• 13Sep 07

  Why people who cry about Bioshock 2 are in fact ****

  First off, I'd like to write this in big text and a bright color in case anybody who whined about Bioshock 2 reads this, since it's clear they've never passed fourth grade, and cannot pay attention to something unless it's bright and large.

  So, here begins our tale, a crashed plane, an underwater utopia, and some crazy people, with mind blowing graphics, and a jaw dropping plot that kicks you in the throat and tells you to shut up while Atlas is talking. So the game basically blows all kinds of fuses in the average persons brain, and if your pet was watching it too, it might have even died. So by the time it's finished, with the lack of online play, you cry for more. You seek more extras, more plasmids, more story, more atlas treating you like a 4 year old with the attention span of a placemat...

  So, Take Two, knee deep in hookers in a house made of gold are high-fiving each other and "discussing" Bioshock 2. Oh my god. I was so excited to even imagine a new story, a new world, heck, even the same world with some more story would be fine by me! So I kick my TV over and run upstairs to discuss with the internet how excited I am. Oh, and what do you know; the internet is whining. I should have known. What I read from that point on served only to infuriate me to the point I actually had to make a BLOG.

  So let me get this straight; Bioshock 2 will be horrible because:

  1) It's a story driven game, there's not much room for another plot.

  Oh really, so you think the guys who originally planned the game to be an island full of Nazi's and you the only survivor can't come up with another story? They made this game, everything is built around the fact that a sequel will rake in even more money.

  2) Who's your opponent?

  You know what? After playing Bioshock, I don't give a damn if Mohamed Ali comes down to Rapture to kick me in the face, roll me up in a carpet, and throw me off a building. You wanna know why? Because these guys made Bioshock, and I'm pretty sure that the coolest boxer ever won't be the one to teach me who's boss, because I personally believe that they have an IQ higher than a bicycle, since nobody on the team has currently taken a bath with a live toaster.

  3) They'd do it wrong.

  Now I don't really know if anybody who says this can tell the difference between a house cat and a pellet gun, but you know that this isn't the teams first game. It's also not the only awesome game they've made. In fact, System Shock was so totally kick ass.

  And they made a sequel to it. It was so bad, that 6/5 children died of sadness just looking at System Shock 2.

  FALSE. System Shock 2 was actually better *GASP* than the first one. These guys aren't toddlers, and it's time you treated them like the high grade game developers that they are. If they decide to make a Bioshock 2, I hope they make it right, and I bet they will. And for you crybabies, if they decide they made a closed story for Rapture, they do have the option of making a new place to explore. I know, what a shocker.

  I hope you learned something. More specifically, I hope you learned that there are animals smarter than you, and that you should be thrown off of a bridge. Don't worry, Take 2 isn't an office full of dead rabbits, it's a fully functional game company, run by actual people, with artistic talent. Thanks for listening.

  -OMGLOLZ
  

  • Posted Sep 13, 2007 10:55 pm GMT
  • Category: Rant
  • 0 Comments
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