All About Xbol-Lox
Can't take it any longer… cracking up under the pressure… the PSNetwork hasn't been working for nearly three weeks… need to play online… can't live without it… starved of Sony goodness… can't keep going.
My brother just laughs every time I try to log on and get the same crappy message telling me that the online service is down… I pay good money for that service… well my Mum does… I'm not old enough to have a credit card yet… the bank won't let me have one for a childrens saver account.
He's started using the phrase "PSNotwork" because he knows it winds me up… he's nothing but a big meany and I hate him.
He offered to let me play online with him but I refused… partly because I don't want to be seen as a traitor… partly because the control pad is too big for my hands… that's one of the good things about a Dualshock pad… it's made for kids so it's much smaller.
My mum asked me why I wasn't playing online very much but I just mumbled something about there not being anything I wanted to play online, she then asked if I knew anything about a purchase that had been made on her credit card in Hawaii but I pretended I didn't know.
It really hurts not playing online… almost as much as when my last PS3 turned into a brick from a dodgy firmware update… my brother says I ought to try and sue Sony for failing to deliver a paid off service but I wouldn't do that… Sony are great.
I bet it's that nasty man George who did it… Sony should go round his house and give them a good kicking… then they should make him stop doing bad things on his PC… then everything will be up and running again.
Why won't it start working… Sony are ace at everything… surely they should have got it back working by now.
Today is a great day… well everyday is a great day when you've got a PS3… but today is special… my Mum is going out so I can play Killzone 3 online rather than against the bots in the Botzone.
My brother says Botzone was put there to keep "annoying little pricks like you" away from the online game so that people "like you don't bugger up the game for everyone else" but I don't care… and I didn't react when he said that to make it more apt they should have called it "Buttzone" as all Sony do is hammer their loyal fans up the back passage at every chance they get.
He also got all preachy about my not being old enough to play the game at all but I just stuck my tongue out at him and said "Ha!" before going back to watching "Rastamouse" on the TV… man that mouse is cool.
Next thing he just slapped me on the back of the head told me to "grow a pair you sad little tw4t before walking off.
I shouted after him that he was just jealous because he didn't get to play Killzone 3 because he owns a 360… all he did was laugh as he went back to his Crysis demo… he must have thought that was very funny because he was still laughing when I found out that Mum had changed the password on our wireless network so I couldn't go online… not fair… just not fair.
I asked my Dad what the new password was but he just said, "Get lost your spoilt bar steward" before turning the TV over so he could watch one of his "foreign films" which, from what I heard my brother sat, includes a woman "with a pair like a dead heat in a zeppelin race who does something unbelievable with a Great Dane" so I couldn't even watch TV anymore.
My brother offered to tell me what the new password was if I gave him a million pounds but I haven't got that much money, he then said that Sony wouldn't have that much money soon either as it's currently illegal for PS3's to be brought into Europe… LG have said some lies about Sony and the Court believed it so loads of PS3's are being "impounded" as they enter the ports and harbours… as they've technically been sent to the warehouses does this mean they still count when Sony announces it's next load of "Sales" figures?
My brother then made some joke about the woman in the film being "Pounded" but I didn't get the joke… it must have been a joke because he and Dad were both laughing as they slammed the door in my face.
To make up for the fact that Gran Turismo got delayed again I bought Move today… well my Mum did obviously, it would takes me months to save up enough from my paper round before I could buy it myself.
I really harped on about the way we'd all be able to play it and Mum says she'll have another go just as soon as the black eye heals up from where I accidentally smashed her in the face when we tried it out… and the dentist says he'll be able to put a crown on her tooth once the swelling goes down.
My sister loves it… well she says she does, she only ever seems to use it when we're out the house and she's all alone… just as well really as her controller is starting to smell a bit fishy.
We tried to get Dad involved but he just told me to "Grow up… you pathetic little bastard" and went back to reading his paper.
It doesn't matter that the games are pants, even the totally original, never been seen before, Wii-Sports clone… playing together is just great fun… I bet… if only I can get the rest of the family to believe me.
My brother said we should get Kinect instead, but I just laughed in his face and shouted "why would anyone want to jump around waving their arms like an idiot with that thing?" and then he punched me in face and told me to sod off.
Move is going to be great fun… and as soon as the bandages are removed and the patch comes off my eye I'll be right there again playing "Totally not a Wii-Sports rip-off."