• 22Oct 09

  Zombieland Review

  Time to nut up or shut up!

  

  "Zombieland," a movie directed by Ruben Fleischer, seemed very entertaining and funny when I saw its trailer. I decided, heck, why don't I give it a try? Well, all I have to say is that this is, by and large, one of, if not, the best movie I've seen all year. It was simply laugh-out-loud funny with great action and suspense. The opening scene starts off with the White House on fire and a zombie staring down at the camera, tender flesh dripping from its mouth. The story itself is pretty straightforward: almost everyone in the world has turned into mindless zombies and it tells how the handful of survivors remain alive in Zombieland. The performances were genuinely quite funny from Jesse Eisenberg, Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin as Columbus, Wichita and Little Rock (not real names, just the names of the cities the character is headed to). But while these performances are great, by far the best of the bunch is Woody Harrelson as the twinky-lovin', zombie-hatin' Tallahassee who's "in the ass-kickin' business." Throughout the film, he kills zombies in brutal yet funny forms, such as pushing Colombus' shotgun away and instead pulling out gardening pliers and walking up to a hugely overweight zombie in a grocery store while saying, "I'm just gonna take a l'il bit off the top." The next shot has the pliers being tossed aside with blood dripping form it--you do the math. Overall, this movie is well-paced, smart, extremely humorous and genuinely entertaining, and you'd be an idiot if you refused to see this cult ****c.

  Long-story short: This is a great action-comedy flick with funny and memorable scenes in it--go see it NOW!

  Grade: A

  • Posted Oct 22, 2009 6:03 pm GMT
  • Category: Movies
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• 9Oct 09

  Surrogates Review

  They must've paid Bruce double to even consider doing this piece of crap movie!

  

  This has got to be the worst sci-fi movie I've seen since Terminator: Salvation. I honestly cannot think of too many good reasons why you should see this movie. The starting premise itself was a bit hard to believe - 98% of the world's population uses surrogates, robots that look exactly like humans, aka terminators. Right off the bat, 98% of the world would NOT agree on using surrogates, especially considering the tons of homeless people that are dying in Africa and other countries. The plot involves Bruce Willis playing as his tired "rebel-cop" persona and stumbling upon some sort of conspiracy involving VSI (corporation that produces surrogates), the military, and the guy who created surrogates who doesn't know why his son got murdered and needs Bruce to point it out for him. The film's subplot involves reservations where surrogates are shot on sight. These reservations are filled with cliched fat hillbillies that are led by some guy who displays about as much passion in his acting as a low-level politician reading off a teleprompter. There are logical problems, as well, such as surrogates being strong enough to withstand car collisions yet breaking apart under the power of Bruce Willis' bare fists, as well as the robot "beauty" salons. I'll just stop right there because if I were to list all this film's problems, I'd probably have to post the film's entire screenplay here.

  Long story short: the story is absurd, the action is OK at best, the dialogue is bland in most parts, laughably bad in others, and the ending is meaningless and predictable.

  Grade: C-

  • Posted Oct 9, 2009 2:30 pm GMT
  • Category: Movies
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• 26Sep 09

  9 Review

  In the midst of a destroyed world, a burlap hero arises to save the day

  

  I'll keep this review relatively short because, well, there just isn't that much to talk about with this film. Almost entirely copying the plot of the Terminator series, 9 is about giant robots turing against the humans and leaving the world utterly destroyed. Some random scientist somehow predicted this would happen and decided to make leather-woven miniaturized figures in the shape of humans and numbered them. The movie starts out with 9, voiced by Elijah Wood, waking up in this world and discovering figures just like him. Most of the dialogue is rather cheesy and the movie is relatively predictable, along with its unoriginal plot, but I still managed to like it, even though it mainly is for younger audiences. The only real question I had is where all the giant robots were even though they showed flashbacks of when they were fighting. Overall, I liked it, and I thought it was a pretty solid experience, just nothing we haven't seen before.

  Long story short: Go see it if you enjoy sold yet somewhat childish action flicks.

  Grade: B-

  • Posted Sep 26, 2009 7:08 am GMT
  • Category: Movies
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