• 23Mar 13

  People, we need to ensure this movie gets made

  http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2494362/

  Kurt Russel and Timothy Olyphant in the wild west hunting down cannibalistic savages. That's all I need to say. Pool all of your money together and lets help git this done.

  • Posted Mar 23, 2013 7:19 pm GMT
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• 23Feb 13

  About to go get my hair cut

  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5QJ9i_o5vo

  F*ckin Jager Bombs, f*cking p*ssy, f*ckin protien, TONIGHT!

  • Posted Feb 23, 2013 10:09 am GMT
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• 22Feb 13

  Got into a fight with a friend

  One night a work compadre of mine invited me over to his place for some brewskies and I obliged his invitation. The evening started out innocently enough. While kicking back in his living room sipping the suds I listened wearily to my inebriated friend spin fables of his past life as a janitor at some sweat shop in Beijing. Out of boredom I began scanning the drab room in a desperate attempt to take my mind off of the endless ramblings of a drunkard. My gaze caught that of a dark haired miniature poodle nestled cozily next to a 250 GB model Xbox 360. 
  
  This particular poodle was lovingly named Cheese Swindler on account of it's obsessive love for copious amounts of chedder cheese, and for the ruthless and unethical tactics it would use to obtain said cheese. So me being the animal lover that I am get up out of my chair and with beer in hand, make my way over to the precious little cuddle bug and start petting it. My intoxicated friend wasn't too happy about this. He took this as me ignoring him which I kind of was to be fair. 
  
  So the ass grabs a tv remote that was sitting snugly by his side and whips it at me (I'm assuming to get my attention). Now being that this sad sap of a loser was completely sh!tfaced out of his mind and couldn't see straight, he completely misses his intended target and instead knocks the beer bottle free from my grasp, which in turn spills all over his 250 GB model Xbox 360. Miraculously, this ends up some how being my fault. He begins accusing me of being a Sony fanboy, of orchestrating this whole event in order to destroy his Xbox 360. Insane, I know. 
  
  So while we are having our shouting match, unbeknownst to the both of us, my beer had begun to bleed into the Xbox's ciruitry causing it to spark and smoke, hiss and sputter. Poor little Cheese Swindler whom as previously mentioned was snuggled up by the console, was apparently sitting too close and her tail had caught fire. While this is going on my friend comes at me with a silver candle stick and begins bludgeoning me on the head multiple time causing severe internal brain hemorrhaging and temporary blindness. One strike was so hard infact that it sent ripples down my spinal cord, fracturing my left testicle. 
  
  At this point Cheese Swindler was completely engulfed in flames, and in a fright fueled panic, began sprinting around the room in circles setting pieces of furniture and carpet ablaze. Sensing the impending doom that was about to befall us, I quickly arose from my feeble position and kicked the now crazed socialite sqaure in the d*ck, instantly incapacitating him. With what little remaining strength I had left in me I hoisted him up onto my shoulder and threw him out a nearby window to safety. I then dropped to my knees. The sheer agonising pain that reverberated from my fractured testicle was now too great and began to consume my mind. 
  
  I could feel the heat from the flames on my back now. It wouldn't be long now before I faced my maker. "This isn't the end yet. No siree, I swear on the life of my shattered testicle this is not how I will go out" I said to myself. And so with one final push, I dove out the window and land violently in the dirt. It wasn't long after that the fire department and ambulance arrived. They carried me off as I was in shock and hysterics, mumbling gibberish about tales of harpies and unicorns. It was a dark time but I've since recovered.

  • Posted Feb 22, 2013 1:21 pm GMT
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