All About _Sharpshooter_
Exams start on the 24th and finish on the 4th. Extremely busy with studying and forming my portfolio for make-up grades.
If I fail to pass, I fail the year and can't move on to my last year. If I do pass, I may go to Japan. Or, I may stay here and keep studying art for my favourite fine arts school over here.
Makan invited me to his new video game project and I think I'll be doing concept art and design related works. As soon as I'm done with exams, I'll draw a hell load of drawings for that. That's pretty much it.
What's up with you? Take care.
What's up people?
It's getting pretty late so I'll keep this short.
I recently got this.
I didn't have a chance to start reading but just skimming it with the time I had brought me to the conclusion that it will be a great read.
Along with that, I'm currently reading this:
The only thing I can say is...
George R. R. Martin > Chuck Norris. *Looks around nervously for incoming roundhouse kick*
Seriously... I finished the whole 2 seasons of the series of G.O.T. in a few days, and finished the first book in about a week. Sadly, I didn't have time for constant reading for this one.
Oh and by the way, I just saw The Dark Knight Rising and it blew me away. I've never witnessed so much epicness.
The prison scene, to me, was the best part in the movie. Gave me shivers.
For those who do not know, or haven't seen the movie, 'Deshi Bassara' means 'He Rises'.
It refers to the prisoners attempting a deadly climb up to the surface from where they're being held underground.
I'll leave it at that and give you this awesome link to pure eargasm. Enjoy.
I was way too tired to make a blog post that would contain all recent updates in my life, so I made do with a pretty short post letting you know I was back. Now, I'll try to make up to that.
I have 3 upcoming exams in about a month. If I pass, I pass. If I fail, I fail not only the exams but also the year. That means, I won't be able to move on to my last year in school. However, I've been studying and think I should feel comfortable since I am.
My only current motivationis that if I do pass, I'll be going to Japan for the next school year!
I've wanted to go to Japan for about 8 years and this is finally my chance. I've always admired the Japanese culture.
I'd be really, really happy if you read this to the end and told me what you think about it because it would really mean agreat deal to me.
I had an old friend. A friend I've known for over 17 years. He said he was into my ex. I had absolutely no problem with that. And that's what I said to him and they started dating. What happened briefly is that, he didn't value our friendship as much as I did, and fell for what my ex kept telling him about me. What he didn't quite understand is that I no longer feel anything for my ex, and I suppose he thought elseway. Could be the crap my ex kept telling him. Anyway, as a result, I realized what I thought was a 17 year old friendship was nothing more than him being an a**hole, talking behind my back, ignoring the fact that I set her up with my ex, allowing my ex to trick him into believing the stuff she kept on saying and so on.
I blame myself too, in this subject, for treasuring my friends or people I know, more than I'm supposed to. From on now, I'll be careful and remember than even when you think you've known someone for 17 years, It's possible that they screw you over and throw everything away. Heh.
Now to an even more emotional and saddening happening. (I lied when I said I wasn't going into emotional stuff.)
Don't get all "Oh no he's gonna get all sad this is boring" on me because it's really not like that. I'll try to keep it at the lowest level of melancholy.
There was this girl that I really, really liked.The problem is that a class-mate of mine was also into her and the rest of the class knew of his crush, and not mine, since he was the one to say it first.
Days passed, we had this Model United Nations conference in which we all took place in. There, me, and her just made eyes. You know, we didn't talk but it was kind of like we both had a crush on each other. After the long 4 day conference, there was a party that we all went, where we kept looking at each other. I was her smiling sometimes, right after.
I wanted to talk to her deeply but the reason I hadn't was because I knew my friend said he had a crush on her. I found him at the party and the conversation went on as follows:
(Me): Do you still like her?
-Did you tell her?
-Just to make this clear. Do you have a simple crush on her, like do you just like her? Or are you actually in love with her?
-I mean, I like her. Not that much though. Maybe some day.
-I need to tell you this. For a really long time, I had a crush on her. And in these last days, I realized that I don't like her, but I love her. I still didn't talk to her because I think our friendship is more important.
(I've been wanting to tell him for a long time but I didn't know what he'd think. That night, I finally had the courage to talk to him about her.)
-Yes, and because of this, I wanted to tell you before I tell her.
-So what do you think man?
-Well, I guess I'll go on and date her.
(He didn't mean this in a sarcastic, or offending way. I think he just didn't want to understand what I felt, because he was thinking with his hormones, instead of his brain, or sense for that matter.)
After that, I didn't want to make a scene so I passed off, not forcing the conversation. After that, while she and I were looking at each other, he came by and (There was music playing.) asked her to dance and they did.
After those days, the school arranged trips to art galleries, foreign language examinations and other stuff outside of school. I went to every single one of them because she was also going. Don't get me wrong, I'm not a stalker. I talked to her whenever I could.
One day, the 17-year-old-so-called-friend of mine, and him came by my house, to hang out. As they were taking off, I asked him (Not the ex-leech, my class-mate) to stay, so we could talk. I explained to him what I really felt about her and he said to me that what he felt wasn't as strong as my feelings so he'd back away. I said to him that I wasn't asking him to back away. I just wanted him to understand what I felt for her and she wasn't just a simple crush of mine.
I thought I had no problem now, since I thought he understood me. At a photo gallery, just as I was gonna approach her to talk, he moved in and started talking to her. I didn't interfere but felt furious, knowing that he had betrayed me and dishonoured his promise.
He kept on doing this for a while...
I decided to do something that would make her understand what I felt. Something that would express all my thoughts and feelings. I talked to a friend and he said he'd help.
I grabbed my camera and this poetic writing that I had written for her. We went on the streets and this is what we did.
We asked each person we saw to say a single word from that text and we recorded them. We went on doing this until we had every word on the papers.
When we were done we had talked to over 150 people, got rejected by dozens, spent over 12 hours on recording and finding people that would talk infront of the camera.
Oh, and because it was her birthday in a day, I also bought her a birthday present.
Like me, she likes mythology and enjoys writing. So I looked for something that would contain those two details.
I found a wonderful quill, with an Iron body of Aphrodite attached to the feather, and bought it for her.
When I got home, I talked to her on the phone, asked her if I could somehow see her. And that I was gonna give her something. She said she was really really busy but she could spare an hour, maximum, right after her courses at school.
If wanted to make it on time, I would have to sleep early and wake up really early.
That night, I stayed up until 6 AM editing the videos and forming them into a DVD. I said to myself: "I should get some sleep at least about an hour so that I don't look like a zombie when I get there." I couldn't make it in time, I was an hour late. So I couldn't see her.
That night, we were on the phone and I kept apologizing for not making it in time. I said: "It's not that I forgot, the reason I couldn't make it was a little more about you." and she said: "How come?"
I couldn't explain myself on her birthday on the phone. It wouldn't mean anything if I said everything I had done for her on the phone, instead of face to face. I said: "If you can give me about 5 minutes tomorrow or the day after, I'll come and explain everything. I'll also give you my present and then I think I will have made myself alot more clear."
She said: "I think it would be better if you said it on here, or never say it at all."
At that point, I felt the sudden, brutal slap of reality. She didn't like me. Not more than a friend, for that matter.
I said: "Probably, but I would like to at least explain myself to you." I apologized to her in case I made her mad.
She said: "I just wanted you to understand before things got harder."
That was the second slap. Kinda hurt more...
Weeks passed. She started texting me late at night, asking me how I was and stuff. That lit a light of hope inside of me for the second time.
A week ago, I met with my friend that helped me prepare the video. Later on, a mutual friend of ours joined us.
I told him what happened and he asked me:
-Where is she now?
I said: "At the island, on a vacation."
"Then why are you here?" He asked me.
I asked: "What do you mean?"
"Why don't we go to the island early in the morning, and how about you give her that video?"
I felt extremely happy. The only thing I wanted was to give her the movie. I never got the chance to, since she refused my offer to meet up, where I would explain myself.
At this point, I wasn't thinking of insisting, or didn't have in my mind to hit on her. I just wanted to let her know how I felt. And that was through the video.
So that night we bought a fairy ticket and went to the island early in the morning. We had to make a transfer from another island where we stayed a while, rented bikes and stuff. Turns out my friend looked at the wrong program and we missed the first departure. It wasn't a problem though since there was another one a few hours later.
As soon as we got to our final destination, I texted her. When she learned that I was on the same island as her, she was surprised. She said that she was with a friend of hers that she had missed and they were watching a movie, so she couldn't come at that time. We, had to leave at 5, since that was the last departure for our return. So I told her that and she said "Okay."
We waited at the harbour for a few hours. She texted me: So why did you come here? "
I said: "To see you. And I need to give you something."
She said: "I may not be able to make it. But you can give it to my brother who works at the restaurant."
I felt horrible. My friends were furious. As I walked to the restaurant, I hesitated. I wasn't sure if I should've given her the movie or not, since she obviously wasn't interested. But hey, I thought: "I should at least let her know how I feel, eventhough she doesn't feel the same. And if she doesn't, there's nothing I can do."
I gave her brother the movie and he took it to her right away. We went back to the harbour, all of us were sad.
When we were waiting at the harbour, we got on the phone and she said:
"Wow why did you do something like this? I mean it's great but now I feel even more guilty."
I said everything I ever wanted to say. Everything I felt and thought about her and everything I did for her. It was like getting 10 tons off my chest.
After her forthcoming reply, she said:
"This is the best, most amazing thing anyone has ever done for me. Nobody ever did anything even close to this for me. But it still doesn't change my feelings, I can't help it. I'm sorry."
And that, folks, is how I got rejected by the girl I love. What I hate about myself is that my feelings still haven't perished.
Aside from all the sadness and dissapointment, I don't regret what I did. Because I know that It was for the feelings that I had and it would be ignorant for me to pretend I didn't have them, and not do anything.
As for the previous story, you know what Joan Jett says.
"You don't lose when you lose fake friends."
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