All About UNOwen802
I saw something today. Something that nearly made me burst out laughing in public. Normally, I wouldn't care about laughing in public, but this time, I'm sure somebody would have asked me why I was laughing, and I wouldn't be able to tell them. But, I can tell you now, because what I saw has already past. Today, as I was strolling down the mall, I happened to turn to my right. On my right was a GNC (General Nutrition Center) store. The store itself was unamusing, as usual. It was more what was in front of said store. For those of you who have never seen, or otherwise taken interest in a GNC store, let me get you caught up. Usually, they offer a few machines in order to tell you how unhealthy you are, and subsequently, how much you need their products. Most of these machines disguise themselves by still requiring you to pay a nominal fee (50 cents) for their services. Machines include (but are usually not limited to) a scale/body mass index, blood pressure/heart-rate monitor, and the like. The machine of interest here was the scale. What I saw was an obviously unfit woman step onto the scale, pay her 50 cents, and listen to the machine tell her she was unhealthy. I don't want to say she was fat, but the machine did contemplate givving her a complete refund, but then likely retracted the idea, for even it knew it would likely go towards food, which she obviously already had plenty of. Had I known before hand that this particular woman was going for that machine, I would have walked right up to her and said, "Hey, no need to pay the machine, man. If you really want, I can do the same job for half price! Best yet, there is no need to walk over to me. Just stay where you are, in order to avoid crushing me, and I'll give you a reading from here. You're fat! Go get some exercise, you walking manatee. There is no need to bing a helpless scale into this conversation." Honestly, I don't know who she thought she was kidding. There was no way anybody was going to say. "Is that lady fat? I don't know. Oh, wait, she may not be fat. See? She's getting on a scale to see if she is fat. That means she could be thin." A clerk in the store next to the GNC also noticed the situation and had a similar reaction. It was like she thought, "Well, I can't see my feet over my gut, but maybe I've just trapped some air! There's no way all this extra sag could weigh more than 20 lbs." I wish I could have been right next to here as soon as the scale gave her the reading. Then I could have said something like, "Nope, still fat!"
Don't get me wrong. I'm not making fun of this lady just because she is fat. I see plenty on unamusing fat people daily that I don't feel the need to write about. I'm making fun because it appeared she thought that maybe, just maybe, for a split second, she may, in fact, NOT BE FAT! Now, I know I'm going to get some people who say, "You are mean, Owen! How do you know she was fat? It could have been a tumor." That is true. It could have been a tumor. However, my only question is, if it was a tumor, where did she get enough barbecue sauce to devour the whole thing like that? Who could be that irresponsible to give that much condiment? You'd think that at some point, someone could have asked, "Are you going to be cooking for a lot of people?" "No. I'm going to eat a gigantic, fat-filled tumor." "Then, in good faith, I cannot sell you this. It would be irresponsible of me. Have a nice day, ma'am."
Then, there are going to be others of you. Those of you who say, "You are still mean, Owen. She might be trying very hard to lose weight. You know what they say, 'Inside every overweight person, there is a healthy person trying to get out.'" That may also be true. However, if such is true, call a search party equipped with spelunking gear because there can be up to eight missing people in there. Hurry up and let them out! She likely swallowed them whole when she breached the surface of the ocean.
Now, before I get even more hate mail, understand that I am not fit either, except I am in the opposite direction. Let me put it this way, I once tried to sponsor an Ethiopian child. I sent a donation and we exchanged pictures. Within 10 days of sending my picture I received my donation back with interest and a note saying that I obviously needed it more than he. The difference between me and that lady (and probably 60% of all you reading this, anyway) is that I don't give a damn. I'm scrawny, get pushed around a lot, have to wear weights when its windy, and break a sweat just to lift my toothbrush, but that is me. I'm not complaining to the whole world everyday, look at magazine ads of buff guys with hot chicks all over them, wishing it were me, or getting on a PAY scale hoping, by some miracle, I have suddenly gained 60 lbs of muscle. If people are kidding around about my weight, I'll kid with them. I'm the one who started the whole joke of: "If I turn sideways, I'm invisible!" People that try to take advantage of me because they don't think I have the strength to knock them out soon find themselves staring down a 5" hunting knife. You don't need to be strong in order to gut someone. Unfortunately, I have only been able to whip it out twice, but those two times, it got the message across real quick! Aw, well. The moral of the story, kids, is if you are uncomfortable with who you are, don't waste your time trying to kid yourself. Use that time to work on it. If you don't want to work on it, then simply accept who you are, and you'll go through life much happier. And, if you find yourself is a complicated situation, where being who you are makes things much more difficult, find a way to compensate (i.e. carry around your own metaphorical "large knife"), rather than try to have the world compensate for you. If your fingers are too fat to dial a phone, don't demand public phones to have large buttons to accommodate you. Carry around a "dialing stick" to hit the smaller buttons.
23Dec 06My Wii #: 3388-6885-4219-1431
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28Oct 06Hopefully, this is the first of a long running line of respected movie reviews!
NACHO LIBRE (2006)
Directed by Jared Hess
Jack Black plays as a monastary cook in an orphanage who wants a little respect. He looks to Lucha Libre, mexican free-style wrestling, for just that. He secretly transforms himself (with a little help from a street beggar, Esqueleto, "The Skeleton") into Nacho Libre. Through his adventure, he learns that fighting only for himself gets him nowhere, but fighting for a cause unlocks true strength.
I will say, up front, I did not expect much from this movie at all. I did not like Napoleon Dynamite (start hating if you want to ) and figured this one to be just as uninspired. I was in for quite a surprise. Although not the best acting in the world, it did not get in the way of the story, nor did it distract from punchlines. The acrobatics of the wrestling matches are brilliant. They really got me into the movie. They characters he fights are well portrayed, and the stunts riled me up!
I only see one small flaw in this movie. An orphan that fat? Must be why they didn't have money for food most of the time. I don't see that as an issue for most people. At most, it did kind of bother me, but I would be hard pressed to make it work. Oh, well.
So, finally, I will say I do give this movie a recommendation. It's at least worth a rent, if not a buy. 7 out of 10.
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