• 17Jul 08

  Picking up polsci's slack.

  When I read one of Polsci's recent blogs, and found out that he didn't go up to jump Kelly's pond on her Harley's, I was disappointed. I was looking forward to broken bones and twisted metal, and instead I get A Shark Tale. I mean, no offense, but boooring! I mean, do you know what I mean? I decided to take matters into my own hands and just jump the pond myself.

  My good friend Cletus, he's been between jobs for the past 2 and a half years, so I figured he'd be willing to come with me. He doesn't drive, and my vehicle gets really bad gas mileage.

  

  That's my baby, but I needed something more fuel efficient. I have some buddies down at the police impound lot, so they hooked me up with a good deal on a seized ride.

  

  I guess it was used for drug trafficking, and maybe some prostitution. I was assured it's previous owner wouldn't come looking for it for 10-20 years. Things were going all right, until we came up the Canadian border. Apparently the Canadian authorities felt my new car warranted some extra 'attention'. Cletus, never being a fan of authority, decided to get out of the car and bolt.

  

  Needless to say, things didn't end well for him. I hear Canadian prisons are rough, they force you to watch Curling and listen to Celine Dion 16 hours of the day. Hell on earth, I tell you. I'd really rather not talk about that. But Cletus's bad fortune did give me a chance to escape, and I made it the rest of the way to Kelly's without delay. Unfortunately, when I got there, Kelly strictly forbid me from doing any kind of stunts on her new bikes. She told me very non-politely that she'd "rip me a new one" if I so much as touched her Harley. Seeing the dismay in my eyes, she found another bike that she would let me perform on. She assured me the bike was safe and completely stunt-worthy.

  

  It didn't go as well as planned. Fortunately, I put on some weight recently, so I couldn't get enough power to clear the pond and I landed safely in the water. I'm sorry for letting you all down, I'll practice and try again soon.

  • Posted Jul 17, 2008 10:20 am GMT
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