I was jerked out of a sound sleep the other night with a loud pounding on my door. I quickly sat up in bed and looked around in a nervous panic as my heart pounded a thousand beats a second. I slowly rubbed the sleepiness out of my eyes and yawned. I stood up in a daze and shifted myself to a more complete stance. The pounding on the door happen again as it startled me once again. I looked at the clock on the wall and as I squinted to see the time and read two thirty-five, I thought to myself [Who the **** is at my door at this time?]

So I start my walk to the front door and I noticed as my bare feet went from the carpet to the wood floor of the kitchen that the floor was blisteringly cold. I quickly found this odd as it was now June, but then found something else more interesting to worry about as I got close to the door that was now silent. I noticed a dark mist at the bottom of my door seeping inside. At that same time I now noticed my own breath in the air as I was breathing heavily now from the nervous energy that was coming over me. I looked out the peephole and all I seen was darkness. I pulled back and turned the light switch on and put my forehead back up against the door and looked out. Once again all I seen was darkness. I thought to myself once again [Great, the porch light is out again.]

The pounding on the door started back up again, which made me pull my head back away from the door. In a shock I yelled out.

"Who the **** is it?" Now more then anything this annoys me.

I look back down at the floor and see the dark mist still creeping in and out in a flow. As I reach for the door lock and unlock it I notice a brut coldness on the metal. I then reach a little lower to grab onto the doorknob and jerk back quickly as the pounding on the door starts back up again. I look back up, this time more angry at the impatiens of whoever is on the other side. I then grab the doorknob firmly and pull back again as it burns my hand with coldness. For a third time, I grab a hold the doorknob and quickly turn it and open the door up. Before me I see a large figure wrapped in the same dark mist that was coming through under my door.

I take a step back with a strange feeling inside myself. I start to wonder if this is all just a dream. The figure before me just then speaks up in a low darkly voice that sense a shiver down my spine.

"No, this is no dream, not at all."

The darkness around the figure starts to dissolve away and disappears into thin air. There is now a tall man in front of me, with blonde gorgeous blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Instantly I know who it is, and right away I am filled with anger.

"What do you want, there is no reason for you to be here, at my door step. You have no welcome here anymore."

I take a step back and begin to close the door, he then reaches out and stop the door before I can close it all the way. The deep voice was so creepy as he spoke up once again.

"Look, just hear me out, you have nothing else to do right? I mean maybe I can help you."

I look at him for a second with a look of surprise all over my face.

"You have to be joking right?" I say to him.

"I mean really, what makes you think I want anything to do with you?"

With a bit of anger in his voice he comes back quickly with…

"Because you already do!"

I look down and hunch myself with a look of guilt on my face.

"Yeah, I suppose you are right about that. Though it is not all by choice."

He glares at me and then smiles a smug little grin at me.

"Come back to me, I will give you all you want and need, look how pitiful you are looking right now. I can make all that change."

I walk out of the doorway and onto my porch going around the man that once was standing in front of me. Oddly the porch feels quite warm on the bottom of my feet compared to the coldness that was on my floor inside. I look out onto the street before my apartment. The dark night is so clear that you can see many stars, even for being in the city with all it's lights illuminating the sky. A hot breeze blows across me and and shakes me deep inside. I turn back to the man standing now behind me.

"You can not give me anything. You have nothing to offer me any longer."

The man takes a step toward me and laughs a little.

"You know that is untrue, I can offer anything you please. I can give you money and power. All of it that you want."

I look at him puzzled and ask him punitively.

"After all this time, having me with you, you still don't know me? Money is nothing to me; I have no greed factor. Power is also nothing to me, I laugh at such attempts that you use."

He then replies back,

"That was just the tip of the iceberg my friend. I can offer anything to you; you know this. Tell me what you want and I will make it yours. You want all your enemies dead? They will be gone by morning."

I laugh off his attempts again,

"I have no enemies, even if I did… I would not ask for their lives to be taken. Not for me, not for anything."

I turn back to looking at the street and then back into the sky again. I notice that is is now darker with clouds moving in. The man steps closer to me, right on my shoulder almost.

"I can give you woman, all that you want. Imagine, going into a club and knowing you can have them all, just like that. You can have as many as you want in one night, each night someone new for the rest of your life."

I shake my head at such an attempt and answer back,

"Again, you have no clue. You know nothing of me anymore, or have you ever? I am a one woman man, I do not need nor want such things. Most of all from you."

I then sit down on the steps of my porch. The man comes over and sits next to me. He looks at me and smiles the most evil grin he could conjure up. He then laughs a little and says,

"Yes, I know, I know what you want."

With a quick flick of his hand there was this image of a person standing in front of me.

"That is what you want, the girl of your dreams. She crushed you, but come back with me and I promise to make her yours. She will love you like no other. Come back to me and she will be calling you within minutes asking you to forgive her, that she did not know what she was thinking by breaking your heart like she did."

I sat there, looking at the image that stood before me. All the pain came rushing back to me as a tear ran down my face. I take a deep breath and look down at the ground. The man then replies again,

"Come on, this is what you want, we both know it. She will have you and everything will be great for you, just come back to me."

I wipe the tears from my eyes and look back at the image again. I then say to him,

"No, it won't be real. It would not be her wanting me. It would be you controlling her and I don't want it that way."

Now angry with me the man lashes back,

"I can give her to you! God gave her to you and then what? He took her away, without a care for you! Still you choose the lonely road? The woman you want is at my fingertips, follow me! Get her back!"

As angry as he seemed to get, I did not care I then went from feeling pain and hurt of getting my heart broken to anger myself. I look at the man square in the eyes,

"God gave her to me and you took her away! You seen I was happy and hated the thought of it! She was leading me away from you and you could not stand it. Once you seen you were losing your death grip on me you used me to push her away!"

He jumped in my face and followed my comment with a scream. The image that once was there was gone in a flash and then he said,

"Do not think for one second I have lost anything!"

I then stand up and look down onto him.

"You have lost, we both know it. Out of every soul you have a grip on, I am the LAST one you thought would ever get away. You had such a hold of me, it seemed like I would never see you for what you really are."

I stop for a second, then added,

"You had me, the one person that could use words better than anyone, someone that could bring souls to you so easily. Now that I am free of your clutches you are scared, knowing I will now use those words of mine to bring people back from you."

The man then stands up and gets right into my face. His eyes turn from a beautiful blue to a burning red with fire behind them.

"I have nothing to be scared of. I have all the power here on earth, there is nothing I cannot do! God has no power here; I have it all. I have known the Lord for a long time now. He makes you think there is something more! People do a lot of talking about me, that he kicked me out of heaven. Look how many angels thought the same as me and came with me!"

I take a step back and angrily strike back at him,

"You are so sick! I am tired of you and your slithering ways; you are nothing more then a snake! Where were you all my life while I was down, why did you not come to me with such promises of riches and love before now? I know why and you know why. You have lost me, I sat next to you beat down and telling people that it was God that made my life to be so **** You had me in the palm of your hand and had me doing your work for you. Now that is all gone. You have lost your stranglehold on me and I am now seeing you for what you really are!

Now you come to me wanting me back, but you knew it was not going to be so easy. You knew you could not just role me over like you did before. You knew I was stronger and stronger in the Lord! So you try to tempt me with such things that no blind man would ever turn away. That didn't work then you tempt me with love, you're right she is the one thing I had briefly in my life that actually mattered to me and now it is gone. Because of you! I will not have you use what you did to me to believe it was God that did me wrong, not again!

I will use my knowledge that I have learned from the Bible to lead people away from you.."

The man became so angry with me that at that exact moment it started to rain so hard it sounded like tanks were rolling down the street. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me close to him.

"I can make your life a living hell, I could send you away. Have you thrown in prison! Anything!"

Look right into his fiery eyes and ask him,

"How, I have done nothing wrong."

He smiles at me.

"You never heard of innocent people being put away?"

I smiled right back at him.

"Fine, you do that. Have me thrown into prison, all those lost souls there. All those criminals that are in need of direction will find one. I will have people all around me that are in your hands. I will loosen your grip on them and help them find God. Is that all you got? Once again you have failed to change me. Again, I am stronger now, I will not just role over for you anymore."

He then lets go and takes a step back.

"You think God cares about you? You think he is looking after you? You turned your back on him! You committed the ultimate sin and for years you denied him and even denied his existence! The one sin that is unforgivable, he will never accept you now! Where is he? This is why he never talks to you, never answers when you call, but I am here and I am asking for you back. You might as well come back and let me give you want you want."

I look down for a second and think. As all of what he just said sinks in I could not help but feel like he is right in some way. I then look back up into his eyes.

"You are right, I have committed the one sin that is unforgivable. Maybe that is why he never answers me when I call. But, if that is the one sin unforgivable by God… Then I have nothing more to lose by continuing to try reaching for him."

I take a step back to my door and turn back with one last thing.

"Your time with me is over, leave now. Do what you want with my life. Take it all away; even kill me. Nothing you can do will make me curse God again and blame him. Nothing you can do will make me turn my back on him again, but I am now turning my back on you and never looking back."

I then turn back toward my door and walk in and shut the door behind me. I then make my way back over to my bed and lay back down.

I have finally beat MGS4 on Big Boss Hard.

The game is epic and loved every second of it. Also I found a new respect for some characters like Raiden, I was very pleased with just about everything in the game and will write a review soon enough. Now that I have been stuck in the Metal Gear world the last few days I must now get back to reality.

Hey, look at what today is... I hate it.

That is right, MGS4 is here and I will not be on at all until after I have beaten it. So until then...

have fun!

Hey, I noticed I never updated my situation, so I guess I will now...

I found an apartment and have been here about 2 months now? LOL I know I haven't thought about blogging about me, not something I get into. I now live in the ghetto, kind of. Only once in a great while I get bums coming around asking for money. Other then that it is a nice area and quiet. All my friends make fun of me for where I am now located.

As for College, I guess I am taking the summer off. Not sure what to do after that. My whole out look on my future has changed, I had goals to move out to California (for more reasons than one) and now it seems to be in question. I guess it is hard to explain seeing most of you have no idea what I am talking about. I guess I can say I have made a fool of myself about someone and now everything is up in the air and I don't know what to expect anymore or what will come of anything.I will say this kind of scares me, I had plans to change my whole life and now it seems to be coming apart. Leaving a question mark on my future. When I was young, I had no real care for tomorrow. I made bad dissisions left and right without care of consequence. Now I aim to do things with my life in the form of short term goals, I can't deal with long term goals, too much to handle or that is how it seems. So it does kind of bother me that it seems like I am back to just going with the flow, which I am good with, just not when it comes to how my life turns out.

So for the summer I am just going to work hard, do continue to do more with the church that I have been going to on Friday nights. Someone once told me you should be around people with the same religious outlooks as you and I kind of agree. I feel my wisdom already growing. Though do not get this wrong, I am not a "christian" never will be. I do not follow any one religion. I consider myself non dominational, though I understand this is becoming more and more of a name for a religion. So I like to say "I am a spirital man." Sounds goofy I guess, but whatever.

I guess that is all I have for now, I am about to head off to a class I am taking at the church. So if you want to know anymore or share anything you have going on this summer, please by all means leave a comment.

Just want to know what everyone thinks of it.

What would you do if your online gaming experience was determined by your internet provider and not whether a server was dedicated or not? You may soon be given the opportunity to find out, as Virgin Media's CEO, Neil Burkett, has decided "this net neutrality thing is a load of bollocks." Burkett happens to also run a cable operator that provides around 3.6 million people in the UK with internet service. What makes this dangerous is the fact that Virgin is already in talks with unnamed content providers about having their content delivered faster than companies that aren't willing to pay for the privilege. So, in theory, this could result in us, as PlayStation Network users, being limited in our access speed to online games such as Warhawk, Call of Duty 4, Rock Band and the like.

A small scale example of what is potentially about to occur is something that happened within the community of YouTube.com. YouTube was at one time deleting non-partner videos from the top viewed lists in order to make room for their partner's videos. This lead to a decently-sized outrage from not only a few users, but from the YouTube community itself, and eventually lead to a changed approach to the situation. While this may only affect a small few, the idea of funneling more views to one channel over another is a similar problem to what Virgin is thinking about implementing but on a much larger scale.

One of the YouTube channels that spurred the revolt was AtheneWins, which is created and ran by a group of individuals out of Belgium, who also happen to support a thought they created called, I Power. I Power is based around the belief that every individual has the right to make the changes to be who they want to be. They're also known internationally for their political endeavors under the name NEE.

I Power has recently started a "Stop Virgin" movement to prevent this incident from ever taking place. They realize that this is something all ISPs have been trying to achieve, yet none have ever blatantly stated it like Virgin Media. They understand that if Virgin succeeds in regulating your internet usage like television networks decide what you get to see on TV and what you don't, the global trend will then begin and this will eventually affect everyone around the world. I sought out a comment from I Power in regards to this issue and were provided with the following:

"In a climate without net neutrality, you'll have big online games like World of Warcraft offering an enjoyable experience since their developers have the budget to reserve their high-bandwidth spot with all the ISP's but you'll have the ISP's actually crippling the traffic of online games that are not on their partner-list. It's a logical result of all data traffic being commercially prioritized. Several high-profile inside sources have actually let us know that you may not even have access to non-partnered servers/sites without additional payment to your ISP, we have some new info on that which we discussed in a recent I Power clip."

By now, you're probably figuring out how this could eventually affect you and the joys you get from online gaming. Well, what if one of these ISPs decided that Call of Duty 4 only promotes war and violence and thus chooses to make your experience on the server sluggish? You'll be playing on a delayed connection while everyone around you will be taking you down before you even see them coming. Is that something you'd enjoy? What if Activision wasn't willing to pay for Virgin's subscribers to have speedy access to their online games? The possibilities on how this could eventually change online gaming and lower its appeal to the user are endless.

One of the biggest suppliers of an online world for gamers is Activision Blizzard and through their title, World of Warcraft, they have amassed over ten million subscribers to their service. I decided to get in contact with their online department in order to find out how this could eventually affect their userbase and they were kind of enough to give us a reassuring comment.

"The online performance of our games has always been a top priority for us, and we'll continue to work with our partners to help ensure that players enjoy a high-quality connectivity and entertainment experience when playing Blizzard games online."

While Blizzard may sound like they'd be willing to pay for the privilege for their users to have a stable connection to their server, this could also result in higher subscription fees as well. This isn't guaranteed, but the small things can quickly snowball into a much larger situation. I for one, do not want to feel obligated to paying $5 more a month in order to insure that when I log on to game with people from around the world, I can still do it.

I have a feeling that if this idea eventually gained enough steam, it could potentially harm everyone's online experience, regardless of which console you owned. Not only may the ISP decide to try and push the console companies into paying more money to guarantee a smoother experience, but it could also potentially lead into them expecting developers to do so as well. For those of you believing this could never occur, don't be so naïve either. This is a very strong possibility, maybe not immediately, but in the not-so-distant future, it could be a reality for us all.

Hopefully you can now see the potential and possibility in regards to how this can and will eventually affect you as a gamer. Whether it results in you being unable to access gaming media online at an appropriate speed or you're unable to access a gaming server; the issue at hand has the potential to grow at an alarming rate, one of which I'd prefer to see cut-off short.