• 10Oct 08

  How Does It Feel to Be One of the BOO!tiful People? ...Baby, You're a WITCH Man

  Baby, you're a WITCH man

  Baby, you're a WITCH man, too.

  Happy
  JACK HANDEY
  Friday!

  (I'd like to be able to say
  "back by popular demand,"
  but actually, I'm only posting this out of
  (GOOD) habit,
  one that just doesn't know when to quit, I guess,
  AND BECAUSE
  ***toots own horn, but not before slipping
  into a prized possession (Ethel Merman costume)
  and shouting out stage directions:

  CURTAIN UP!!
  LIGHT THE LIGHTS!
  PLAY IT, BOYS!***

  

  "Ya either got it, or ya ain't.
  And, boys, I got it!
  Ya like it?
  Well, I got it!
  
  Some people got it and make it pay.
  Some people can't even give it away.
  This people's got it
  and this people's spreadin' it around!
  You either have it
  or you've had it!"

  "ONE THING KIDS LIKE is to be
  

  TRICKED.
  For instance, I was going to
  take my little nephew to

  

  DISNEYLAND,

  but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. 'Oh, no,' I said, 'Disneyland burned down.' He cried and cried, but I think deep down, he thought it was a pretty good joke. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late." --Jack Handey

  ***reaches into Trick-or-Treat bag
  and pulls out a joke-wad***

  HERE,
  THIS IS for you:

  QUESTION: Why did the witch keep
  turning into Mickey Mouse?
  

  ANSWER: She kept having

  
  DISNEY spells.

  Bah-doomp-BOO!mp.

  YES.
  THAT'S CORRECT.
  I DO HAVE THE ANSWERS
  to some age-old questions.

  THE ANSWERS:

  THERE ARE FOUR, count 'em, four, SCARY celebrities (one past, three present-- a.k.a. The BOO!tiful People) who celebrate birthdays today. One way, AND sometimes another, they are:

  The many times-dubbed
  Worst Filmmaker of ALL Time,

  
  
  Plan 9 From Outer Space's

  

  ED WOOD, JR.
  (1924-1978)

  "Movies were his passion.
  Women were his inspiration.
  Angora sweaters were his weakness."

  

  Johnny-on-the-spot,
  eh?

  

  "BOO!" LING,
  otherwise known as BAI LING (b. 1970),
  "actress" and winner of Fug Madness 2008,
  a competition for worst dressed celebrity
  brought to us by Go Fug Yourself blog.
  ("BOO!" received 1.1 million votes in 10 days.)

  Van Halen's defunct lead singer

  

  DAVID LEE ROTH
  (b. 1955)

  WASN'T HE GREAT IN all those

  
  "Lucius Malfoy"
  HARRY POTTER MOVIES?!

  And

  LAST, BUT NOT LEAST:
  Country crooner

  

  TANYA TUCKER

  OOPS! Make that
  
  

  TANYA TUCKER ( b. 1958 )

  WHILE I'M AT IT, playing his ghoulfriend
  during the 80s,
  Ms. Tucker's "BOO!" --OOPS, again!--
  I mean beau, was the EQUALLY SCARY
  (but NOT having a birthday today)

  

  WITCHITA LINEMAN
  himself!

  HAD ENOUGH? Me, too.

  LET'S

  
  Created by Luccino's Delights
  CARVE the CAKE!
  
  

  NINE WORDS:

  WITCH you like to ride
  in my BOO!tiful BOO!lloon?
  

  SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

  RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

  • Posted Oct 10, 2008 12:17 pm GMT
  • Category: General
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• 6Oct 08

  Oh, What a BOO!tiful Morning! Oh, What a BOO!tiful day!

  

  Happy DOG DAY Monday,
  my friends!

  MY DOG NEVER has to think twice
  when we ask her if she wants to

  

  DRESS UP FOR
  HALLOWEEN.
  (This get-up has me thinking of Chris Farley's
  SNL performances as motivational speaker
  

  

  Matt Foley

  grunting and panting out his trademark line
  warning his audience that, like him, they
  could end up being "...35 years old, thrice
  divorced and living in a van down by the river!")

  OUR JANE'S A GIRLY-GIRL who loves to wear BIG-bowed ribbons on a daily basis, and proudly displays that one technicolor toenail when Puppet gets out the nail polish. She'll never turn down a hoodie when someone around the house decides to peel off a layer, or wearing the "arms" of a sweatshirt freshly shorn of its sleeves. But Halloween costumes are her favorite. This year, she's thinking of taking the scenic Duct tape route. Possibly going as baby back ribs (Duct tape several little baby dolls together and fasten them to her back, along with spine-tingling barbeque sauce) or moral fiber (Duct tape a prop 10 Commandments tablet to her, with a small cereal box of bran flakes Duct taped to her head).

  WHAT'S THAT YOU SAY, Janey? Timmy's trapped in the mineshaft?! Wait-- wait. That's another dog. Say it again, Jane. SPEAK!

  ***pauses for a Janey reiteration***

  OH! GREAT IDEA!
  JANE WANTS us to vote.

  PLEASE
  "Arf!" once for baby rack ribs,
  and twice for moral fiber.
  THANKS!
  Jane hopes to tally the results
  by the end of the day, tommorow.

  Dog Day
  HALLOWEENIE
  RIDDLE TIME:

  QUESTION:
  What's a vampire's favorite dog?
  
  ANSWER:
  
  A bloodhound.

  ONE WORD:
  GROOOAN!!!

  

  FANGS
  for a lovely time!

  SparkleFarkle~~~~~*
  
  RIP, my Mollo and Drea.

  IMPORTANT P.S. If you haven't already done so, please, PLEASE, after you've posted your Top 5 changes in a blog headed "My Top 5 Changes" (NOTE: It's still not too late to submit this entry!), post a comment in Glenn11523's blog titled "Top 5 Changes" stating that you've done so. That way all the information can be collected for CBS in a timely and organised fashion. Doing so will complete the Darkout. Thank you so very much!

  • Posted Oct 6, 2008 1:18 pm GMT
  • Category: General
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• 4Oct 08

  Orenthal James Hits Vegas Jackpot!

  

  Oh-oh, Spaghettios!!

  Somebody
  forgot to say
  an October
  BUNNY! BUNNY!

  AND SPEAKING OF superstitions,

  

  LET'S HEAR IT FOR
  the number 13!

  O.J. Simpson was found guilty, late Friday, on all 12 counts stemming from robbing two sports-memorabilia dealers at gunpoint in a Las Vegas hotel room.

  
  Photo credit: Getty Images

  THE JUICE,
  bail-less in Vegas

  THE VERDICT, which jurors DELIBERATED 13 HOURS before reaching, COMES 13 YEARS TO THE DAY after Mr. Simpson was acquitted in the highly publicized "Trial of the Century" for the brutal murders of his ex-wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, and her friend, Ron Goldman.

  ONE WORD:

  

  karmaphala

  karmaphala [kahr-muh-pah-luh] noun-- the results or "fruits" of actions. the outcome of one's actions. karma being the sum of all done, is currently been done and will be done, and phala being what you get in return. Also: karma-phala.

  READY FOR the BIG harvest, Orenthal?
  You'd be wise to mind that
  old, SparkleFarkle superstition:

  

  Find the "rosy" in the apple,
  then make a wish before
  taking the first bite from it.

  ***outstretches arms and braille-reads
  the autumn-crisp Wisconsin air***
  
  AHHHHH!

  FEELS LIKE A great day to pick apples!
  Could I put you down for
  a mega-couple of dozen bushels,
  Mr. Simpson???
  Where you're (finally) headed,
  you're going to need ALL the
  good luck-wishes you can get!

  Let's play

  
  
  Love Boat
  Brunch!

  Run! Get your swimsuit!
  JUSTICE is now being served
  on the lido deck!

  SparkleFarkle~~~~~*

  RIP, my Mollo, Drea, Nicole Brown Simpson, and Ron Goldman.

  IMPORTANT P.S. If you haven't already done so, please, PLEASE, after you've posted your Top 5 changes in a blog headed "My Top 5 Changes" (NOTE: It's still not too late to submit this entry.), post a comment in Glenn11523's blog titled: "Top 5 Changes" stating that you've done so; that way, all the information can be collected for CBS in a timely and organised fashion. Doing so will complete the Darkout. Thank you so very much!

  • Posted Oct 4, 2008 9:49 am GMT
  • Category: Opinion
  • 20 Comments
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