differences I've noticed in places between how Americans and Canadians pronounce

the language compared to English.

ok some Canadians do lengthen the 'oo' and add an 'eh' at the end of a sentence.

alrighty hoser, grab a sixer of LaBatt's and let's take that moose to the hoose, eh?
but so do some Americans from the northern border near 'Canuckistan'

what I really mean to point out is how that despite regional dialects.

Yanks and Canucks both have a tendency to do things like say.

budder whereas the English, Australian, New Zealander will say buttah.
wash becomes wesh, warsh, or wersh.

while in the UK it may very well come out wosh but closer to the original.

one thing that changed on this side 'of the pond' was the pronunciation of vowels.

and the softening of consonants.

T often is pronounced as a d the letter 'a' especially has a different sound in the 'new world'

and the ending of words.

Even in the 18th century what the new country called 'Americanism'

their forebears in England called 'barbarous' treatment of English language

when Ben Franklin and Samuel Johnson disagreed over the matter

American language versus barbarous treatment of the English language
we see that this has been an ongoing thing since the time of the first generation
born in the new world and the language began changing.

I've heard that a few times. I'm not talking about my fave cheese or durian fruit or sardines.

because I only have food with an 'odor' when I'm with other people who enjoy it 'like the Luthern
lutefisk potluck' or if I go outside away from others like when I enjoy a durian.

I am talking about inside my apartments or houses.

Can't count the times I've been told a room or my entire place smell like a locker or stale food or wet dog or old cat depending on my pet of the time.

Perhaps guys don't notice things as much as girls.

I don't think it was working with radioactive material. that is kept in protective containers.
and if you can't trust your government

I do believe I lost a good deal of my sense of small after I got my HazMat certificate.

started working with and packaging some really neat chemicals and explosives the best part was the spills and there are times when you can't avoid some contact

I just haven't been able to notice odors for awhile, until they become fairly strong.

in 1788 David Davis was probably not the most happily married man in England
since in his will he left his wife the sum of five shillings with the explanation that it
was to "enable her to get drunk one last time" at his expense.

in American that is about 50 cents.
From this we learn you could tie one on for half a dollar in 1788.

and with a quid you tipple for a week.
although if you don't want beer you likely will get gin, cider and mulled wine.

As soon as the flux capacitor warms up I know where I'm going.

THE FLORIDA BAR ASSOCIATION
moved by Jack Thompson's quest for public decency did their part. They permanently

disbarred him for his repeated violations of legal procedures
and harassment of judges and other attorneys.

In other words Jack Thompson is considered to be too sleazy to be a lawyer.

THE COP SAID

I stopped you because you were driving on the wrong side of the street.

The sun was so bright I could hardly see but I noticed there were no cars coming

so I moved over into the shade.

A WELCOME GUEST

A man was walking in the city, when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and
shabby-looking tramp who asked him for a couple of pounds for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted two quid and asked,
"If I gave you this money, will you take it and buy whisky?"

"No, I stopped drinking years ago," the tramp said. "Will you use it to gamble?"

"I don't gamble. I need everything I can get just to stay alive."

"Will you spend the money on greens fees at a golf course?"

"Are you MAD? I haven't played golf in 20 years!"

The man said, "Well, I'm not going to give you two quid.
Instead, I'm going to take you to my home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The tramp was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?

I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty bad." The man replied, "Hey, man, that's OK!

I just want her to see what a man looks like who's given up drinking, gambling, and golf!"

---------------------------------------------------------------

My blind date picked me up in a 1956 Jag XK 140.

Unfortunately she was the original owner.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Since i still have family there.....
I'm adding a couple of Yorkshire jokes

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Yorkshireman's dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a
gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by.

Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of me dog?"

Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?"

Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft bugger!"

SUICIDE BOMBERS

have today attacked Bradford city centre. Early estimates suggest
they may have caused thousands of pounds worth of improvements.

THERE'S AND OLD MARRIED COUPLE

born and bred in Yorkshire and living in Leeds. Unfortunately, the wife dies.
She is subsequently buried and the husband arranges a headstone.

He goes to the stonemason and asks for a stone that says

ACCEPT DEAREST MARGARET LORD
SHE WERE THINE

Two weeks later, he goes to her grave to see the new headstone. It says

ACCEPT DEAREST MARGARET LORD
SHE WERE THIN

The old chap is mortified and goes to the stonemason to complain.

"You've missed the E off lad,"he says.
The stonemason is most apologetic and promises that it will be
rectified by the following morning.

Next morning, the old chap goes to the grave to check that the work
has been done. The headstone now reads

ACCEPT DEAREST MARGARET LORD
E, SHE WERE THIN

I haven't gotten around to starting all the games I got from my last trip.

but could not resist grabbing a few more

Eventually I will get around to playing them all.

for the PS3 I picked up:

L..A. Noire

Deus Ex: Human Revolution

Madden 12

NCAA Football 12

and I just noticed it is blog number 900,

caught me by surprise.
Doesn't seem like that many or having been at GS that long

Oh yeah I also grabbed some creepy movies.

I love to watch horror movies during bad weather winter's dark nights.

Cursed

Phantoms

Children of the Corn V

Hellraiser:Inferno

The Faculty

Halloween H20

Dracula 2000

Dracula II: Ascention

and Hocus Pocus a Halloween comedy that is just fun.

Charlie Sheen may have had his problems/demons but he was great on
Two and a Half Men and kept that show at the level it maintained for so long.

Nobody watched it for Berta, or Alan or that annoying kid joke, I mean Jake.

the mom was really good actress but she is a side issue so they didn't wear
out the main characters.

HOWEVER now with the heart of the show gone.

we have two straight men.

Ashton Kucher in That 70s show played the cute dumb guy that was the straight man
for the funny ones on the series and it was successful that way.

Jon Cryer as Alan Harper made a career out of being the butt of Charlie's insults and
was a good foil.

Ashton after The 70s has had a long string of low rated movies and I've watched a few.

and they quite frankly deserve the low rating. Mugging for the camera and acting like
a male version of a dumb blond worked in his sitcom but not for movies.

and now 2 and 1/2 men is stuck with two straight men and no direction.

I quite frankly don't see the show lasting much longer.

Are kids too cushioned and mollycoddled these days?
Are children allowed the time and freedom just to be kids?

part of the problem is they are overprotected by way too many rules.

here are some dangerous things that kids should be
allowed to do so they can just be kids and have fun.

CLIMB A TREE

As a kid, I loved to climb trees. If you live in the city, the tree climbing
opportunities are somewhat limited since tree climbing is often forbidden
by the Parks Department. I do my best to ignore that particular rule, while
being sure to climb in a way that is safe for us and for the trees.
To a child a tree is a mountain and a vertical adventure.

DAM UP A CREEK

While not dangerous per se (unless you're planning on sandbagging a river)
one of the great joys of childhood is damming a creek and playing with your creation.
Something about dams and creeks is primal and universal.
Unleashes the inner workerman or workerwoman in every kid.

THROW A SPEAR

Important things we learned about spear throwing:

- Find the balance point of the spear prior to throwing

- Similar to Olympic javelin throwers' technique

running is a key element in successfully throwing a spear

- Practice, practice, practice is fundamental

PLAY WITH FIRE

This was my fave - i just loved to play with fire and always had matches with I was a kid.
my besties and me would be out past curfew lighting matchbook fights.

Building a fire:

bring matches or a lighter you need a fire source.

Two: dried pine needles are good, green ones crackle and pop.

A basic building design for a fire is to make a frame of a teepee out of sticks

then stuff it with dried pine needles.

For safety around the fire use your common sense if you have any.

Common sense, like don't touch or jump in the fire.

You should put the fire in a circle of rock or a fire pit so the embers can't really go far.

and most important of all

when you are done playing with it remember to make sure the fire is completely out.

there was another recommendation about taking apart an old appliance.
but that reminded me too much of shop cIass which the kids will have soon enough
in school so i don't recommend it.

Unless you want to have fun breaking up an old VCR or DvD player that doesn't run
anymore when the family gets a new one.

that is a great father son activity

or mother daughter activity - girls like to build and ruin things also

I saw this on a funny photos site from Australia and I totally agree.

Iran, after holding them for a short time to make a point, released the most inefficient
so called spies ever.

The girl that was with them was let go early on because of her health. Not so much
that she was less guilty but I believe they just didn't want to deal with her

Were they really innocent hikers? - balderdash - it takes very little background checking
to discover that all three of them have a history of 'activism' and on their journey.

Sarah Shourd for one is not a 'teacher from California' as from her interview,
she is a journalist who lived in Syria writing for their paper.

if they were pretending to be hikers why not at least picnic once in awhile.

but they had an agenda of some sort.

but did such a bad job the only thing we know is they got caught
inside Iran and instead of being told:

when you are in another country you have to obey their laws

the state department
spent a few million dollars babying them and getting their release.

the boys (to be called men you have to be adult) were kept

to make a point and not give up easily to an American government that
has bullied them so much in recent years.

And one other reason we know they were not serious hikers?

.
the girl was not very healthy which was a good reason for her to
organize this and if/when they got captured play the poor me card.

The Iranians let her go on humanitarian reasons something that
isn't mentioned in all the hoopla.

Why are they being treated as some sort of heros for this instead
of being sent to reform school?

when you pull a ***** stunt in the USA and the rescue costs money
you have to repay it.

WHY aren't they being asked to repay the cost of their rescue?

Part of the reason the weren't held is probably the Iranians discovered
these three really agree with them philosophilcally.

Just as Jill Caroll awhile back was not held long by her friends.

or Euna Lee and Lara LIng who went to the North Korean border to do
a story for Al Gore's cable channel and go caught crossing to the wrong
side. Lara would never have had a career if she hadn't bee a prisoner
of Kim Il Jong for 5 months.
A little whinging on camera goes a long way.
Even her sister had her career take off after that.
I think a lot of people confused the two

Don't get me wrong, activism is a fine thing.

but do it in America where you are protected by our laws.

in another nation you have to follow their laws or take the consequences.

something too many idealistic young people don't or won't realize.

For my PC I got these.

Alpha Protocol

an interesting action/adventure game with RPG elements

barely started this one

Garshasp: The Monster Slayer

I had to get this not only to support the Indie gaming industry in Iran.
but because I love the story behind the mythical/semi-historical character
taken from the Garshasp-nama (The Epic of Garshasp)
Asadi Tusi is second only to Ferdowsi among the world's great epic poets.

Lucid

a puzzle game which like bejeweled is a great way to kill a little time

Torchlight

a fairly simple and pretty straightforward RPG that is lots of fun.

and for the PS3:

I finally got Dragon Age 2

don't have the first DA yet but doubt if it is necessary.
I've done other series out of order with no problemo.

Red Dead Redemption

about time I got it

along with a couple MMOs

adding so many good games to add to my already full now playing list.....

might be awhile before I get around to completing anything

Baseball fans should learn about Taichung Agan(Robots).

both the most successful and least successful team during the six year run f the TML - Taiwan Professional League.

They were the last place team in 1997, the leagues first season and also in the cellar
on two other occasions.

In their other three seasons they took the title for a total of:
three first place finishes and three last place finishes.

Poor attendance and financial trouble led the TML to fold after 6 seasons and merge
with the established CPBL - Chinese Professional Baseball League.

Over the six year TML run the Taichung Agan were the most successful team
and also had the most times in last place.

With the merger they were absorbed by the Macoto Cobra and thus became part
of the dmedia T-REX who was expelled in 2008 as part of the most recent game fixing scandal.

Professional baseball in Taiwan has seen attendance take a nosedive due
because of the scandals involving game fixing scandals.

The sport is unquestionably clean now and has some great players.

However the perception was created when a couple of the best teams folded
due to the scandals and the work of regaining the good will of the fans continues.

A great blog that should get more traffic

especially from girl gamers is O.M.G-Our Mom Games from our very own Ghanima_A- also known as Sihaya the Fremen on various games and boards around the internet

Has come to Japan. That kind of baseball was baseball played by women, as
the Girls' Professional Baseball League
officially launched with two teams, the Astro Dreams and the Swing Smileys.
The names, like many other aspects of Japanese culture, are cute.
A third team is going to be announced in December of this year. The two teams are based in
Osaka and Kyoto but the league is looking to eventually expand
throughout the country. Japan being the baseball-mad country that it is, this seems possible.

Women who play baseball seem to face less adversity in Japan than they do in the United States.
Eri Yoshida, for example, was drafted back in 2008 by one of the amateur leagues in Japan.
Since then, she has become a national celebrity, met with Tim Wakefield for advice on her knuckler,
played professionally for the Chico Outlaws and given girls all over the world hope that they, too,
can play baseball. I'd say that's pretty good on her part, considering that she was born in 1992.

The first women's team in Japan played in the 20s.

if Japan can do it why can't we have a professional baseball league for women?

I know there are plenty of talented girl in North America who would love to play ball. and credit
to the Aeryssports blog. who picked it up from the news in Japan.

on September the 16, 1821 after 11 years of fighting the Mexican people won their Independence from Spain.

The celebrating begins on September 15 (the eve of Independence Day) by having crowds of people gather in the zocalos (town meeting place) of cities, towns, and villages. In Mexico City a huge square is decorated with flags, flowers and lights of red, white, and green. People sell confetti, whistles, horns, paper-machete helmets, and toys in the colors of red, white and green. The people also eat lots of food.

The people watch the time and when the clock strikes eleven o'clock the crowd gets silent. On the last strike of eleven the president of Mexico steps out on the palace balcony, and rings the historic liberty bell that Father Hidalgo rang to call the people. Then the president gives the Grito de Delores. He shouts "Viva Mexico" "Viva la independencia" and the crowd echos back. People do this at the same time all across Mexico. While the crowd says this they fill the air with confetti, streamers and noise. Castillos explode in showers of red, white, and green. Then people go home and sleep for the next days' celebration.

The actual day of September 16 is similar to July Fourth in the Untied States. There are rodeos, parades, bullfights and horseback rider performances. There are statues in memory of Father Hidalgo, one of the big heroes of the revolution.

people decorate them with flowers that are red, white, and green.

The Mexican Flag is made of three main colors; green, white, and red. These colors all symbolize something and have an important part in the celebrations. The green is on the left side of the flag and symbolizes independence. White is the color in the middle of the flag and symbolizes religion. The red is on the right side of the flag and symbolizes union. These colors are used often in decorating for the Mexican Independence Day fiesta.

The people feast and recall Hidalgo's speeches.

Cinco de Mayo by the way is only a major celebration in Southwest and western United States.

It marks a victory in a minor battle in the war against the French on 5 May, 1861.

on that day in May the battle of Puebla was an unremarkable little skirmish.
It is remembered in Mexico mainly by a small celebration in the town of Puebla.

Cinco de Mayo was never much of a celebration in Mexico but during the 50s and 60s
civil rights activists attempting to build harmony between cultures selected this because
the date falls near the beginning of summer and is perfect for using parks and having community picnics.

Dieciseis de Septiembre the Independence Day falls later in the year when it might be chilly
and people are starting to go back inside and it is harder for anglos who have no Spanish
to pronounce than Cinco de Mayo.

who cares about the origin - it is a good excuse to have tacos and Tecate for the body.

(Dieciseis isn't really mispelled I had a HTML error until I used a regular e -
the english only letter rule remember)

These are a couple of things that are not hard to do but not always easy to remember.

Especially if you are in a hurry. But if you don't forget the kitchen will love you.

***

Number one and something that is easy to over look is cleaning the gunk around the rim.

if you let it go more than a day or two is starts to look really icky

***

The second Item is something I figured out when I was cleaning the kitchen counter
that is behind my stove.
There is a vent and I noticed that a spot always has some grease on it when I cook.

I had some candles and little tins on the counter for a family dinner and when I finally
got around to cleaning it all up - I saw a pile up of grease on some of it.

I moved them and put a long paper table cloth on the counter and the next time I made
high tea there was a grease spot on the cloth behind the stove vent.

SO

now every day after I've used the stove I double up a piece of disposable paper towel.

place it in the slot between the back of the stove vent and the kitchen counter.

and the grease is caught by the towel. I throw it away each day.

rinse and repeat.

and there is something else I do.

since i love to use Iron skillets - they have to at least be given a good rinse.

so I use a combination of kitchen cleanser and clorox cleanup to make sure
the sink stays white because some pots and pans and the hard water
will turn your sink a dark shade if you don't take care.

And before one of you guys says it.

I know - i cook and I clean.

one of these days i'll make some girl a dandy house wife:lol

I also love Semolina pudding and Devon Cream.

fortunately there is a little shoppe named Best of Britain where I can get the real thing.

I can buy treacle pudding made with Golden Syrup - when I make recipes using

ingredients from American markets I have to substitute light molasses

which although close is not quite the same thing.

Also have to buy some bangors to go with my mash otherwise I'd have to make do with

American hot dogs or Polish Sausages. Kielbasa and mash is quite good and might really be the original sausage and mash

especially since bangers now have such a high cereal content.

hot dogs are rather bland with mash, I've tried them. They are best with chili dogs

That is also why I go to the Asian Market for moon cakes.

The typical super market will have a section of Asian foods but....you would be fortunate indeed
to find what you need to make a half way decent moon cake.

and then there is the tasty but simple Yorkshire pudding.

add some sausages before you cook it and you have
Toad in the hole

Smith's bovril crisps were the very best potato chip of all time

unfortunately when Walker's bought the company

I heard they are making a Marmite now but that hasn't shown up in the stateside shop yet.

while I do enjoy Vegemite I just love Bovril.


I have also made some delish kidney pie.

when I took it to a pot luck at work I made it steak and kidney pie.

I knew the tender sensibilities of some of the girls would balk at kidneys

but if they tasted it first and steak was part of the name they'd enjoy it and then go home and brag to their friends about eating - EW - kidney

Teenagers today drink twice as much as they did ten years ago.

To be fair, though, they were only aged between 3 and 9 ten years ago.

------------------------

SKY NEWS

'Schools May Get Pregnancy Clinics'

When I went to school, we just called them the bike sheds.

----------------------------------

Those Muslim fundamentalists have to be the worst terrorists in history.
Even the bog Irish worked out you could walk away from a bomb before it blows up!

----------------------------------

Those who criticize our generation forget who raised it.

-------------------------------------

You know when you've got a bad hangover when the 'Big Issue' bloke gives you a quid..........

----------------------------------

There are thousands of starving homeless people on the streets of London,
there are also thousands of unwanted stray pets on the streets of London.

Does it really take a genius to work out the solution?

---------------------------------------------

When informing the relatives of a murder victim that the killer was also a cannibal!

Remember to tell them that we found remains, and not left overs

--------------------------------

When can cannibals leave the table?

When everyone's eaten.

-------------------------------

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN

On their way to get married, a loving couple get into car accident that proves fatal.
The couple is sitting outside Heaven's Gate waiting on St. Peter to finish the
paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly
get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter replies,
"I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.

The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get
married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?"
they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month,
looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in
Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out?
Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?"
exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!"
St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here!
Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"

-------------------


A PLAY

I recently wrote a play for my local Primary school and had the children act it out.
I have no idea why the parents reacted so negatively to it.
I thought it was a very well written and thought out war/love story.

The most moving moment in the play:

Fanny hasn't seen Dick since war broke out. Dick is desperate for Fanny.

FANNY: Dick!
DICK: I'm so glad you came, Fanny.
FANNY: I'm very wet, Dick.
DICK: Yes, it is raining rather heavily at the moment. Shall we take tea?
FANNY: Yes, let's! I could do with something warm inside me.
DICK: An iced finger?
FANNY: I'd prefer to stuff myself with a spotted dick, Dick.
Though feel free to have a finger yourself.
DICK: Oh, gosh, it's hard, Fanny.
FANNY: Hard, Dick?
DICK: I wish this damn of a war would end and we could spend
every night locked in each others' arms.
FANNY: What about the navy? You've done such heroic things with your seamen.
DICK: They mean nothing to me! Every night I toss in my bunk thinking about us.
I want to discharge myself over you, Fanny.

I have no idea why the childrens' parents were so angry

After a tough, hard fought battle the Iowa State Cyclones in three over times.

defeated the University of Iowa 44-41. In regulation it was a hard fought battle which state brought back to an even score
of 24 all with about a minute left in regulation.

both teams scored goals in the first two over time drives but university was held to a field goal in the third overage.

with James White's 4 yard run:

state came through with the winning score and also a well needed victory since
Iowa had won the last three years of the annual intra state meeting.

Having a Quarterback with a name like Steele Jantz - state deserves a big win

and he came to Ames from San Francisco City College

the junior college system in northern California also gave us
Seneca Wallace out of Sacramento City who lead Iowa State to Bowl Games in 2001 and 2002.

bowl games.

in 2001 Seneca and state lost to Pitt by one point.

in 2002 they played Boise State

in 2000 Sage Rosenfels quarterbacked the Cyclones to their first bowl game
since the 70s and also their very first bowl victory.

in 2004 they defeated......Miami of Ohio and the only other bowl win
was 2009 over Minnesota

Iowa State won the Northern Conference of the Big 12 in 2004

have they ever won their league outright?

yes twice

they were champions in 1911 and 1912 - back when I played 8)

you can count on Americans to do the right thing,

after they have exhausted every other possibility.

right now just look at them blaming each other in Washington, D.C.

our nations problems are getting worse and the congress and president are
very busy playing politics instead of dealing with the mess.

both continually putting out programs they know the other will never agree with

and don't expect there to be any meeting of the minds but instead are hoping to score points
and are more worried about the next election than the people they
supposedly were elected to represent.

why should anyone be surprised.

the names change but the actions of the cast pretty much is the same.

When Woodrow Wilson was the president pretty much the same thing
was happening and during each administration.

the more things change the more they stay the same.

My only regret during each election time is I am forced to vote between
a choice of crooked inept politicians.

if any party would give me a choice that wasn't a politician they would have a winner

the prolific striker ( number four on English Premier League goal scoring list)

has signed a contract not with Manchester United but with:

Muang Thong United of the Thai Premier League who are trying to reach the elite level of Asian football.

also Robbie would rather be in the Thai Premiers than in Division One or Two of the English pyramid.

it is a good situation for all concerned. Thai footy is on the rise and needs the star power
to help them gain credence and compete with Japan, South Korea and Iran who have long been the powers in Asia.

Robbie, at age 36 is nearing the end of his playing days but has a few goals left in him and
can be a big help to Muang Thong in their efforts to bring quality footy to Thailand.

BUS RIDE

On the last bus home the only other passenger was this girl.
It was plain we had both had too much to drink and one thing led
to another and we really had a hot session in the back seat on the way back from the city.

I bet she was was mad when woke up.

TEXTING

I was working late at the Warehouse last night when I received this text from my girlfriend:
'thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphone. Whenyougethomepleasegivemeanalternative.' And as
I eagerly rushed home, I couldn't help but wonder... What the hell does 'ternative' mean?

POOR JANEY

Little Janey was sat in class on her first day of school when she pissed herself, "Janey!",
Cried the teacher, if you need the toilet put your hand up. "OK" Said Janey. The next day,
Janey can't hold it in any longer and once again, she pisses herself. "JANEY!" Screamed
the teacher, if you need the toilet put your hand up. "OK" Said Janey. The next day, Janey is
sitting and once again, a puddle appears on the floor around her.
"JANEY!, WILL YOU PLEASE JUST PUT YOUR HAND UP IF YOU NEED A PEE?"
Roared the teacher. "But Miss," cried Janey, "I did put my hand up,
but it dribbled right through my fingers"

MORNING CALL

It is two o'clock in the morning and a husband and his wife are asleep when suddenly the
phone rings. The husband picks up the phone and before he can say anything, some talking
came from the other end of the line and the husband says "How the heck do I know what am I,
the weather man?" and promptly slams the phone down. His wife rolls over
and asks, "Who was that?" The husband replies, "I don't know, it was some bloke who wanted to
know if the coast was clear."

SUMMER JOB

A farmer hires a college student one summer to help around the farm. At the end of the
summer the farmer says, "Son, since you have done such a fine job here this summer,
I am going to throw a party for you." The college guy says, "Right on, thanks a lot man."
So the farmer says, "Well you better be able to handle a few beers because there will be
lotsa drinkn' going on."
College guy "Hey, I can drink just as much as anyone else so I should do just fine."

Farmer "There is also going to be a lot of fightn' so I hope you are ready." College guy
"I have been working hard all summer and I think I am in pretty good shape."
Farmer says, "Well, did I mention that there will be lotsa sex?" College guy "Good.
I have been out here all summer and I have been dying for some action.
What should I wear to this party?" Farmer says,
"I don't care it's just going to be me and you."

DEAR PARENTS:

Jasmine was in a relationship with a dirty homeless boy.
Snow White lived alone with 7 men.
Pinocchio was a liar.
Robin Hood was a thief.
Tarzan walked around without clothes on.
A stranger kissed sleeping beauty and she married him. Cinderella lied and snuck out at night to attend a party.

Sincerely, it's not our fault, it's how you raised us.