1.) If there is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.... you're a redneck.

2.)If you consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment... you're a redneck.

3.) if your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ass.... you're a redneck.

4.) If you honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures... you're a redneck... or a pervert.

5.) If you stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by... you're a redneck.

6.) If your family tree doesn't fork.... you're a redneck.

7.) If your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event... you're a redneck.

8.) If you have more than one living relative that is named after a southern civil war general... you're a redneck.

9.) If your home has more miles on it than your car... you're a redneck.

10.) If your brother-in-law is your uncle... you're a redneck.

10. Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.

9. I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.

8. Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.

7. I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.

6. I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday School CIass

5. Forget the denominational minimum salary, let's pay our pastor so he can live like we do.

4. I love it when we sing hymns I've never heard before!

3. Since we're all here, let's start the service early.

2. Pastor, we'd like to send you to this Bible seminar in the Bahamas.

1. Nothing inspires me and strengthens my commitment like our annual stewardship campaign!

10. Conversations often begin with "Put the gun down, and then we can talk".

9. The school principal has your number on speed-dial.

8. The cat is on Valium.

7. People have trouble understanding your kids, because they learned to speak through clenched teeth.

6. You are trying to get your four-year-old to switch to decaffeinated.

5. The number of jobs held down by family members exceeds the number of people in the family.

4. No one has time to wait for microwave TV dinners.

3. "Family meetings" are often mediated by law enforcement officials.

2. You have to check your kid's day-timer to see if he can take out the trash.

1. Maxwell House gives you industrial rates.

Only in America
1.) Only in America... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
2.) Only in America... are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
3.) Only in America... do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
4.) Only in America... do people order double cheese burgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
5.) Only in America... do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
6.) Only in America... do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7.) Only in America... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8.) Only in America... do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
9.) Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10.) Only in America... do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille.

Well some people have been asking for more video blogs from me and I have been trying but GameSpot isn't loading them right for me anymore so I linked this one through youtube and it seems to work fine there so for those that want to see my ugly here you go.

Video Blog

Update: Tuesday May 20, 2008 (11:49 p.m.)

1. double_decker =111,460 (+ 8,603)
2. jakeboudville = 93,652 (+ 191)
3. Phreak64 = 71,357 (+ 0)
4. MoonFoxx = 70,684 (+ 774)
5. ice_radon = 68,651 (+ 79)
   -
6. MaxPower15 = 65,244 (+ 35)
7. robbristow = 65,048 (+ 23)
8. Colt45fool = 64,858 (+ 145)
9. WickedTribe = 62,800 (+ 0)
10. Demon2545 = 60,111 (+ 26)
    -
11. EvilTaru = 57,480 (+ 20)
12. LJS9502_basic= 55,302 (+ 1300)
13. kingdom09 = 54,503 [Banned]
14. Spartan446 = 54,240 (+ 0)
15. CaseyWegner = 54,200 (+ 94)
    -
16. sandlot76 = 53,551 (+ 54)
17. fastesttruck = 52,157 (+ 7,087)
18. The_Zoid = 51,616 (+ 426)
19. stephanime = 49,309 (+ 614)
20. UltraZero = 46,666 (+ 2,183)
21. The-Bulldozer = 46,344 (+ 15)
22. Criminal5 = 45,779 (+ 6)
23. Canuck3000 = 44,719 (+ 211)
24. 2ndWonder = 44,295 (+ 2,765)
25. joshtheboss = 41,541 (+ 0)