red Ring of Death (Destroyer of consoles, known to strike fear into the hearts of gamers)

  -Chuck Norris (Texas Ranger, slayer of gods)

  -A Roll of Quarters (used by banks, worth $10)

  -Stephen Colbert (Former Daily Show correspondant, inventor of the word "Truthiness")

  -A Volkswagen Beetle (Popular hippie-mobile, occasionally known to burst into flames)

  -Daffy Duck (Former cartoon star, demands that you shoot him now)

  -The entire cast of Chicago (Oscar award winners, claims that he had it comin')

  -Bruce Campbell (Zombie slayer, the only reason to buy Old Spice deoderant)

  Remember, you heard it here first!

  • Posted Jan 10, 2008 5:42 pm GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 3Dec 07

  RTFM n00b!

  So lately I've been playing a lot of Call of Duty 4 (well, me and the rest of the Earth's population). Anyways, a friend of mine recently gave me an XBox Live Gold 3 Month Subscription (he'd sold his 360, and didn't have any use for it). So I decided to go out on a limb and give the multiplayer a shot, since I'd played the campaign mode to death.

  So far, it been pretty fun. The level-up system seems to take too darn long to level up, and some of the challenges are kinda dumb, but overall it been even more fun than Halo 3. I've had some really dramatic moments, especially with the Last Stand perk. Calling in an airstrike is cool, and downing an enemey chopper Blackhawk Down-style makes for a real adrenaline rush.

  So far, my biggest complaint is the same as my usual complaints about other multiplayer games: the fact you have to play with other people. Sure, after a while you accept the fact that some people are camping idiots, and there's always a shotgun whore running around, but there's one kind that's more frustrating than any other person: the kind that doesn't know the rules of the game.

  My favorite game type thus far has been Groundwar. Massive 18 player battles, huge maps, it's great. Team Deathmatch is fine, but lacks strategy. Domination has proven to be the most gratifying, with it's tactical gameplay, dramatic stand-offs, and daring raids sneaking into enemy territory. The problem is, not everyone seems to realize that if you don't take the checkpoints, you lose the game. I don't mind losing an honest game of Domination, but when I lose because my teammates are all parked behind concrete barriers, taking potshots at the opposing team, desperately hoping no one shoots them, it gets frustrating.

  So do everyone a favor. The next time you log onto a game server, any game really, take a quick look at the game manual, and make sure you know what you're doing. Because nobody likes a n00b.

  • Posted Dec 3, 2007 6:30 pm GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 10Nov 07

  GameStop Must Die!

  GameStop's been getting a lot of bad press lately, from Penny Arcade's skirmishes with incompetant Manager John, to the infamous 28 Confessions of a GameStop Manager article which explains, in roughly 20 pages, how to buy video games. As you can probably guess by this entry's title, I'm not exactly upset by this sudden turn of bad press.

  So I guess I'll share my most recent skirmish with GameStop. It involves Call of Duty 4, a game that was pretty much hotly anticipated by all. Now I had not gone ahead with a pre-order for, because a) I don't like paying for something and then not actually having it until sometime later, b) I try not to encourage a system I think is stupid, and most importantly c) I work 60 hours a week, and don't always have time to get to the store.

  I call the local GameStop, and the guy behind the counter assures me he has 6 copies left. I ask him if he can hold a copy I can pick up after work, and he takes down my name, assuring me it'll be waiting behind the counter. Six hours later I arrive, and, well...I'll give you the play-by-play:

  Me: Hi, I called and had a copy of CoD4 put on hold for me.

  Idiot 1: Did you pre-order it?

  Me: Uh, no I just called and asked the guy to put it on hold for me.

  Idiot 2: We're sold out.

  Me: But he told me he'd put it on hold for me behind the counter. Took down my name and everything.

  Idiot 2: Well, we're sold out. He never put anything back here. You should've preordered it.

  Now at this point in the story, I probably could've explained to him why I couldn't preorder it, and why I think his mother's a whore. But I'm classier than that, and decided to give the benefit of the doubt. You see, there are several GameStops in the area, and I thought maybe I got the wrong store. So I looked up the number I dialed in my cell phone, and asked them if that was it.

  There were three of them behind the counter, and none of them knew their phone number.

  The next day I drove to the local Best Buy, picked out one of the 118 copies they had (yes that's the actual number, I called and asked), and 5 minutes later, walked out with my copy. So here's the deal GameStop: I don't care how cheap your pre-owned copies of last year's games are. Until you get your act together and stop treating new games and customers like some kind of hassle, Best Buy's getting my money from now on.

  Oh, and Call of Duty 4 is awesome.

  • Posted Nov 10, 2007 11:43 am GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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