In the year 2012, all the phones in the world had caller id. Because of this, companies that relied on getting money over the phone were in tough shape, since nobody would answer when they saw the company's name on the caller id. All these companies got together and decided that they would all change their name to Michel Friedman so their phones call would seem friendlier. This worked for a while, until people realized what the companies had done, and they stopped answering the phone from Michel Friedman and things went back to how they were before. Michel Friedman, who lived on the corner of thirty-six and third, hadn't spoken to anybody on the phone in two months. He saw people walk by his window talking on their cell phones, but whenever he called somebody, they would never answer. He hoped that someday he would understand why.

Craig Roberts reached the end of Third Street and put his cell phone in his pocket. He looked up at the building that he hoped would be the new place of work. He went in.

"Well Mr. Roberts, it seems that you have extensive experience in this field and could contribute a lot to our corporation. I do have one quick question though."

"Sure"

"On the application, you left a blank space in the box labeled "superpower", why was that?"

"Oh, yeah, I was going to ask you about that, I wasn't sure what you meant by that"

"You know, superpower, flight, heat-vision, super-strength, what's yours?"

"I'm sorry, I'm still not following."

"Oh, it doesn't need to be something as big as those, I mean, we have uses for all kinds of powers, Bob can shred paper with his fingers and Marianne here can read minds."

An attractive blonde walked by, Craig nodded at her, she glared disapprovingly back.

"Well, I don't think that I have any super powers, but I am a fast typist."

"Hmm, well Mr. Roberts, unfortunately, we here at Michel Friedman make it is a policy to only employ those people with superpowers, I'm sorry, it's nothing against you, it's just always been company policy, Sarah will show you out."

Craig could not open his mouth to speak, his body stood up and his feet led him to a smaller room. A women across the room stared at him. Her eyes became larger than he thought anybodies eyes could ever be, they began to glow. Before he had a chance to panic, Craig was back on the corner of thirty six and third. He hoped that someday, he would understand what had happened.

"An Audio/Visual assault to all of the senses, including that of decency."

-The New York Times

Edit: My production of content has been lacking, I'd apologize, but I'm not really sorry, because I want this blog to be something that I want to enjoy and be excited about doing, not something that feels like a chore. I've felt too busy to update it, but please don't ask me how, because I honestly have no idea what I've been doing over the past few weeks. Anyway, that's not to say that I still don't want to interact and share with all my awesome peeps here on the spot (I've been reading everyone's blogs). So, since I'm taking a short fiction writing class this quarter, it should give me a chance to at least share something. Here is the first piece I wrote for it, though unfortunately, I never really intended to follow through with what I write (I've long left sincerity in my writing behind). Anyway, here you go.

I should really take the time to exercise more, you know, nothing major, it's not like I have to be a health nut or anything like that, but a little more exercise certainly seems like it would pay off. It doesn't seem like there can be too much harm in trying to live a bit healthier. I certainly have the free time and the benefits should be well worth it.

It would certainly be nice to have a bit more confidence in myself, to not feel so self conscious every time I have to be skins in the basketball game, you know, it's not like I have to be Kevin Garnett or anything, but really, it would be nice to be just a little more defined than the skin and bones I am now. Not only that, but exercising a bit more would be a good way to make myself at least a little more attractive to girls, I mean, I probably wouldn't be interested in somebody who thought looks were very important anyway, but I'm sure anyone would appreciate dating a guy who at least takes some effort to improve his body. I mean, I would appreciate it. I know that it's not like working out will get the ladies swarming all over me, but it certainly might give my chances a little boost.

Plus, I mean besides from things like that, it would be nice to be a bit stronger. I understand that it's not like I'll be able to lift cars or juggle tires or crazy stuff like that, but I wouldn't mind it if my arms didn't hurt for the rest of the day after helping my dad move his rowboat a couple feet. It would be handy for sports too, really, what do I have to lose from being able to run a bit faster or throw a bit harder. It's not like I'm going to instantly become a great player all of a sudden or something like that, but maybe I wouldn't be the one to constantly be subbed out when we have more players than we need.

Yeah, this is definitely the thing to do, I mean, really, am I so lazy that I wouldn't work just a bit harder to get all those benefits, it's not even like it's a huge time commitment anyway, I bet even like a half an hour a day would be enough to really be looking trim. After a week or two I will probably find myself walking everywhere I can without a shirt, I mean, if it was warm enough, because it would be awesome if everyone could see how shapely I'd become, hmm, It sounds a little fruity to refer to my body as "shapely", I mean, It doesn't really matter now, but once I become a bodybuilding type guy, it might sound a bit weird. It's also weird to think that right now, I don't have any girlfriend or anything, but soon I'll probably find myself having to choose between a bunch of hot girls who want to be my girlfriend, they probably saw me playing on the Western Football team or carrying big rocks around campus for some reason, which reminds me, I'd better join the Football team.

So, I'll work out some kind of training schedule tomorrow and start as soon as I can. It might seem like a lot of work at first, but I'm sure once I get used to it, the benefits should become pretty apparent. I mean, I'm sure that just a few days of hard work will really pay off. I mean, I have to be honest with myself, right now, I bet other people look and me and think that I'm pretty wimpy, because, well, I kinda am. But, you know in a few days I could really take some effort and change that. You know, it's like people will see me, but before they're able to formulate any sort of opinion about me they'll be blinded by the reflection of the sun off my bulging Pecs, forcing them to turn their heads down, only to see at least six bikini clad women clutching tightly to my rock hard calf muscles. I'll pass by them so quickly, that the people will barely have time to move out of the way and find a pen to get my autograph as the star player on every sports team on campus. By this time, I don't even own any shirts, because my chest is so thick and shapely that it protects me from cold, wind, hail, fire or shrapnel if the need arises. Crap, I used shapely again, it's gonna be a lot of work to get that out of my vocabulary, but I'm sure that after a few hours of practice, the benefits will be well worth it.

Merry Christmas Gamespot Peeps!

It's that stressful time of year again, out shopping and trying to find the right presents for all the people on your list. You know, some people might say that the holidays have become a bit over-commercialized, but really, as long as you keep the spirit in your heart, what can go wrong.

So, what did you get for Christmas? I got a bag of Rancid Cow Entrails (it's sort of a tradition in our family), anyway, I wish you all the best over the holidays.

So, aside from the Holidays, maybe you've been wondering what else I've been up to, well aside from a fairly steady descent into madness, not too much. Hmm, maybe I don't have a whole lot to blog about, let me think about it for a second...

oh, well, I got a play published, it was a minor project I'd had on the back-burner for a while, so I was more than a little surprised to receive a phone call from a producer on Broadway who wanted to direct it, I'm not particularly sure why a producer wanted to direct my play, but I don't really know a whole lot about the details, I was just happy to receive a large sack of money in the mail (you know, the kind with the dollar sign on it). In retrospect, I'm happy with the way the play turned out, it was an excellent combination of humanity, philosophy and imaginary fencing. I was especially proud of the dance number in the middle

Anyway, so I was walking the streets with the big sack of money dangling around, you know, looking for a good service to buy, or something. So, anyway, I find my way to this museum that I didn't remember being there before, it's called the Abs of Steel Museum, so, you know, at first I'm assuming that it's some kind of gym or something, but what it actually turned out to be was this weird sort of all-ages activity center. The building is made up of a bunch of booths, all of which have a shirtless guy with totally carved pecs inside, next to him, there are a bunch of artistic tools, Markers, Chalk, and Carving Knives to allow the guest to come in and make what ever sort of artistic choice they see fit, right on the abs of the guy in the booth. So, needless to say, I thought this was a pretty great idea, and I bought the entire museum right then and there.

I tried to keep things stable there for a while, but it wasn't long before I had a realization: to hire people to stand there and get covered in toxic paint or get their abs cut was dangerous, inhumane and radically unethical. So, I did what had to be done, I cancelled all health benefits for the employees, it saved the company millions and allowed me to sell off at huge profits.

However, I'm getting sick of typing, so lets just say that most of the money got accidentally sewn into my skin for some reason. So, I used the rest of the money to get a new computer, now I have a new computer. Aside from that stuff, my descent into madness continues.

It has often been remarked, probably more often by poor people, that the best things in life are free. Really though, who can argue with this, after all, the countless material possessions that you have obtained through the years through diligent hard work and holidays may keep you engaged for a little while, but farther down the stretch you realize that shoplifting is just a whole lot easier. Of course I am kidding, street muggings are the way to go. But after a hard night of muggings, it's the time shared with your family and friends, and the creative choices that you make for yourself (try mugging somebody with a carrot once in a while), that give life that extra reminder of why you even get up in the morning.

Are you following me? I sure hope so, because it only gets more complicated from here on out (this will be on the quiz). The point is, the aforementioned items (aside from the carrot) are all free. And Thats Not All! If you act now, I'll throw in this 2mb mp3 player (that's enough space for nearly 1/2 of an entire song!) and you don't have to pay for 7 months... it's practically free.

Wait, no, that was not the point I was trying to make, albeit a good deal. Alright, deep breath... haah, ok. Here we go. The point that I was trying to make was that, something doesn't have to cost money to be cool. I personally would assert that human contact is a bit overrated, but the price is just right. Also, one time I found half a tube of Spree by the side of the road that, aside from some mud and bugs that had gotten into it, was nearly as good as the 60 cent kind. Also, free is the price of what is one of the most engaging games I've ever played. I am of course referring to the Freewhere epic: Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden.

As somebody who has been raised on the all American mantra "you get what you pay for", I was expecting BSUJG (that is short for Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden, but, since it takes a long time to type out "Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden" I will, from here on, refer to Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden, as BSUJG, in order to preserve time, if this all sounds confusing, don't worry, I'll remind you) anyway, I was expecting BSUJG (remember what that stands for) to be little more than a throwaway novelty. However, the novelty seemed like it would be so great that I had to check it out anyway. Here is a quick description of the game's premise from the website, which, I will let you know is presented every bit as dramatically as you could hope.

"The Great B-Ball Purge of 2041, a day so painful to some that it is referred to only as the "B-Ballnacht". Thousands upon thousands of the world's greatest ballers were massacred in a swath of violence and sports bigotry as the game was outlawed worldwide. The reason: the Chaos Dunk, a jam so powerful its mere existence threatens the balance of chaos and order. Among the few ballers and fans that survived the basketball genocide was Charles Barkley, the man capable of performing the "Verboten Jam"...
Flash forward 12 years to the post-cyberpocalyptic ruins of Neo New York, 2053. A Chaos Dunk rocks the island of Manhattan, killing 15 million. When the finger is put on the aging Charles Barkley, he must evade the capture of the B-Ball Removal Department, leand disappear into the dangerous underground of the post-cyberpocalypse to clear his name and find out the mysterious truth behind the Chaos Dunk. Joined by allies along the way, including his son Hoopz, Barkley must face the dangers of a life he thought he gave up a long time ago and discover the secrets behind the terrorist organization B.L.O.O.D.M.O.S.E.S."

As I said earlier, the game actually fulfills the hopes that this epic description brings up, the story is told with a sense of melodrama that constantly teeters between heart-breaking and hilarious at the sheer absurdity of it all. Luckily, all the characters are well developed enough and likable enough that the events of the story are consistently engaging and emotional, even comparable to the point of (I dare say it) Final Fantasy 4.

What really caught me by surprise though was not only the storytelling, but, that BSUJG provided gameplay mechanics and design that would have been strong enough to stand on their own (and considering that the mechanics are no more complex than the average SNES RPG, this is no small feat). All of your characters have a large quantity of varied attacks many of which require varied input from you (think Paper Mario, but with more Slams and Jams), at many points in the game, I actually willingly sought out battles with enemies just for fun, and, since the story moves forward so constantly (RPGs without filler are rare, but this is one of them), you never know when you'll get another chance.

Really, though, there's not lot of reason for me to continue heaping praise on BSUJG, because you reading it would just take away from valuable time you could be playing the game. If you're the type of person who values good design and a memorable story over flash and dash (so basically, if you're smart): I'm sure that you will find that Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden stacks up well against the best that Super Nintendo RPGs have to offer.

Edit: [For those of you who are left completely confused from my rambling incoherent writing stylings, I'll summarize things for you, basically, some guys used RPG maker to create a piece of software entitled Barkley: Shut Up and Jam Gaiden which is completely free to download and plays a lot like the Super Nintedo RPGs we know and love. I think it's awesome and you should play it. Clear, ok good.]

Download the full game straight from Gamespot

Or, get it here (this version may be more updated than the Gamespot one)

-Wootex

Quiz

1.Wootex earlier remarked about mugging somebody with a carrot. Which of the following vegtables would Not be an effective tool for mugging?

a. Ear of Corn

b. Cucumber

c. Mashed Potatoes

2.What does BSUJG stand for?

a. I forgot.

b. Barkley: Shut up and Jam Gaiden

c. Billy, shy Ugandans Juggle Geese.

3. Wootex marked this as an editorial because...

a. He is an egotistical jerk who feels that due to his social ineptitude in real life he must come across as an articulate and witty individual to gain the respect of a bunch of people on the Internet that he has never met, in order to inflate his dangerously low self esteem.

b. He wants as many people to be aware of and play this game so the creators will hurry up and make part 2.

c. Cheese.

4. The original title for this blog was "Can't buy a Thrill", that is:

a. A lyric from an awesome Bob Dylan song

b. The title of an awesome Steely Dan album

c. The original title for this blog

answers:

1.c 2.b 3.both a and b 4. a,b and c

More stuff not written by me, enjoy.

"Europe contains many tiny nations, with names like "Lichtenburg", that could not hold their own, militarily, against the UCLA Pep Squad. The tragic result is the modern-day European nations have had to content themselves with developing sound economies, while the United States, as a Major World Power, has enjoyed the privilege of getting its butt shot at all over the world."

and, because I love to type: Super Bonus Barry.

"My relationship with my son currently involves a certain amount of conflict, in the same sense that the Pacific Ocean involves a certain amount of water."