• 26Dec 09

  Cologne

  Tomorrow we're heading for Cologne. It's our first real vacation since we got to Europe. We'll be there through the 31st. When we return, we'll be putting up the pictures like I have with Jena and Hanover. I'll then post the link.

  • Posted Dec 26, 2009 2:17 pm GMT
  • Category: Travel
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• 24Dec 09

  It just became Christmas.

  My wife is asleep on the couch next to me right now. We've been in Germany almost five full months. There have been many things I have learned since I got here, but perhaps the most important are these. German food is bland and I mean really bland. In fact, German beer is bland. There I said it. German beer is bland. Bland, bland, bland. All German beers taste the same. They taste like a moderately well made lager. In other words, bland. I've also learned the most important thing in the world to me is asleep on the couch right now. I understood this to be true before, but I didn't feel it the way I do now. For the first time in my life, I will not be seeing extended family over Christmas. Heck, here, it is Christmas and there is no extended family in sight. Turns out, we couldn't afford to go to the states.

  In many ways, I am relieved. First, I hate travelling. The further the journey the more I hate it. You get where you are going and everyone just assumes you went through nothing. However, it's really a miserable experience. Airports are misery. No-one would argue with me there. Driving is worse. In the states, I was always afraid of being run down by an 18-wheeler. Here, if I was driving, I would be afraid of a bicyclist deciding his best route would be right in front of me. I'm just fine walking, thank you very much. At least on my own two feet, I can dodge out of the way of crazy cyclists and truck drivers.

  However, I am not writing this blog to discuss what I've learned nor my distaste of travel. I feel like there is something more to be discussed, yet I don't know what it is. I have devoted myself, as a physicist, to the very mysteries of the universe for over a decade and while I have learned a great many useful skills that make me quite employable, I have not found what I have been looking for. Without commenting on the value of belief, I can honestly say, I have none. Some might accuse me of atheism or believing in science, but they would be wrong. My lack of belief in God does not make me believe otherwise.

  It's fundamental that I cannot deny who or what I am. I am just as any other poor sod. I have no deep insight into the mysteries that lay beyond human comprehension. On a different level, I am quite lucky. I was born to an upper-middle class family in the United States. I received a good education. I have had the freedom to explore my own abilities. Despite all that, I cam very much in awe of people who have much less than I do - and some who have far more than I do.

  I perceive faith as a grand gift. Perhaps it is a divine gift. To believe, fervently, in something. To feel the sense of truth. To feel that you understand what is right. I envy these things. I am left in darkness, ever wondering. I am not elitist in this. I do not see, as some do, that belief is a refuge for those of low intellect. I know my father, a man of unshakable faith, yet also of incredible intellectual merit. I should state now, my father is a Methodist minister. I cannot offer any idea which describes him of lesser capability in any respect than myself, and he has faith. I envy his faith. I envy his self assuredness. When he walks into a room, he knows he is there to do God's work.

  I have no such feeling. When I enter a room, so to speak, I carry with me only my own belief in my own abilities. As one who has no faith, I must admit, I am jealous of those who have faith. I know atheists who are of as strong a conviction as my father. I am jealous of them too. I am possessed of many virtues: intellect, guile, stamina, even unnormal strength in the face of adversity. However, I do not have faith. Every where I go, I walk there alone. I do not walk assured that my opponents are on their own either nor do I feel I have someone on my side. If I walk into a room with you, I have no idea what to expect.

  Sometimes, I have no idea what to expect of myself. If anything, I write on this blog my own feelings. I should not fear to write this, yet I do. I am always afraid of who I am and where I am going. While I am so far quite successful in my endeavors, I am never possessed of confidence. Writing this, I think to myself, what a self-indulgence this is. However, I think at the end of this, there is one thing I have learned. I know that I am happier that my wife is near me, even if asleep on the couch. Perhaps I have been looking in the wrong places. I look to my right and I see my happiness.

  I know that I am having a Merry Christmas. I hope you are, or will, too.

  • Posted Dec 24, 2009 4:55 pm GMT
  • Category: General
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• 23Dec 09

  Braid, question, hrmmm

  So, I've heard whisperings from all around that Braid is a really excellent game. What with the sale from Steam, I decided I look at some screen shots. As far as I can tell, Braid seems to be an homage to old NES and SNES games. I recognize Donkey Kong, Super Mario Bros. and various other classic games. Was that supposed to be the point?

  • Posted Dec 23, 2009 6:00 pm GMT
  • Category: Games
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