- cousin_eddy
- Rank: The Boss
- Member since: Mar 24, 2004
- Last online: 05/05/13 3:32 pm PT
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Cousin_Eddy's Blog From Beyond The Galaxy.
You are traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land of imagination. Next stop, The Eddy Zone *music plays*.
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31Jan 13
Been a pretty busy month in regards to getting my life together. Decided that my relationship with university is a very....peculiar one...so until I know for sure if it's something I want to fully pursue I'm trying to pursue entering the work force to see if that's the right option for me. Though I am 24 years old now, I still haven't found exactly what I want out of yes. Yes i love to write, play music, design, etc...but I don't know what Id like to pursue ads a career...maybe I can find something where I don't need a BA or an MBA...who knows but I'm willing to find out.
I have blogged in the past about working with the OVR (Office of vocation rehabiliation) and have a counselor I regularly meet with to discuss this. She signed me up for the POWRR program, which, essentially is a program designed specifically for those with disabilities to get entry level (or higher) position at any UPMC facility (for those of you who dont know, UPMC is a worldwide healthcare system, who specialize in hospitals, health insurance and so on). All I had to do with partake in three seminars and i became "POWRR certified" which meant that when I apply for a job at UPMC, they will look at my application to see i have that certification and it willl help my chances.
The seminars weren't bad...they just made me uncomfortable. A lot of people signed up for this program and ALL of them have had job experience..whereas I haven't. I never had a job due to a lot of reasons..one of the biggest being I wasn't sure what I could handle or what I wanted to do. So many of the people there had elaborate degrees and tons of work experience and there I was...with absolutely nothing. But as long as I can get a job, which will eventually build into a prospective career than it'll all be worth it. As of yesterday I got my certification..so the job hunt begins.
I worked with my counselor on filling out a resume now I just need references and to fill out the extensive job application and I'm golden...really hoping I find something I can handle/that I enjoy doing. But right now it's uncertain what will happen...I just have to keep trying. I won't lie, this is all a bit overwhelming but a lot of things in life are. I just have to give it my absolute best and hope for as much.
I'll more than likely start working part time but I'd rather ease into it than dive head first 100%. A little worried if I do work part time though for a few reasons..getting there (The hospital is within walking distance but if it's really treacherous outside it might be difficult...especially if I work a shift that ends later) and I might have to work weekends...and my weekends are usually booked due to my band and my girlfriend (only see her about once a week now) but it's something Im sure I can look out.
Things are changing...it's scary but it's a good change, I think.
UP THE IRONS!
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29Jan 13
Anybody who has talked to me in the past knows my relationship with facial hair..and it was rarely good. If I went without shaving for three days or so I'd feel grungy and whatever else. When I did "Move over mrs markham" a few years ago I was required to grow a moustache for my part....and I couldn't wait to shave it off because, frankly, I looked like a motorcycle cop. In the past, off and on, I attempted to grow sideburns (One of the few froms of facial hair I was always able to tolerate) but I never really stuck with it.
Ever since the dawn of the new year, I found something within myself to convince me to attempt growing a soulpatch. It could be the metal influence (about 95% of the metal world seems to have some form of facial hair...the men anyways) or maybe the Zappa influence (his soul patch was legendary) but I decided to grow on. About a month in so far and it's looking good....quite dark. I had to shape it up a few times to keep it straight..but I'm actually glad to be sticking to it for once. It definitely gives me a completely different appearance..with my glasses and my assorted hats I look like a liberal arts student.
Also growing the sideburns again too..which are way darker than anything else..almost at mutton chop status. The girlfriend digs the facial hair and so does anyone that has known me before and sees the immediate change. I've definitely come a long way these past few years when it comes to changes..might as well change the look too.
Eddy_tushyface has been put to rest..for now. When the time comes to shave it off (if that day ever does come) it'll be difficult....stuff hurts.
Until next time,
UP THE IRONS!
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26Jan 13
Hello once again, dear blog....
As ominous as the title of this blog entry seems, it was the most effective way to describe where I have been in life...well...where I have been in life MUSICALLY. My music taste has always evolved over the years, some of the genres I loved yesterday I still love today...others, left behind in the dust of my embarrassing indulgence (was a huge fan of motley crue once upon a time). I'm always evolving when it comes to my taste in metal, which is of course my favorite form of music and the essential type of music I like to create.
When I was fourteen I had an obsession with power metal, when I was eighteen it evolved into death metal...a couple of years ago it was doom but now it has changed for the darker. I still love all of those metal subgenres I listed (among many, many others) but my main focus for the past.......eight months I believe? Has been.....
BLACK METAL!!!!
Yes black metal, one of the most controversiala nd extreme of metal sub-genres. Everything from Dark Funeral, to Bathory, to Gorgoroth, to Watain, to Immortal and beyond have been bumping in my earbuds these past months. I'm honestly not sure what sparked my sudden interest in black metal..there was a time where I thought it was repetitive and silly...dressing up in corpse paint and screaming about satan while constantly tremolo picking. But as I got older I began to really appreciate it as an art form. What really draws me to black metal is the atmosphere...that it can draw the listener into a realm of bleakness and fantasy. Some black metal bands have a satanic agenda, others focus on nature, some focus on vikings or paganism, the concepts behind it definitely vary.
Not only has black metal become my main focus musically, it has become my favorite sub-genre of metal. I admire some of the musicianship because it's simple..yet it's not. It sounds like nothing else....taking influence from punk and heavy metal and creating a foreboding atmosphere...sometimes a cacophony of mutilated guitar chords. It takes a lot to be heavy in lback metal..and I admire the bands that use E and Eb (LOOOOVE Eb) standard to create heavy, memorable riffs. Plus I identify with some depressive black metal bands' lyrics...not that I;m a mopey emo kid who wants to kill himself but I have been battling with depression for decades...sometimes it can just suck the life out of you.
However, I would like to make one thing clear. A lot of listeners/musicians of black metal find a left hand path form of spiritual practice..occultists and satanists of the like. I am not a satanist by any means. I have indeed looked into occultism and the writings of Anton LeVay and it just isn't for me. I have no problem with legitimate satanists or occultists...people that truly believe those philosophies and understand them...but they aren't for me. I don't know where I belong spiritually..so I prefer to stay an agnostic, accepting the possibility in something being beyond this world.
BUT, I digress. I have been an obsessed black metal fanboy and have been loving it. So much so that I write a lot of it with my band, Ashen Frost. Once we get more songs recorded I shall post them here...so far only one has been uploaded but 5 have been written..so we're making good progress. Forgot how fun/relieving it is to be in a band.
Until next time everyone,
UP THE IRONS!
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25Jan 13
Amazing to look at how much time flies by since my last blog...and to think I've been on this site for almost NINE YEARS....wow.
Since my last entry a lot has changed of course. Made new friends, lost others. Got involved with a new band (which is still growing strong, even got a lot of material recorded), and so many other things. Really want to make blogging a regular habit haha..but I do and then I always get sidetracked and just gotget about it.
Going to definitely play the catch up game though. Hope you're all doing well. Expect more entires from me in the future.
UP THE IRONS!
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26May 12
Is that finding musicians for jazz fusion is WAY easier than finding musicians for progressive black metal
I've been playing with Vinterfell (progressive black metal band I started with my drummer friend Nik) for a couple of months now and it has been going well..we haven't been able to get together in a little while due to lack of funds for gas, conflicting schedules, etc but we still manage to keep things going. So far it is just myself, Nik and our vocalist Stan (who wants me to try and teach him bass, which I can but it'll take a lot of hard work on his part). We've been looking for another guitarist and possible bassist (in case stan changes his mind) for quite some time now. I posted the ad on craigslist for a guitarist and only one person responded..this personw orked with Nik in the past and had a falling out..so THAT wasn't going to work. I also tried looking around for bass players and nothing. Nik might have a lead on a rhythm guitarist but who knows what'll happen with that.
Earlier in the week I made an ad about wanting to form a jazz fusion group locally. Along with guitar I also play bass and keyboard quite extensively and I'd like a non metal project so sink my teeth into (basically tickle my musical fancy at all angles) and in not even 24 hours two people respond to my ad...have to call one of them, waiting for a reply from the other. Once I'm done with all of these plays (which will be in july) I will be able to give all of my time to both of these bands (depending they both work out of course) and my girlfriend.
But yeah, jazz fusion musicians are easy to find..WHO KNEW???
UP THE IRONS!
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22May 12
Why yes, yes I believe that I can....
The blog title is in reference to most recent events..events that require me teaching my guitar skills to aspiring young musicians. Anybody who follows me on facebook is well aware that my profession (until of course I get my degree) is listed as "Private Guitar Teacher". Why you might ask? Simple, because I want to be a guitar teacher and I am always willing to teach those eager to learn. Business hasn't exactly been booming...actually, there hasn't been business much at all. Even so, I would go about my daily business hoping to find someone of interest.
Then when I met up with my father last week, I brought over my 8 string Schecter. My dad has been a musician for a good portion of his life (on the side of course, his actual job is being a postal worker) and every tme I've gottent he chance to see him he has asked me to bring my guitar or to tune his (he still plays guitar on occasion but his main instrument these days is the tenor sax). And I am always happy to do this because I love being able to have my family around as I crank out some crazy chords/riffs/whatever.
My dad remarried about 12 years ago. His current wife (who I cannot stand because she cannot stand me..but that is a different story altogether) has 2 sons, one of which is aspiring to be a guitarist...but not just any guitarist..a METAL *gasp* guitarist! Metal music, being the main genre I play is something I know a lot about guitarwise..so I plugged in my 8 string and both of them watched in awe as I ran through aeolian and bebop scales with lightning speed and went through some original riffs (both clean and distorted) I have been working on. my dad asked if I could show him some good practice exercises and I did (Grieg's "In the hall of the mountain king" for example, is something I alwyas use to warm up) and both of them were just impressed.
After talking with my dad awhile about gabor szabo, tony williams and jazz fusion in general (another genre I love to listen to/play) he asked me if I'd be willing to teach Shamar (the son in question) some guitar techniques and I told him once my schedule clears up (rehearsals coming to an end, etc) I would gladly do so. He also informed me that my uncle David's son Elijah is looking for a teacher. So if I hear from my uncle (who I haven't heard from in quite some time) that will be ANOTHER student to learn from me.
Whether I make money or not isn't important (though it would be nice if I did because I am always strapped for cash) because I just love teaching people about music. I have had friends claim to be serious about it but then they bailed when I showed them how serious I take my playing and just how difficult it is. Shamar has a lot of bad habits (but I cut him a break since he is only 14) but I think once I sit down and show himw hat I know he will evolve into a serious guitarist.
My dreams of being a music educator may be shot but hey, if I can still spread my love for playing and music in general to SOMEONE...I'm happy
UP THE IRONS!
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9May 12
This past evening was both good and bad....
Bad for a variety of reasons, one of the biggest being my severe lack of sleep. I have always had a difficult time staying asleep (getting to sleep is the easy part since I'm tired quite often lol) but last night was exceptionally bad. Got in another petty argument with my girlfriend over things that now seem insignificant. Plus yesterday was a bad day on multiple levels..kept to myself through most of it to just spend some time reflecting. Made some art which always helps pass the time and of course, listened to music to help me deal with my stressers in everyday life. I think all of my stress and the falling out with my ladyfriend caused my lack of sleep.
I've been awake roughly since 2:00 AM. As hard as I tried I just could not sleep. Once my mind was awake it was racing as if it were a criminal on the run. Tried watching television..nothing noteworthy on. Wnted to read but was not in the mood to have my eyes throbbing from the pain of the fluorescent lightbulb so early. Wanted to perhaps eat but that is just asking for horrible indigestion since it was so early. Wanted to just sit and think but that's usually bad.
So I did something that (for my atleast) doesnt require eating, light or using anything other than my hear and touch....I picked up the guitar and just started playing.
When something goes wrong in my life, I have very peculiar ways of dealing with it...as most people do since sooner or later we all experience sadness in one form or another and have our own ways of dealing with it...and it's always been music for me. As I'm playing glorious notes in E flat tuning, I reflect back on a lot of my influences in music and how so many of them wrote songs/albums in distress. Billy Corgan for example, wrote the bulk of siamese dream when he had a nervous breakdown and adore when his mother passed away. Beck wrote sea change when losing a girlfriend he had for years..jason martin of starflyer 59 wrote the gold album while, much like billy, experiencing a nervous breakdown. The cure, The Smiths, depeche mode, shoot even metal bands I adore, wrote brilliant albums while under a deep spell of depression.
It dawned on me that I should do the same.
Though my life isn't ALL bad right now (trust me I'm not that mopey lol) there are things that stress me out to no end and that stress melts into sadness. And when I am sad I am able to write beautiful music/poetry and so on..a much healthier alternative than letting it fester into something unbearable. Between the hours of 3 to 7 I would say I wrote about 4 songs...none of them named, no lyrics finalized. The music wasn't forced, it all kind of happened naturally...i just held the guitar, closed my eyes and created really depressing music...very 90's alternative inspired. Would it ever be performed, I don't know. Would I ever try recoding it, I'd like to. It'll be my own personal siamese dream, intense and ebautiful and ultimately sad...something I can be proud of.
My music is my art and if I choose to keep pursuing this concept/whatever the heck you want to call it, it'll be something I can look back on and smile.
Beautiful things can definitely come from sadness.
UP THE IRONS!
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29Apr 12
Anybody that knows me, knows how much I LOVE the smashing pumpkins. Everything they did from their late 80's post-punk period to their early-mid 90's heavy alternative/shoegaze inspired greatness, even their late 90's/early 00's electronica period (with the exception of machina II of course) I enjoyed a bit. Then the band split up and though it was upsetting, I felt it was better that they go out with a good streak of albums then fade away with a barrage of bad ones. Then they reform and come back with "Zeitgeist" which though eventually grew me on me I felt like it was lacking the magic of the old material. The Smashing Pumpkins progressed with every album and I loved the direction they were going in before the split up (Yes, I'm one of the few people who loved adore and machina...in fact, adore is my favorite pumpkins album. Siamese dream of course being the close second) but I dunno...on Zeitgeist they felt like a different band to me..which would make sense since frontman/guitarist Billy Corgan is the only original left.
I saw on blabbermouth and their facebook page that the cover art and track listing for the new album "Oceania" was revealed...I actually love the album cover....in case you havent seen it
I also saw on the same blabbermouth article that there were live recordings of songs from the album..some of them I thought werent so bad but others..I just couldn't get into. The Smashing Pumpkins have definitely evolved from their old days but are going in a direction I can't quite describe. I'm hoping I'll be wrong and that the album will be great. I want to love their new stuff as much as the old. It might be the case like with their "Teargarden by Kaleidiscope" collection of songs..some were great and others were just....no.
I think what I miss more about the smashing pumpkins was the gothic/depressing feel of the albums..billy corgan in my opinion was a great lyricist and when he wrote darker/depressing lyrics it appealed to me...but some of the lyrics for the TBK songs were a bit upbeat and happy...which isnt bad but it just didnt fit the pumpkins mold. Regardless of if this album is bad or not i'll continue to support them. I grew up witht he smashing pumpkins, learned a lot of guitar techniques from the smashing pumpkins, identified with lyrics of the smashing pumpkins, etc. Besides even if this is bad..there will always be the amazing reissues of the old albums to support..and live shows.
Here's to hoping it'll be good (fun fact, I loved the mellower songs fromt he oceania samples..that'll probably be what saves it for me)
UP THE IRONS!
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27Apr 12
And we move on...once again
Been an interesting adventure in music land since I last made frequent blogs...mainly in terms of bands I've been playing in and the drama that came with it...not so much the aspect of listening to music (though I have been listening to a lot of new bands since then).
I talked only briefly about the band vault 101 that I was in (yes that is a fallout reference). Will, formerly of requeim for oblivion and myself had the idea to form it and he knew a drummer who happened to know another guitarist. So it all came together and in no time we had a band..we were writing a bunch of material and for awhile it went well...I mean the other guitarist richard would slack a little when it came to learning material he didn't write and he'd take pretty lengthy smoke breaks but other than that it was pretty good. But when november came and went we were practicing less and less and I waasnt sure why. Then novembers turns into december and december turns into the new year...STILL nothing. Will acts really weird about the whole thing when I ask him what's going on..the band was apparently done and I was the last to hear about it.
Not only that but it turns out that the three of them all found another guitar player and the band was now called thundergun express. When I took this pretty personally, which I did because well...they all continued to play together and dropped me without telling me, Will claimed I was putting too much into it and it was a "situational" kind of thing..what this meant or still means I don't know but I took it as a polite way of him telling me i got screwed over. Will claimed his alleigance was with me and if I formed another band he'd drop them for mine..but he's a liar. He still posts on his facebook page about how awesome that band is and all the shows they are getting. He didn't care that I was left in the dust.
BUT IT GETS BETTER
When I jammed with vault 101 I had a crate speaker and a flying V there. The guitar was supposed to be fixed by richard but that never happened and the speaker was there just so I didn't have to keep hauling it. When the band ended I kept asking Will when I could pick up my stuff...he would give me constant excuses. He wasn't at home so I could get it or it was a bad time, one excuse after another. After about 3 weeks worth of excuses (PLENTY of patience on my part) my mother drove me down to their house (Will was living with the drummer at this point) at about...8 in the morning and demanded my stuff back. I was nice and gave him warning that I was on my way down and his repsonse "How can you get your stuff when I'm not there?" I found that to be a very murky response..and I told him outright that I didn't like being dodged and I wanted my stuff back. He responded, saying I was being delusional and he didn't know what I was talking about, all that good stuff.
I police knocked the door and the drummer answered and lead me to the basement where my stuff was supposed to be...it wasn't there. He claims he knew nothing about it but I think he did...so I went home and basically waited. I sent will text after text asking where my stuff was and I got no response..which meant my stuff was with him...I didn't get a response until about 4:00 in the afternoon of him telling me that he sold my equipment for drug money...what drugs he was into I don't know but that's the story I got...needless to say, I was nothing short of furious.
Most people in my case would've called the police right away, others would've went after him. Me, I waited until I calmed down..I took the rational path and looking back I glad I did. The next morning (yeah, I let him sit in silence and that got to him big time) I told him that he had 2 and a half weeks to either get my equipment back or give me the money I paid for both items ($600 total). Two and a half weeks came and went, he did nothing to mend it. He made up constant excuses about being broke or whatever, not realizing that I saw what he'd post on facebook...so needless to say I was angry and I threatened to take him to court which I was going to do. But he made sure I'd get paid back...first he claimed he'd pay me back with his tax return but, as usual, that didn't pan out. So how is he going about doing this? Paying me 40 a week until I get paid back in full...which is a slow process but atleast I'm getting the money for it.
He sold the equipment at the music store where I bought it..they checked the serial numbers and sure enough I was on file for buying it. One of the guys working there knew him and was simply astounded that he'd do that to someone...but will has never really been that good of a friend to me and this just proved it. He doesnt grasp the seriousness of the situation he created..he doesnt understand why it is that Im so mad because he apologized...it'll take more than apology to make things right. He is still in the process of paying me back..and has made 4 excuses as to why he couldnt so far..actually it might be up to 5 since he gave me one this week too..and I'm tired of playing into it. I don't really want to take him to court but I feel like he is leaving me no other choice if he refuses to pay me the rest of the money he owes me back.
Worse thing is, when I get mad when he has an excuse he acts like I have no right to be. "Oh well I paid you this and this much, I wont back at now, I hope you know you can trust me, I paid yout his and this much". I look a lot into his words when he says things like that because it's murky to me....no idea if I'll be his friend after he pays me back..still very hurt by all of this. But the past is the past...
Ended up going on craigslist to look for other bands to join up with...responded to two ads. The first was for a progressive/djent project with this really cool dude Mike. It was going good for awhile, we recorded a bit and were having fun...and then we found a guitarist and a bassist. The bassist was cool but the other guitarist and I clashed musically to the point I wasn't enjoying it..so I respectfully declined being a part of the band but I wished them all the best.
The other ad was for a progressive black metal band, which I am still a part of. The drummer Nik is another awesome guy and the vocalist Stan is even better. They both think I'm a fantastic musician and I think the same of them..only have a few songs written so far but they are epic, very enslaved-esque. The name of the band is Winterfell (yup, game of throens reference) and we're hoping to be able to play shows by the end of the year. Still looking for a rhythm guitarist though (teaching Stan bass during the week so he can play and sing). Nik knew somebody from the RFO days who still hates me but hey....it was bound to happen, what's done is done. I'm just happy that I'm in a band with people I can hang out with and at the same time make great music with.
It's been quite the musical journey these past few months lol
UP THE IRONS!
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24Apr 12
And we press further on!
Since I last blogged I have actually done a great number of theatre productions..or rather got involved in a great number. The first of which was melancholy heights, which I had a rather small role in. Melancholy heights was a parody on soap operas from the 70's and 80's and I played the host of the "taping" along with a few other little roles liek fake commercials and all that..I even played the replacement character for one of the leads....honestly, the script was horrible and full of pointless innuendos but I still did it and I was glad to be a part of another show. That one was signifficant because it was the last show for United we stand theatre troupe, a group I worked with for a few years. The creator is now fully involved with team national..something I am personally not too nuts about.
That show wasn't a pleasant experience because the director didn't treat me with the respect I deserved...but I have to be on good terms with him since I'll be doing a show with him this june haha...but he'll be an actor this time and not a director. But after MH wrapped up I had a break for a few months. In January a local group called all ana ct held auditions for their entire season..which consists of about 7 shows. Thing is, you have to fill out a sheet with all the shows you'd like to be a part of with the parts you desire, perform a 1-2 minute monologue and hope for the best...I actually did quite well with my monologue. I chose one I found on the internet about santa claus pleading for his wife to return to him. I even wore a little santa hat haha...did rather well. I managed to get case into 4 shows (inside charlie's head, rumors, two into one and the mousetrap).
The mousetrap was actually unexpected...got that call at the last possible minute since an actor for a major character dropped and they needed a replacement..so the director immediately thought of me. That was the first show of their season and it ran for 12 shows (4 weekends, firdays through sundays). I played the character of christopher wren, a ver mysterious and neurotic individual..VERY flamboyant a lot of the time..and I pulled it off quite well. I impressed the director and all of my fellow actors. One had an issue with me but that didn't really matter haha.
One show we actually had to cancel due to something on my part...We did the green room and right when we were about to go on I lost the feeling in my lower abdomen and downward...I was going to wait and see if it got any better but it didn't. I thought it was my blood sugar at first so I ate a bunch of sugary stuff but it made no difference. It got to the point where I was going to collapse if I even tried to stand so they show was cancelled and I was rushed to the hospital. Thankfully the cast and director understood..turned out I had a massive panic attack. Not sure exactly what caused it. But at about 12:30 AM I could move again..but only slowly. They injected me full of anti-anxiety stuff and it made me really loopy..apparently I kept trying to take out my IV and talked about how rude it'd be to fart in a hospital
And then the sunday of the very alst show, a bomb threat was called into the building we were doing the show in (which is also a shelter). So we all had to clear out and see what was going to happen..it was a bit strange and scary all at the same time. Turned out to be a prank call so we went back into the building and did the show..only about an hour later. All-in all a good run.
I have started rehearsing for the next show, inside charlie's head. in this one I play a mysterious old man who is kind of perverted and pretty funny. Small part but I don't mind that at all. I also was asked to be a part of a show for a local theatre troupe called theatre on the move. This is run by a fellow mousetrap actor who loved my performance..her show is three shrot O'henry stories all in one play...I have a variety of roles in that one, from a watch fob, to a quirky professor/charlie chaplin-esque man, to a bumbling robber, etc. Honestly that show is a lot of fun to do....but I'm rehearsing for two shows at once..so it really wipes me out haha. But I love theatre so it is a small price to pay.
I was asked to join with a theatre troop that's starting up called dormant phoenix. It was going good for awhile but my input was not valued, nor was I in that group so I respectfully resigned. I wisht hem all the best..I just don't really want to work with them at this point and time. Plus one of their core members attempted hitting on me/stalking me but that is a different story.
But yes! Plenty more theatre in the future of cousin_eddy..maybe someday it'll get me somewhere. Even if it never did I'd still continue to do it.
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23Apr 12
Moving right along....hahaha...the next blog involves, well, my love life.
Ironically enough, the last blog I made before my long departure had to do with my ex Kelsie...and even after all these months, when I lie in bed at night or go to spots we once frequented...I do not miss her, not even slightly. Normally I wouldn't have such scorn for one of my ex's (believe me I have tried to get along with all of them at one point and basically that only worked with one) but pretty recently she tried getting in contact with me again..and I wondered why since everything she said was rather harsh. She claimed she wanted to apologize for everything she said and I was willing to accept..but it turned out she was bored and just wanted to screw with my head again. So I am permanently done with her and her childish schemes.
Shortly after everything with her happened I rekindled things with another ex of mine (and a fellow Gamespot user) Lulu. And honestly, it went great for awhile but around October my doubt settled in...it was a long distance relationship and with my financial situation (which hasn't really changed all that much) I figured it wouldn't work out. Loneliness was settling in worse than it ever did, lots of things were going on. I decided to end things with her late October. I like to think it was for the best but at times I do miss that relationship (but I guess that's common with the end of any relationship that doesn't result in violence or the burning of possessions) but in the end I think it was for the best..I just wish I would've done it differently since I was a bit of a jerk about it. But she is still a near and dear friend of mine and that is something I hope will always remain.
These days I am in another relationship with someone local. Back when I was doing this show melancholy heights, my good friend Sharon promised she'd come along. She came through and brought with her two friends, Matt and Madi. After the show concluded, I met up with her and she gave me flowers. Matt didn't say much and nor did Madi but we all still had a good time.
Now one would assume that Sharon would be the one I hooked up with....
Well you assumed wrong, shame on you
A few days afterward I got a facebook friend request from Madi and I of course accepted. Her and I became good friends rather quickly. At the time I was still with Lulu so I didn't even think about her in any other way. But I had a great friend and I was content. After things with Lulu and I ended I was an absolute mess for awhile but had a good way of hiding it. Lately I've had pretty interesting ways of disguising my emotions but they have become necessary. But in time, the more I talked with Madi the more I realized I had feelings for her...and eventually got the courage up to let her know. She felt the same and we have been together ever since. It's been a relationship with plenty of ups and downs but she makes me very happy and that's all that matters, right?
What it all boils down to is, I can no longer imagine a life without Madi. Her and I have been through too much in this relationship, both good and bad..but it remains special to me, no matter what I hope to always have her in my life.
Okay enough fruitiness from me
UP THE IRONS!! -
22Apr 12
Okay...since this is apparently working for me again I'm going to try and finally start blogging normally like i once did.
Well now it's been awhile hasn't it, gamespot? It's been since july of 11 to be exact! Many months of not being able to blog due to a mysterious glitch that would erase everything I wrote. But the metaphorical curse seems to have been lifted, so here I am once again...it'd take quite a long time to blog about everything that has gone on from the last time I blogged until now....so I shall do it in segments (hence the title, catching up with cousin_eddy part one)
The first part shall focus on education! I had a $1,2000 debt from my previous attended university that needed to get paid off if I ever wanted to transfer. It was a very long and very slow process but as of February of this year I have paid them back. I also took the time to re-apply to Gannon university (I applied last year but the debt prevented me. Apparently my application was still on file but they never told me). As of a few weeks ago I got an acceptance letter to the university and I also got accepted into my program of choice. Just all a matter of playing the waiting game at this point.
I should probably point out that the program I chose to make as my major is mortuary science.
I've gotten a lot of various responses when I told people that. Some good, some bad, some....interesting. It's a pretty drastic change going from being a undeclared student at one university, contemplating a BA in theatre arts or music education, to choosing to transfer and become a mortuary science major, that would lead to working with the dead extensively. If this will be my final career choice I don't know but..it's something I think I'd be happy doing.
It was a long journey reaching this decision. I actually considered going to a local trade school to study massage therapy...it would've been an 18 month program and apparently they help you find employment right after you graduate. But that turned into a big fight with my family which got rather ugly..but in the end I'm glad it panned out that way because it truly helped me find what I wanted to do with life.
Basically how the program works, I will spend three years at Gannon university and then for my fourth year I will transfer to the Pittsburgh school of Mortuary Science where I will learn all about preparing bodies, embalming them, makeup techniques, etc. Everything I learn at Gannon wll revolve around the business and speech aspects of it..some classes involving the study of old people, the death process, etc. It sounds very gruesome to some...but oh so interesting to me.
I have a lot of different shades to my personality but I have always found the macabre side of life rather fascinating...and this is something i feel like I could handle, stomach and absorb emotionally. I have unfortunately dealt with death in my life and have some tools for coping with it. I am hoping i'll be able to help others with that since it would be my job. Plus my fascination with post-mortem photography and the use of now debunked surgery tools will help me deal with the various corpses I'd run into. The world needs doctors, lawyers, teachers and...definitely morticians. I am going to actually meet with local morticians within the next month and learn more about the trade.
I can say this pretty soundly, I have never been more excited for higher education. I'm sure the time will fly by when I can re-attend..and hopefully in a few eyars I'll have that BA in mortuary science...kind of makes sense that I chose this as my study really, with my love for brutal music, film, videogames and art haha.
Until next time.
UP THE IRONS!!! -
22Apr 12
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15Jul 11
Because when the one you felt broken hearted over destroys your emotions, you do not miss them with any fiber of your being.
So, remember that ex girlfriend I recently blogged about? The one that faught with me a lot and said some nasty things from time to time? Well a short while ago (about a week and a half or so ago I believe) things went down that have pretty much concluded my overall contact with her.
Where do I start.....oh yes! Her brother's birthday!
After she and I broke up I originally planned to stay her friend. She decides however that she didn't want that. I accepted it and went on my way. However, I had no problem with any of her friends or family and would not hold it against them because I split with their beloved relative or friend or whatever the relation. I never planned to be their best pal or anything but I atleast wanted to hold a mutual friendship. This was apparently unacceptable in her eyes. Her brothers birthday was a little while ago (I got a facebook notification). So I figured I would do the nice thing and wish him a happy birthday and I did. A few hours went by and I get a text message from kelsie, saying that I need to "stay the F away from ehr family" (she dropped the F bomb an incredible amount of times in the text). She proceeded to insult me and say that because we're not dating I have no right to talk to her family, etc. I told her that all I did was wish him a happy birthday, she needs to calm down.
This makes her, for lack of a better term, mad. She goes off saying that I need to remove him, that Im a piece of garbage, etc. I told her flat out that if her brother wants to remove me and no longer be my friend, that is his choice but I wont myself. I am not going to let her once again make an attempt at controlling my life and who I can talk to. A little bit goes by and she sends all of these texts saying that I was the worst mistake she ever made, how stupid I am, how pathetic I am, how I deserve to be alone. How she feels bad that all of my kids will be blind just like me. She called me blind about seven or eight times. I held onto every single one of these texts (not sure why exactly maybe to never forget how she can be incase I decided to go back....well, contemplated to go back). She flung a lot of insults my way, one of the worst being that she understands why my ex samantha cheated on me and how she should've done the same. I did insult her back a bit (not going to lie) but I didnt go to a personal level with her like she did with me. I also didn't appreciate her insulting my current girlfriend (who has been my best friend for over two years) because she did not do anything.
Her words hurt me immensely and her dropping the blind card even once upset me but her continuing to use it showed her immaturity. Four days went by and I heard nothing. She then apologized for what she said....yes because her attacking me on a personal level and saying the most rotten things you can think of, saying sorry is really going to mend it. Im a very forgiving person but not in this case. She knew the impact of her words and didn't care. Besides, when we dated she said a lot of hurtful things and never understood why I would get upset and thought that saying sorry would make it all better.....her apologies were never sincere with me and I know that one wasn't. One moment she can be the sweetest girl you could meet and the next completely psychotic.
That day she blew everything out of proportion. She hates me for reasons that she blew out of proportion. But it is done now, her words did their damage but I am getting back into counselling so hopefully that will help.
So it is safe to say I am no longer missing her...not after what was said. The text messages are almost uneblievable...but I have them on my phone...mindblowing stuff, that's all I can say.
Love sucks.
UP THE IRONS!
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14Jul 11
And yes he works for little income!
Got a pretty nice surprise from my sister yesterday. Way back in january my beloved dan eelctro chorus pedal died....for a cheap chorus it lasted a good few years but it suffered a few stomps too many. I had to find a way to replace it but was short on cash..so my sister offered to buy me one when she had the money. A lot of things came up btween then and now but she managed to finally have the funds to cover it yesterday. She went to world of music (a local music shop) with her boyfriend yesterday and managed to find the ONLY CHORUS PEDAL THEY HAD THERE. Which was, thankfully, a digitech chorus factory. I originally wanted a digitech multi-chorus but the chorus factory had a ton of good reviews and tone versatility. So she paid for it and dropped it off yesterday. At first I was decieved because the box it was in was for the digitech metal master (a fantastic distortion pedal for those who were wondering) but I open it up and...
Yeaaaah buddy
I was pretty excited to try it out the whole day but had some other things to take care of first. So I plug it in at night and install the battery (thankfully that is easy to do if you have a 1/4 instrument jack). Only problem is..I was getting NO RESPONSE WHATSOEVER. I spent a good half hour switching around my cable order, using both output jacks, changing the battery, etc NOTHING. So I was pretty upset because I figured that $90 was just spent on a useless pedal. So this morning I gave it another try. I installed a new battery (I knew the ones I had were good, the two my sister's boyfriend gave me were questionable) and i noticed a change. This time I got power on the pedal for a good few seconds and then it would cut out. Shortly after it would stop responding.
I was frustrated once again because I figured the pedal had issues. So I mess with the stomp part and it stays on...AND WONT TURN OFF. While it was on I managed to adjust the settings to where i wanted them. I messed with the stomp more and after stomping it with a lot of power it turned off...I noticed that it took a lot to stomp it on and off so ONCE AGAIN I thought there was a problem. I tried one last thing. I took out the battery and readjusted the position of it and then reassembled the pedal...and now it works perfectly. Goes on and off easily and has full power....so I doubt there was anything wrong with it but hey, I managed to fix it
The pedal is great. I love that there are 7 different chorus designs on it and two adjustment settings for each mode...I have gotten some very shoegaze-esque tones out of it but also got csome nice compressed chorus. I am pretty happy with it...now once I get my chinese metal distortion pedal my setup will be great...until of course I can afford a boss ME70
This is the inspiration for the chorus sound that I want...going to mess with this pedal until i get it.
Yup, another music blog..I need to write about other things
take care until next time.UP THE IRONS!
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10Jul 11
...and shouted hoarsely once they hit daylight if they could have more gain on their amplifiers....
It is official, I have another metal band going again. After the decline of requiem for oblivion (the frontman/creator/whatever would tell you that the project is still alive and well but there are no replacement musicians, nobody visiting the facebook page and nobody even auditioning so it is dead) I wondered when something would fall on my lap metalwise. During the down time I spent a lot of hours practicing on the 8 string and getting used to the additional low end. During that time I got acquainted with C# standard tuning and grew to like it. It was low but not too low but it also allowed some dark, cryptic riffs to come from the guitar. Will (former RFO bass player) and I talked for awhile about doing a new band eventually. We remaiend great friends after the split of RFO because we both knew that the overall environment wasn't very enjoyable and it wasn't a band anymore. In fact, Will is one of the closest friends I have locally so it was nice that he planned to stick by me when it came to forming another band.
We talked with his friend Kenny (who is a well known and very very VERY talented drummer around Erie) and we set it up so we could all get together and jam. I planned on putting together some material for us to improvise on but it just never happened. The first jam was ENTIRELY improvised but it worked well. One thing I immediately noticed was Kenny's natural ability to know what I wanted to do with a song without me really coming out and saying it. He also played perfectly with whatever sriff I was writing. And I can never compliment Will enough, he has a pretty neat ability of picking out notes no matter how low they are and writingintense basslines under them. We all worked well together and all of the natural chemistry was definitely made aware.
Kenny knew another guitar player, Richard (who used to play in one of his old bands) so he called him up to jam with us. The four of us together made it even better, Richard was more of a lead player and he was rather skilled at it. Our styles are different but not so different that they are incompatible. The four of us together made for one interesting sound and after a few more jam sessions the band became official. Kenny originally wanted to include a well known metal singer around here (I was the only one who didn't know him) named mIcah but his work schedule became a problem so Wlll and I decided to share vocal duties since we both have experience in the field. It will be difficult sure but nothignt hat practice cannot polish.
Now we needed a name. We came up with quite a few from infected insanity, to iron jesus (
) to mangled uprising..but decided on the name Vault 101 (yes it is a fallout reference). It just fit perfectly and we were all obsessed with the series so it worked out. I figured that Erie has a lot of gamers who like metal so when we start playing shows and they see the name they'll come running . Our style is really an anything goes style....we've already treaded in the realms of progressive rock, black metal, stoner and sludge...so it is definitely interesting. Plus we all have very eclectic influences from jazz, to goth, to metal giants and so on...so this should be interesting.So far only 2 songs are done but they are pretty fantastic. I am hoping to get them recorded in some format so I can post them here. I am also in the progress of perfecting my singing voice (both cleans and gutterals) and designing a logo..I have a lot of amibitions for this project and hope to see them through. It is nice to start a band with other guys who are great to hang around with as well as great musicians..it is also nice to be one of the people to start it so I help with all of the songwriting rather then it being a "I wrote these songs now you have to play them and not add thigns to them" sort of deal like RFO was. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed my time with that band but it ended so badly that I don't look on it with much happiness at the moment.
I also might be playing bass for a local cover band but that isn't looking too promising at the moment.
Until next time,
UP THE IRONS!
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18Jun 11
It was a vicious little cycle for awhile!
Sometime in may (I beleive it was the 13th) I managed to hook up with a girl I have had a crush on for about five years. We became close friends many weeks prior to this and I guess it just naturally built up into osmething more than that. And for awhile we were happy, we did a lot of things from going to the zoo, to spending a lot of time with her family, going to see a movie, things like that. I made her smile a lot, she made me smile a lot, times were good.
Then we break up over something stupid and I'm left devastated. We weren't even dating a month but this one hit me like a ton of bricks because....
A. I had a crush on her for five years now
B. I put a lot into the relationship and liked her a lot
and
C. She made me believe a lot of things I normally don't (that she'd always be there that she'd do anything for me, etc. I believed all of these things because she was victim of similar heartache)
We did indeed fight and it was always over stupid little things. We got in a fullblown fight once because I don't like the band Genesis and she does. It was always these little fights that blew up to me way more than what they were worth. We are both sufferers of bipolar disroder and therefor both had our bad days...when I have my bad days I am usually quiet and gloomy but her bad days manifest into anger (cant tell you the amount of times she told me to "**** off" whenshe had a bad day). And on these days things would be said on both ends that would really hurt (Im not trying to play the innocent card herebut I have no idea what I said that hurt her as bad as she claimed. I am saying this because I obviously I did hurt her Im just not sure how yet. I never cussed her out or insulted her while we were together...atleast, not that I know of). Andlast week it got so bad that I had to avoid her for a day (she flipped at me because I don't like sunny weather like she does, stupid right?) and then she broke up with me.
She immediately regretted the decision and wanted us to start over but I dodged her on it. It would be a mistake togo back because it would just be history repeating itself. We technically broke up shortly before but managed to work through it.We were both hurt a lotthat time as well. But things were taken too far, I know that if I went back I'd just be facing much more mental abuse so it's best it happened this way...but still, I liked her a lot so when she broke up with me a week ago yesterday...it hurt and still does. That combined with other things in my life made this week pretty hard to get through. I felt like not ever getting out of bed but I managed to.
I know that there will be other fish in the sea this does not worry me in the slightest...it's just losing someone I cared about so much is what hurts. But in a lot of ways we would've never worked, she drinks and smokes (two things I never do) goes out way more often than I, etc. I need to find someone im more compatible with and will be truly accepting of my faults (Ill spare posting those stories in this blog because even though I'm not using her name, it's still giving everyone here a worse view of her). I know I can do better..and i hope I can atleastssalvage some sort of friendship between the two of us but it is doubtful.
Getting over this hump will be tough....but isn't it always in the game of love?
UP THE IRONS!
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29May 11
Finally writing this like I planned haha.
As I said in the previous blog it took us about a month to film the entire movie. And since I had one of the lead roles I spent a lot of time on set. Due to work schedules it was a little difficult finding good times to film but we managed tog et it done. I was on set at night a lot of the time, sometimes for little half hour shots tog et other times for shots that took a few hours to complete. The very first night we filmed the opening scene (ironically the night was cold and foggy) and then went upstairs into one of the directors attics to film a creepy dream sequence. There were a bunch of close-up shots of my face overwhelmed with fear...it went well.
Filming the bachelor party was a lot of fun as well. A lot of lame humor was improvised but a lot of it was actually quite funny. One guy accidentally spilled beer on me though (he was supposed to provoke me with alchohol in his hand but spilling it on me was a total accident) but other than that it went great. Took us a LONG TIME to get that done because we had to wait for the sky to get dark. Met soem familiar faces that day who happened to be extras, one of them being a drummer for a band I used to play shows with. Also had to get shots of sneaking out of the house to spu on my fiance.
I had to be there for the bachelorette party too because I sneak into that party. The male stripper that was hired was actrually a pretty nice guy and we BS'd a lot. Most of the people were rather nice but some were a big snobby. It was freezing that night and I couldnt wear a jacket so I had to stand in a door way for a good half hour..not fun but that's the price you pay for stardom
The decorations for that party were....well....what do you expect but it was still hilarious. I just didnt care for the girl who played my fiance drinking extensively but hey, it's a bachelorette party.Another fun night was filming with the stripper for my party
my character was suppsoed to freak out and pretty much not enjoy it at all..but the girl who played her went to the same university I did and turned out to be extremely nice so we palled around the entire night after the filming...and her friend, who found her melissa, was also very nice and somebody I still talk to quite often. The stripper was freezing due to not wearing much clothes and had to wear a blanket when not filming. Other than that and her boa bleeding out it was another fun night of filming.Filming in front of a green screen was pretty cool. I cannot drive for obvious reasons so they placed me in a car and put the green screen up. I had to drive angry which I managed to pull off and when the film goes into editting they'll put in the background. It felt weird gunnin' it on a still car but it was fun
The makeup scenes were tons of fun. They were a long process (the ending makeup I have took about 2 hours to get on) and a pain to remove but worth it. One of the directors who also happens to do makeup did an excellant job..I was impressed with the detail that went into it. I have three different gore makeups in the movie so I had to get this done a lot. I cant really spoil anything but if you guys ever see the movie it will make sense. TYhe ending makeup is what I am most excited to see because it just came out so cool.
I cannot SHOW you that makeup but I can show you this.
The veins look a little fake but tstill effective. That is the second to last gore makeup I have in the movie.
I had a lot of experiences with the filming but I covered the bulk of th einteresting ones. Met a lot of cool people and had a lot of fun..cant wait to see the final product and hopefully you guys get a chance to as well!
UP THE IRONS!
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18May 11
I realize it has been a VERY long time sicne I have written a blog..I need to do that more often.
I never even blogged about the movie I was in. It took us about two months to do so but he wrapped it up not too long ago. I had quite a few nights to be on set but it was a lot of fun. I had three different gore makeups, the best one I am not allowed to reveal until more of the film is done. I met a lot of great people which is actually quite nice. Starting the film I knew nobody and upon finishing it I became good friends with most, if not all of the cast. I have a lot of epic stories to tell but I'll save them for another blog. I am mainly writing this one (in case anyone reads my blogs) to ensure that, you know, I'm still alive
Going to write one in the next few days about everything that has happened since I last blogged.Hope you're all doing well.
UP THE IRONS!
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22Feb 11
After being stuck on levek 63 for a VERY LONG TIME I was pleased when I woke up however long ago it was to discover that I moved onto level 64...but it turns out that this level is also going to be long and slow....ugh.
Gamespot in general I have been frustrated with; especially the HTML errors that have been going on in the unions for about a month now....so my post count is frozen and my motivation to keep posting is as well until the problem is fixed
Hmm...so is anything else interesting going on in eddy world...
Temporarily don't have a phone for a variety of reasons. Thankfully I am not one of those people that feel the need to have one at every moment of the day. Don't get me wrong, I love having a phone but I can get along fine without one. I may end up getting a new one in the near future anyhow so it kind of evens out.
I sorted out the debt I owe the university attended so I can pay about $100 a month. It also means that it'll be longer before I can head back to school...I don't really care when I go as long as I go. This will also give me time tog et back into counselling properly and get the tools needed to handle it a lot better this time around. Im just glad Im actually getting it paid off.
Got my schedule for the movie; I believe I am first on set march 5th; so I really need to look through the script and make sure I know all of my lines. Im confident I'll do fine...shame I can't have my sunglasses on but it's alright. I think I'll be able to do my scenes without them if I stay focused.
Back to playing music A LOT again. In the process of learning entire albums...conquered Led Zeppelin's Houses Of the Holy and may work on Radiohead's The Bends next. A bit easy to some but you can never brush up ont he basics too much; especially when it comes to chord choices and songwriting...and Radiohead's songwriting int he 90's was just WOW. Still pretty baffling that a song like "High And Dry" was written with the use of three chords. Proves that you can write a fantastic song without needing to throw in 13th chords or anything like that.
Hope all of my american peeps had a nice presidents day and for all of those who don't celebrate it had a good day as well.
