All About envomtonix
"And like that, all will change in an instant."
"The greatest sadness I have in life, comes from unobtainable happiness. The foolish dreams I have dreamt, showing off a false illusion. What is real and what is NOT fiction?"
Even though I have decided a while ago that I don't come here anymore or even decided that I would even blog, the world goes on and everyone gets going or the going gets dull. I was the latter and I just felt like there was so much I had to say. Now as I come to the point I have way to end it here, I feel like that's just the way it is. I was never really popular here and all I wanted to do was be somewhat popular but I guess my attitude was too much tor some people to bare (?). So as I end it, no longer anything anymore other than just another name on xbox, I will say that the only time I had fun was with "The RPG Story" and that little compilation story I had going with EHZ.
Anyways. I'm getting off. This time I really am leaving. I just wish that with all the events in my life though, I just wish that the happiest ones could've been the ones full of happiness and not the other way around. I guess that's what happens when you lose your mind and start to slip out of reality. Complete insanity is imminent. Soon the whole world will be cast in the darkness and the 7 signs will appear from Revelations.
While I must say it's been a horribly long time since I've last been on here, I will say there's some things I would like to talk about. BTW, I wonder if GS is dead or is just in hibernation mode. Whatever, I suppose after length of time some sites or domains die out. It might take a while but I would imagine that after 2 years Facebook will make a decline in user connectivity. By the term die out, I mean that the rate of connection will be less significant whereas now it seems like 70 percent of the people that have a page access it daily, perhaps hourly. This tend could wear (ware) out after a period of time and that's where I imagine things will go.
For other news, I am still in school and coincidentally, I will be going to school. With 7 weeks left and I will be done... as in, graduation, I will continue to seek further education and seek a Bachelor's degree in Information Technology. There's just so much that I will need to work on to feel adequate myself. There are so many people out there that know quite a lot of stuff that I haven't even heard of, let alone being well advised in a particular focus. Sure, I might know a little about SQL and trying to learn the importance of being a database administrator (DBA) but I'm just saying there is a lot of knowledge out there. Programming, Servers, Networks, Database, and then there's the whole other idea of realizing how computers work well together- or don't. A lot of stuff, and trying to realize how with computers work and figuring the PC hardware, and still trying to realize why it is that sometimes my great PC constantly closes a program (game). Does it have something to do with not enough allocated RAM? Is is graphics based? Maybe it might be trying to feed my computer Doritos has caused some electrical heartburn. But as I said, there is a hell of a lot of stuff out there that can be learned and should be learned, but with so much one can only wonder where to go and what path to take.
For this portion, I would like to say that complete knowledge is not without relative issues. When I think about issues, I like to think of games for the sake that understanding why something happens or how to fix it has always been my curiosity towards understanding computers. Improper loaded textures, or areas where there's a black region despite there should be load textures there. Or why glitches happen when they do or even figuring out the HOW. What happened, and how do you really break a game? However, when it comes to trying to build a great game I think it would be a job well done to make a game from a broken game. Make a game that's suppose to be broken (might not even function), but if it's turns out that is runs completely wrong it's an instance of understand what is really going on and how do you fix it. Really, when life turns out the way you'd like it and something goes wrong, what is your next step when you step out into the reality that is life? What about when nothing in your life goes the way you'd like it to but you'd like to find a way to make things work out. So I suppose the people that deal better in life (as I guess games) are the ones that know most of the problems and are more aware of related issues. I could be wrong trying to connect gaming and computing with actual life and reality.
With all that said and done, I just felt like it's been a really long time and I've just come back to say I plan on continuing my degree, to the Bachelor's level, and that I plan on learning as most of the software and languages out there that I can cram into my non-adhesive brain. I'll have to read a book maybe 4 times before I start to realize it, so I'm compensating myself by KNOWING when it's hard for me to understand right out of the book, as I am not as sharp or bright as a lot of people. I know I'd like to learn XML, or even what's better; XML or XHTML? As well as ASP.NET and .NET and whatever else I feel like reading about. PEACE WORLD!!!
I don't think that personally, for this time, that I am a great person. While I don't think I'm evil per se, I don't think I am all that great and caring. Whoever said that emotion will come naturally, I don't think I quite understand them. In fact, I feel that by living a certain way you can go your whole life living in a straight line, until the moment something of imbalance breaks you from your stride, then you will feel lost and confused in the surroundings that we common people feel is Life. I felt like I lived in my own little world and then I start to understand things, sick things, disgusting things. I learned where babies come from for starters, then I learnt the hard way that girls are different from boys, at a very young age. The curiosity broke my concentration and I found that my world was turning grey and odd. The gravitational force is inevitable, and the more we cling onto our own survival we find others shall perish by our demise (correction?)
What I'm trying to say is that I've gone from trying to be, to turning bad, to finding a sense of hopefulness, to being let down, to trying to cling onto that cloud that shall make my spirits rise. Even though of all the places I lost my hope is usually the one where people find theirs I feel I was more in a conceited thought of mind. All I want to do is get drunk, and now all I want to do is experiment with drugs (the ones you don't find in stores). Right now, I'm in the middle. Do I try to be high spirited and vibrant, or wallow in my own self pity and linger in the sense of hopelessness? I've been stuck in the mud too long, I think it's time I get out and clean myself off as I hope I change again and find a real sense of being. While church was not the typical highlight I would have hoped for, by the kids aged from 18 up to their late 20's, it seemed like all I got from them were nothing but mean sarcasm and not very friendly. Of course, stalking them from behind the counter in the shadows of the cafeteria, I could see they were amazingly high spirited when they all talked about stupid stuff. "Oh boy, you love Justin Bieber too, OMFG!!! I luv yu!!!" would seem like it would be all they talked about, or that and other unknown artists that I have no clue about. Ever since I've been away from the church's young adult group, I feel like do I want to remain bad, or go somewhere else and find a new enlightenment? Since I've managed to get Friday's off, they decide to switch their days from Friday's to Thursday, of all the days, that's the only one I've probably had constantly ever since back in 2010 when I started going.With 3 more weeks left before THE BIGGEST BREAK I will ever feel since 2010, should be the last time I have a Thursday period.
For the relevance of the title now. As I found myself going off to church today since a long time and smelling like a homeless person, I felt like maybe I have been in the wrong for the longest part of my life. I just hope those visions don't come back and haunt the living hell out of me again, but I need to find a spiritual uplifting. So, I think I will try to change my life around and try to be more spiritually guided. In fact, if anything, since I was expelled or suspended from a position as a assistant for the kids, I think maybe I should join again and help with the little ensemble they have going on with praise and worship. I think they'll have an open spot... on the drums... and if anything, playing Progressive Rock (Rush, Dream Theater, Andromeda, An Endless Sporadic) has taught me anything is that 5/8's notes sound better than 1/2 notes; just please don't bring in 32's or I will scream "AH... chu" and then pick my nose and pretend not to care. I'm not going to go in and pretend that I am all clean and healthy. I have had a hard time dealing with heart conditions, but if there's one thing I would love to do to be closer to, um, God, I would say it's to play my heart out for Him... or at least die trying. Actually, that doesn't sound good, not would that convey well in front of a hundred kids when you have a heartattack on stage. Nothing like breaking the kids into a new light; death is real, but Prog is eternal!
Song of the day; PANIC ATTACK!!!!!! by Dream Theater.
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