- jg4xchamp
- Rank: Virtual Hustler
- Member since: Jul 23, 2006
- Last online: 05/21/13 6:08 pm PT
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jg4xchamp's blog
Welcome to my blog of a bunch of random topics I feel like talking about. Sit back, relax, and hopefully enjoy the read.
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21May 13
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14May 13
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13May 13
http://www.gamespot.com/users/drinkerofjuice/show_blog_entry.php?topic_id=m-100-26022678#livefyre
That's right mooksi.
Because the world should know about the greatness that is Big Bo -
8May 13
Right? f*cking women never appreciate the amazing stuff inlife. Bunch of trifling ass hoes. Yeah I'm in a bloging mood lately, sue me. Your Beacon of Truth is here as always to deliver upon you nothing more than the truth.
BOOTY SHORT SEASON
F*ck Winter it's always about getting that summer time feeling, and why is the summer fantastic? Besides the beautiful weather and shit it's booty short season, dress season, skirt season, and I go party hard season. Tax season is over so I work less at the firm now, work calms down, and post mothers day I don't need to worry about too many major weekends at the Cheesecake factory that much either.
I turn a young 25 in a few weeks, and then it's on to a whole lot of nights out, because f*ck it. And remember it's not that I'm an alcoholic. It's that you're boring and don't go out enough. Get a life please.
F*CKING DARK SOULS
I was having a great today. Both jobs went smoothly. Got out of the firm really quick today so I had time to grab some lunch and stuff,and got some pizza. F*cking delicious I might add( New York, our pizzas better than yours, get mad). Got out of my other job fairly quickly today, made it home with hours to spare before the broads shift. Got my dick wet. (Sex for the uneducated). That's a great day by Champ standards. Easy work, my stomach was satisfied, my dick was satisfied. I mean really I should have just went to bed I could only ruin this day not make it better. Nope I started playing more Dark Souls, because f*ck it I just made it to Anor Londo.
MAde it to the stupid archers, and their f*cking bullshit. I was having a great day and you f*cking ruined it. I thought we were friends. Some of you are all hur durr that part isn't hard, or blah blah blah or hur durr it only takes some time. I had 15 humanity earned from helping other douches beat boss fights. You know what happened to my 15 humanity? GONE!!!! That's why day was ruined.
Liz's reaction to my real life problem?
"You are such a child".
Doesn't swallow, votes against potential 3ways, isn't there in my time of need, wants me to wife her? such c*ntery.
THAT SLUT STILL GOT IT
Bet you perverts read the title and assumed I meant the mrs. How dare you. I would never speak of her in such a negative manner. Anyway I can't bring myself to actually play Luigi's Mansion 2 right now because lolhandhelds and all that jazz. And Ninja Gaiden 2 mentor I needed a break from so it was Bayonetta time.
When the game came out in 2010 I was all about how good that game was. It was f*cking fun beyond words. How much did I like it? I made sure to share my displeasure with GUFU if they didn't try it: http://www.gamespot.com/unions/GSUFU/forums/27150030/the-if-you-didnt-buy-bayonetta-youre-fing-lame-thread
You can link that yourself because gamespots hyperlink is against working correctly. Anyway 6 playthroughs later it was easily my favorite for Game of the Year in 2010. And in retrospect I'd probably would still want to show it more love than Super Mario Galaxy 2 or Super Meat Boy(both f*cking amazing games from that year). Of course back then I didn't actually finish Ninja Gaiden 2, and I have now. So how does it stack up.
Well Bayonetta was DMC territory since day one so by default I like NG2s combat styIe and feel more. In general NG is more visceral and violent, and just far more satisfying in a brutal way. It's meant to challenge you in a way Bayonetta and DMC never do. Those games have more punching bag like enemies as oppose to NG where everything can literally kill you.
With all that said Bayonetta is the best of the bunch in terms of dial a combo/combo string games for my money. DMC3 has some awesome stuff, but it lacks the raw speed, slick feeling, and all the cancels one gets in Bayonetta. The weapon variety for the most part is solid enough, and putting together some of the crazier strings once you learn how to dodge offset is pure gaming bliss. Bayonetta to me is one of those games that actually delivers on something a lot of game developers try to reach for: easy to pick up and difficult to master. You can beat Bayonetta on normal by being a passive player, but to actually conquer the game. Get the platinum trophies, unlock all its secrets, put up high combo scores, and beat the higher difficulty modes? That's all about learning the ins and outs of the combat system.
And while it doesn't have the more open levels of NG, and does that annoying "we blocked off this section so now you can fight things" thing that DMC and God of War and Metal Gear Rising do the actual level design in the game is pretty f*cking incredible in spots. Where DmC only know how to look visually crazy Bayonetta was able to look crazy, let you interact or play around in it in a more meaningful manner, and all the while provide a sense of scale/intensity that DmC never really could match up with.
And the best highlight of the game? The F*cking boss fights. Man f*ck anyone that likes CHronus from God of War 3. He is a glorified moving level that you do not actually fight, but one you walk on to fight standard dudes, and do a QTE that does damage to Chronus. Bayonetta has large creatures you engage in battle with, climb on, and actually conquer. God of War's x factor for satisfaction in boss fights was brand names: Zeus, Poseidon, Hades. You know names it could use to sell the idea that it was "epic". Bayonetta's x-factor was the actual boss fights themselves. The pattern based ones were aggressive plenty, lengthy, and f*cking large. Also Jubileus? Pretty f*cking awesome, and for good measure you have fights with Jeanne whose fights are more about pure speed and reflexes. Any one of the boss fights in Bayonetta would be worthy of a final boss in a big triple A game this gen, and it had a lot of them as warm up.
Now of course the game isn't without its faults. The camera can lose you at times, the survive a big jump QTEs are universally lame, and I'm not a big fan of those sega homages in the game to space harrier or whatever that motorcycle game is suppose to be. Also I would have liked some more melee centric weapons that could be alternatives to the sword, because a lot of the extra weapons were more specialized than something I could use as a main stay. That's me at least.
Some people also think too little of the story, and to be fair I've beaten the game now 7 times, and I don't really remember what the story was actually about. That said people like Darklink also go "hur durr I can't continue playing it because it's too terrible in story" and to be fair I think all of you that do that miss the f*cking point. The game is intentionally crazy and stupid. It's not faking it, it's pretty self aware, and frankly plenty of its jokes land pretty nicely. It's tongue n cheek the way it should be, and sure every now and then Bayonetta herself enters the realm of shameless. Otherwise though it's not anywhere near lolipop chainsaw territory, it's not horrendousely lame like say a Bungie story, and this would offend me way more if it took itself seriously when it was in fact horse shit: see God of War.
So yeah how does Bayonetta stack up only 3 years after its release, after Ninja Gaiden 2, and to the current day Beacon of Truth?
Silly, Slutty, and Satisfying out of 10And to end things on a more positive note. Game found this: http://cdn.roflzone.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Posing-Guide.jpg
Which I guess might be important to you types. Liquid is any of that shit even remotely true?
https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-prn1/942140_332125070248746_1125030222_n.jpg
Also that picture was to big, but the huge jugs required me to make a link again.
Anyway other than that it's more Dark Souls this week, and getting through Mothers Day weekend so lets bring back my random ass questions at the end
1: What did you get, or are getting your mother for Mothers Day because you aren't an ungrateful child?
2: Name your poison for the evening
as in what are you drinking in terms of beer/liquor, or what are you smoking)
3: Any summer plans? going away anywhere? what are you looking forward to in the summer?
4: Do you actually like the movie Adaptation. If not, why? -
5May 13:Bad Boys 2 is alright as long as you suspend your disbelief to the absolute highest extent. Seriously. The absolute highest.With that said, I'll play this if you play Max Payne 3. The game is the FEAR of third person shooters in terms of gunplay.
I played Max Payne 3, you have not played Binary Domain. And don't even give me the "but you didn't even enjoy Max Payne 3 all that much'...that's not my fault. You could make better recommendations. At least I'm not willing to lie about Binary Domain. That game is simply fun in spite of never really aiming to be anything more than just good. Just for you not holding up your end of the bargain I'm gonna champ it up mad hard in this blog. Remember you could have avoided all this boredom had you just played Binary DomainAnyway for those of you still reading I decided to shine the White Hot Light of Truth for those who need it most: Rockstar, Max Payne 3, and Grand Theft Auto 5.
So I wasn't really too excited or even....f*ck that GTA 5 exists while watching that trailer. Like for all of Rockstars positives as writers(and thats being loose with the word positive, Liquid you are on some shit there is more filler in a Rockstar game than Battlestar Galactica and Lord of the Rings combined), their productions, and really their hubworlds. They kind of almost suck as game developers.
I'm not willing to completely say they suck. Because I had fun with GTA 4s free mode, and I have had fun in GTA games/RDR. The problem is usually that entertainment isn't consistent because they are games filled with routine filler missions that only pad the experience out more than actually keep me invested. Mechanically their games are WAY below the more linear games offering.
Say what you want but those old GTA games came out when Max Payne 1 and 2 were big shit so those GTA games had no excuse for the lame gunplay. GTA 4 came out when Gears of War showed everyone how to do a cover scheme. RDR came out after Gears 2 and Uncharted 2. Yet both GTA 4 and RDR are sluggish, and in GTA 4s case completely clunky on a shooter standpoint. So as you can see I'm not a fan of what Rockstar makes. It's slop that is presented nicely majority of the time.
So a few things changed. First rockstar made Max Payne 3. Is Max Payne 3 something I would call good? F*ck No. it's a game that would be better instantly if anyone other than Rockstar made it simply because they constantly get in the games way. The narrative on top of being all layers of f*cking; stupid is intrusive on the actual shooting part. And while the game is devoid of any actual variety- which to be fair the old Max Payne games weren't varied either, they also came out in 2001 and 2003 respectively when shit like that was a little bit more acceptable. It's just that they were much better paced, and narrative wise those games were way more interesting and had some actual charm to them.
Anwyay bashing the game isn't my point. It's actually a pretty decent game overall when Rockstar shuts the f*ck up. The thing the game excells at is the core mechanics. The simple act of shooting things in that game is pure grade A badassery. The Fear comparison works really well, because it's satisfying in the same exact ways as FEAR. I still say mechanically those old Max Payne games hold up pretty nicely because the gunplay in them is pretty dope, but 3 almost makes them feel ancient by comparison.
The slo mo, the way the environment just gets torn apart, the styIe of it all(because laying on your side and clearing a room looks and feels SOBADASS!!), the death animations, the feedback, the audio it's all working beautifully to satisfy the one thing RDR and GTA 4 did not do as well. The action feels great, and frankly gives Vanquish a run for its money in terms of best core mechanics in a third person shooter. Unfortunately like Vanquish everything else around those mechanics is pretty underwhelming most of the time.
Gunplay Is Awesome, Rockstars Bullshit? Not Awesome out of 10
So at the least one part of Rockstar's bullshit is fixed with their work on Max Payne 3. The shooting. Now lets fix the mission designs themselves. GTA 4 had that bank heist and that was well the best moment in the game, and it was the f*cking middle. So I was watching the Giantbomb stuff on GTA 5 and that got me more interested in the game. I don't want to say excited, but definitely interested.
So in my mind there is a lot of pre-planning missions going on where you play the 3 characters individually, and then the big heist mission where you need to use all 3 players, and that concept has me interested. First off they are already dropping the whole "I wanna leave the life, but I don't, and that's Irony because that's what we think Irony is at Rockstar" hoetry for "I wanna be top dog". That kind of villain? way easier to make interesting in a game about shooting people. Just saying.
But the whole mission with 3 different people should make for some interesting gameplay scenarios where you are switching from one gameplay element to another. At the least it means I get more big missions frequently, but with proper build up for the sake of pacing. Plus Rockstar soundtracks? usually f*cking godly.
Don't f*ck this up Rockstar with your Rockstaretry. And for the people that are about to defend Rockstar. Once again you tolerate nonsense, I don't. It's not my fault you choose to be a lesser person.
Bad Boys 2 is vastly superior to anything Rockstar has ever written. You mad?I don't care for the French
But she can get it. Yeah I saw Skyfall again. Pretty good, Casino Royale is better. Also saw Ironman 3. It sucks beyond Robert Downey Jr still being the coolest actor ever.
Edit: Also holy f*ck at the giant ass pictures.
Anyway Cheers, and enjoy your Sunday. Also buy your mother something nice for Mothers Day you terrible ungrateful overgrown child. -
30Apr 13
So I recently added Confessions of Fire to my library of albums(I still buy CDs for my car, hate on it), and the album is pretty fire right now. Aljosa forever clutch on the recommendations
So I've been going through my hipster indie shit(a term that will become an industry standard, you wait) one game at a time and actually finished up two games. Sound Shapes(which I enjoyed) and Papo & Yo(which I wanted to enjoy). And I feel like talking about the one I wanted to enjoy but didn't enjoy(shut the f*ck up Mooksi). For those new to me lets just say I don't have the best relationship with my dad. So any father/son dynamic/theme has usually resonated with me very well. How well? My single favorite episode of TV ever is an episode from Friday Night Lights called The Son: because that episode hits home pretty hard.
So of course a game that focuses on Vander Caballero(the game director/creator) abusive alcoholic father has my interest. This is the aspect of hipster indie shit that I like that I do not get from triple A retail games. These games can be an actual expression of the people making them since they don't have like 100 people working on it. I get a sense of some of the things the Super Meat Boy guys like while playing SMB. I don't know shit about Jason Jones when playing Halo: Combat Evolved to be quite honest other than that dude really liked Aliens and Starship Troopers.
So the games very simple in its approach as it paints this vivid idea of how a child copes with a father who more a monster than actual parent. It's suppose to give you a sense of wonder and sheer absurdity to go nicely with the fact that this is also how our main character copes with his father. The allegory is pretty heavy handed most of the way through, but I didn't think it was hamfisted. I do believe it tried to handle its theme in ways that would be a bit more real and frankly not all that positive as you would expect from a videogame. How the game actually playes? Well it's hipster indie shit so the go to route is to make it a puzzle game, and that's why the game ultimately fails to be anything effective or memorable.
Are there moments in this game that feel right, and properly convey what Caballero is feeling? sure, but those are very brief instances, and came by the ending of the game. The large portion of the game that you will play is going to be far more stilted and awkward in comparison. The gameplay doesn't make a very good metaphor for anything Caballero is trying to pull off here beyond the very basics of turning shitty dad into an actual monster who when he's drunk beats his kids. It creates these awkward transititions that take you out of the experience, and quite frankly take a lot of the sting away from the heavy theme the game is going for.
It also doesn't help that the actual playing part of the game isn't good at all. While none of it is "broken" beyond a janky camera, the puzzles themselves are simple to a fault. It's not just that they are too easy, that's an easy complaint you can lump on so many puzzle games(see Limbo). It's that they are transparent and easy to boot. You rarely actually need to think about your next move or figure the puzzle out, as much as you can just go through the motions and figure it out on the fly by just handling the basics.
In a sense you go through the motions and the puzzles solve themselves. Of course that raises the question does a game about an abusive father need to be fun? Of course it doesn't need to be "fun" because obviously that would be a major juxtaposition from the theme of the plot. That said if so much of the game is going to be the player solving puzzles -and the entire middle section is you solving puzzles- then they need to satisfy some itch on a gameplay level. Be it fun, challenge, or being a productive metaphore for the narrative. Catherine, Braid, and World of Goo have shown you can make a puzzle game with a narrative that goes hand in hand with the puzzle solving you are doing. Papo & Yo has a severe disconnect between the two. Spec Ops The Line has average gameplay as well(and this game is AVERAGE in the gameplay department at best) but that gameplay works perfectly for the narrative they were going for. That game is able to properly convey its commentary on modern day shooters through its gameplay no matter how off it is. This game flat out doesn't.
Yes when it gets to its ending you'll see some imagery that might be a little rough to take in, and it can make up for a lot of the inconsistencies you tolerate on your way there. But all Papo & Yo does for the medium beyond being an experiment(and one I'm glad someone took) is show us that just like any medium out there: you can have the theme you want, you can have the idea you think is amazing, and you can have the audiences desire to actually enjoy it(and I went in wanting to enjoy this), but if the execution isn't there all you have is an idea.
So yeah I'm glad someone made a game like this, and was willing to tackle a theme that most videogames shy away from. Is it a possibility a theme like this has no business in gaming? Who knows, but I know Papo & Yo wasn't the game that did anything effective with that theme.
And while I rarely recommend a game I think is bad, but I do think if you're one of those people that loves arguing for gaming as art you should probably f*cking play Papo & Yo. Because I find it pretty f*cking lame that last year a game like this was completely never talked about, but Mass Effect 3s ending caused a riot, shit storms, death threats, and a potential law suit. So instead of buying just another Gears of War, or another God of War you should give this a try when it's on a nice steam deal. Otherwise the game is bad. And that's a shame.Heavy Theme, Bad Game out of 10
But you should totally play some Sound Shapes if you can get that on a nice deal for your PS3 or your Vita if you bought that thing. It's a little too short, but it's fun as hell and the music is catchy. And if you are one of those people who loves user generated stuff and making levels? Definitely get it. Some of the people making levels on that game are f*cking awesome.
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27Apr 13
Let it be known, and let it be said. If Big L did not die, and I'm basing this entirely on one album with LifestyIes ov da poor & Dangerous; He would have been one of the top 3 rappers of all time. That's right Tomas Towers and Illmatic. Top 3. I didn't stutter when I said that.
Oh and he would be above Tupac, get salty.NBA Playoffs
I'm sorry are we really pretending there is another option? I mean I probably much rather see Spurs vs Heat, but considering how patchwork the Spurs are and how fast OKC is, it's gonna be thunder vs Heat.
Someone just give the crown already to King James, because I'm with sir charles on this one. This is gonna be the most boring playoff run in a long ass time.Hipster Indie Shit
I think my next run of games while I'm on a break from Ninja Gaiden 2(still plugging away at mentor) is gonna be a run of all the indie games I bought on Steam/XBLA/PSN and new stuff I'll be adding like Guacamelee(THEY F*CKING MADE LUCHADOR METROID...that's awesome on pure concept, I hope it's racist). And because I just have a way with words I call all indie games(read ALL indie games, and the vast majority of downloadable games): Hipster Indie Shit.
Mostly just been f*cking around with most of them, and not really commiting to anyone of them so some quick thoughts.
Dust An Elysian Tail: Furry as f*ck, but kind of impressive considering one neogaf poster made the game. Art work is cool beyond it being a furry fest, and the combat is fun enough if entirely shallow. So far really decent, but nothing more.
The Dishwasher: Vampire Smiles: This game is my shit. I love me some hack n slash/beat em ups, and this game is right up my alley with al the over the top violence, visual styIe, and raw nature of the entire playtime. It's visceral and violent in ways most good indie games just aren't. Most of the violent ones(like shank) are usually pretty crap territory.
Sound Shapes: F*cking awesome. Rhythm games aren't my thing, was never really into Guiter Hero or Rock Band(although it would probably crack my top 10 from 2007), and platformers? well they usually are. So we have both, turn the coins/collectibles on a level into music notes that has an effect on the back ground music? And make that sh1t catchy? and make the platforming itself entirely rhythmic with that music? That's some clever shit.Superbrothers: Apparently I should play this on a tablet, but I don't have a tablet. So mouse and keyboard it is.
Anyway while my naming for this genre/group of games might be considered insulting(way to white knight inanimate objects you f**muffin); but I really enjoy a lot of these downloadable games these days more than the triple A outings. Stuff like Super Meat Boy, Braid, World of Goo, and SpaceChem are probably somwehere in my top 10/top 15 games of this gen. Even if most of the best indie stuff is puzzle games.
The worst stuff? Oh it's Dear Esther. That game is the Mafia 2 of downloadable games. F*ck that nonsense.Man of Steel
This movie better not suck. For the uneducated I only really like two Superheroes: Batman and Superman, everyone else can usually f*ck off. I kind of like the xmen, I enjoyed Justice League, but if it came down to it I really do only like Batman and Superman.
I think I mentioned how I hate Peter Parker and Spiderman, because he's such a massive little bitch, but he can climb walls so he should stop crying. The go to defense there is always "but I can relate to him"...besides the fact that you relate to a pusscake, to me a Superhero shouldn't be something I want to relate to.
I have no desire to relate to Superman, to me his appeal is entirely on how powerful he is. Maybe I'm still looking at this like a kid, but I want to be in awe of a Superhero, he needs to be something I'm not. I mean that's a pretty daunting task for most superheroes, because I'm royally f*cking awesome and devoid of character defects, but hey if the bar is set higher, you just gotta reach higher now. True Story.
Where was I going with this? Right, this movie better not suck. Superman's movie outings are usually what I would call: horse shit. And that's pretty impressive, because you know how many bad superhero movies there are? Like a billion: Thor, The Hulk Movies, Spiderman 3 and 4, Dark Knight Rises, The Ironman movies(take RDJ out of those movies and what's good about them? Nothing else? exactly why they are shit), f*cking Captain America, Blade?, everything about The Avengers that wasn't the action and Robert Downey Jr.
And somehow Superman had the shittiest movies with stuff like Superman Returns, thanks Clark you douche. Try not to suck this time. Oh and if you're wondering: yeah I full on expect this movie to collapse in itself more because Snyder's slo-mo goes from being really cool at first, to nausiating by the halfway mark. Plus this movie is gonna be long? Ugh
I haven't been watching a lot of movies in awhile, but figured I'd start catching up on stuff on my movie backlog and my netflix Q(it's pretty f*cking big). So I went with Hotel Rwanda, because that's like Liquid's favorite movie from the previous decade. So naturally I had to see how f*cking gay it was, and surprisingly not gay. A little overkill with the whole fire of the human spirit shit at times, but mostly just sad as f*ck at times. I was entertained. Don't really like Don Cheadle, but he was pretty f*cking awesome on this flick. Liz really liked it, so in like a week, I'm gonna commit to the idea that the movie was hot garbage.
Because those are my duties as the Superior half in this relationship. True Story.
^only picked her because of that gif, and she's lesbian?
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24Apr 13
http://www.gufuyourself.com/2013/04/22/review-bioshock-infinite-pc-ps3-xbox-360/
Oh and I finally finished up that Bioshock Infinite review. But seriously would wreck senseless -
17Apr 13
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr3dJxeT4oA
Warrior done, onto Mentor
Yep more f*cking Ninja Gaiden 2. Warrior is done, and now I'm moving on to Mentor. Why? Because b1tch ass, sh1tty ass, punk ass, annoying ass, loser ass, hasbro of a friend aljosa challenges my pride to keep going. So I keep going and move on to Mentor. F*CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCK. I think I know how this ends and this takes me down the darkest of darkest paths of actually trying to Master Ninja Ninja Gaiden 2 as well.
When I Master Ninja'd Ninja Gaiden Black way back in 2005? I think I definitely went through at least 6 controllers because back then I knew the Xbox could take me fast balling that god damn controller right at it. Nowadays my routine is to get really angry, and eventually walk away since....f*ck paying for all that sh1t again you know? The point is I do not like how this is going, but I will keep going. Because the game has had me turned the f*ck on.
I'm 7 chapters done with Mentor(half way mark) so I might take a break for now, and actually retry Bayonetta. I went through the game like 6 times in 2010 and auto declared it best hack n slash of the gen BY FAR AND AWAY, but now I might want to reconsider. So gonna be replaying some Bayonetta.
Either way I don't see me doing any new stuff for a few weeks, if not a month or 2 until The Last of Us.
Also means that I want to replay some Ninja Gaiden Black this summer my favorite hack n slash ever. Last summer I went through Resident Evil 4 probably my 1 or 1A for favorite game ever next to Metroid Prime. I figured hey now is a good a time as any to see how well NGB still stacks up. What can I say I feel mighty inspired to conquer some of the more badass games of the past decade. Go me.
Will have to fit it into my summer tradition of being drunk for 100% of the summer, rewatching The Wire, and making sure I see The Godfather, The Lion King, and 40 Year Old Virgin at least once(because those are my 3 favorite movies).
Oh yeah next level bro.JUSTICE LEAGUE
So when I'm not getting my ass handed to me in Ninja Gaiden, or dealing with the boredom of work, or tolerating Liz's Lizatery I been watching some Justice League because they put it on Netflix. Now I'm not into comics all that much, but super hero cartoons were the sh1t to me as a kid. And Bruce Timm was like top of the god damn mountain in terms of that stuff.
It's probably why I still universally like all the DC guys more than the Marvel characters(mostly because marvel characters are usually gay like Spiderman). So yeah definitely been enjoying some Nostalgia trip here. Although...why the f*ck is Superman even on a team, because it feels wrong that someone that powerful even needs help...at all.
Batman is f*cking gangsta as well. Would love Rocksteady to take their hand at some of these other DC characters in a videogame.Bioshock Infinite Final Thoughs
So I guess I was gonna write a review on this, but given how f*cking busy I get, and how much I would rather actually do other stuff I guess been slacking. So here are my final thoughts.
Bioshock Infinite isn't as deep as it could be, or as concise as it needs to be to be truly effective. It doesn't live up to all the ambitions it showed in its many previews before it released. What it does succeed at is showing you that there is still some wonder and excitement to be found in the triple A blockbuster that most big budget titles rarely deliver on. And for that it makes it an experience worth playing, warts and all.
That's really all this is. THe combat is fun for a manshooter. I genuinely enjoy the way it makes me feel powerful, and when the set pieces are at their best it's with those sky hooks and large enemy counts. You'll be moving all over the map, and alternating between your powers or setting up traps in between taking shots. As easy and simplified as it is compared to SS2, as a pure action game it has enough in terms of options among powers to feel really strong. With the right upgrades the game becomes too much of a cake walk though.
Elizabeth is a giant get out of jail free card. She gets you out of losing health, she gets you out of running out of ammo, and she gets you out of running out of magic(salt whatever), on top of that deaths don't matter like the original Bioshock. It's not anywhere near as ambitious as it wanted to be when they showed it at E3 2011, and honestly I got over it.
As much as this is very much a triple A blockbuster action game in the most unflattering of ways it's not as soulless as Call of Duty or Battlefield or Halo 4, it's not gutless the way a Bungie game feels, it's not full of itself with Levine Bullsh1t the way a Rockstar game is filled with Rockstar Bullsh1t, it's not a derpfest the way an Ubisoft game plays out like. It's got more personality on its own, it tries to actually do more in some cases with its narrative, and yeah it falls flat on its face a lot. Like it is pretty much ungraceful bitch trying to balance way too many things.
But that's what I like about the game is that it tries. It tries to be better, it tries to do more interesting things if only on the story side of things, and as a pure manshooter it handles all the basics and makes it fun. For that its a good game for reminding me maybe the triple A shooter isn't an uninspired good looking piece of worthless nonsense all the time.
It looks like I can save that label for say something like Metro: Last Light
Seriously the original game made its hey on being an accessible alternative to Stalker or Cryostasis, or as I would put it Stalker for little girls. But this new one is entirely hell bent on being a good looking by the book corridor bullsh1t, and is flaunting it like its the next best thing since slice bread. I damn near fall into a f*cking coma just looking at pictures, the gameplay? Damn near flatline from sheer boredom.Well that's a really it for the day. I'mma take a dump now. Later.
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12Apr 13
So I beat the game on Path of the Acolyte or Ninja Dog for NGB vets, or lets be honest here: Little B1tch mode. Because I was not up to snuff with the mid sections of this game on Warrior. I didn't have the patience for it, and if I remember right that's why I quit the first time I played this game. This time I toned it down to a difficulty I found more appropriate. Which really would be the equivalent of say the normal or say hard mode of other action games(Yes Ninja Gaiden can be that rough or im making excuses, take your pick). So holy f*ck is the final stretch of this game relentless?
Acolyte makes the not so flattering stuff about NG2 tolerable. The cheapness and lack of balance is offset by the more prominent health items(of which I REFUSE to use outside of boss fights since NG1), the cheaper karma prices for items and upgrades, and in general enemies do not spam their unblockable grab moves as awesome. It makes those off camera attacks less infuriating. Also health regen is pretty much a get out of jail free card in a game like NG.
You see in Warrior that red bar can get pretty deep into your health bar(meaning only part of it regens). On Little B1tch mode? it takes a bit of a beating before it gets that far in. Certain parts were tedious, other parts were just rough, and I HATED any time I had to use a bow and arrow ESPECIALLY ON A BOSS FIGHT. Especially on the 2nd to last boss fight. He was literally my most difficult segment of the game.
On the other hand the game was so f*cking good, that I'm thinking about going another round. I already got myself back up to Chapter 7 of Path of the Warrior, and I'm off all weekend so I might go another go and beat it on the actual game mode.
As for beating it on Mentor or heaven forbid Master Ninja? F*CK THAT NONSENSE. My ego, my anger, my blood pressure, and my woman will not tolerate the crazy person this game creates. To anyone who can beat these games on the higher difficulties? F*cking respect, especially NG2. I mean NGB was pretty f*cking hard, and that game was fair. NG2 seems d1ck most of the time.
Itagaki be a f*cking troll. A COOKIE FACED TROLL....yeah the exploding Armadillo still bothers me that much even on a second playthrough....ugh the part where you fight two of them sucks so much. It's like the boss fight isn't even those 2 exploding fat f*cks, the boss fight is the camera itself. Like Itagaki is making some rich commentary on the cameras of action games or something. SO UNCALLED FOR
Either way playing it on wuss mode did at the least make me rethink my stance on the game. It may not live up to Ninja Gaiden Blacks overall balance, pacing, encounter design, or boss fights, but it's pure action bliss man when it's working fine. I mean the first 5-6 chapters, and then like Chapter 11-13: and a good majority of chapter 14 is some of the best action gaming ever f*cking made. I mean holy f*ck was I hyped most of the early stretch of this game.
I think I might take some long extensive breaks from games if I don't want to go further in NG2 on Warrior. I definitely need one. Tax season is officially over, I get some more hours to myself, and I think I might be dialing back my CCfactory schedule as well during the summer.
Either way what the f*ck have you been playing? you liking it yet? -
8Apr 13
So when I get done with games I really like(Bioshock Infinite) the follow up game is gonna bore me usually. Now maybe it's because I'm just one of those people that needs extensive breaks from games or because I always picked the wrong ones. I mean I think I followed up Binary Domain(game is so much fun, you should play it) with Dear Esther. Which was hipster bullsh1t that could only entertain you if you are the single most boring person on the planet.
So I went with Ninja Gaiden 2 as my follow up to Bioshock Infinite. Why? Because
A: I never went through the trouble of finishing it(even though NGB would be #3 on my all time greatest games list)
B: Because I know there is no way the combat for that game can bore me.
Seriously very few games get me hyped the way Ninja Gaiden 2 does. I MEAN F*CK WHERE IS YOUR HEAD AT B!!!!!!!!!. WHERE IS YOUR HEAD AT N****. YOU MAD? GET ON MY LEVEL SPIDER NINJA...and then there is the rage inducing nature of the design.
NG2 isn't polished or balanced. Itagaki clearly rushed the game and stopped working on it when Tecmo wouldn't pay him. And do you blame him? no. But it is a little disappointing knowing that this game should have been one of the all time greats, and not just a really good game from 2008.
That's not the point. The point is though even with NG2s obvious misfires the game feels so f*cking good that I just do not care. You see while Infinite puts all of its substance into its narrative, and lets the game design live on pure flash(still a good game, but a great one? No). NG2 wants the substance to be their in game, because Master Ninja Itagaki is just that. A f*cking gangsta, and not a pusscake.
And that's what I love about NG2. Gameplay is brutally satisfying, the challenge when it's fair is a rewarding experience that very few games can live up to. Plus the games me hyped as f*ck.
Seriously killing people in this game turns me on so much. I played 3 beat em ups this year.
Metal Gear Rising Revengeance(Good), DmC(okay), and Anarchy Reigns(okayish) and none of them got me hyped the way NG2 is.
Edit: Oh and why not just play Sigma 2? Because it's Playstation 3? No, because it's the pussified version.
It's not that it fixes the game. It's that it tames NG2 down to make it playable and stable. Does that it make it the more functional game? sure, does it make it the more accessible and less frustrating game? sure. Does it make it the NG2 Itagaki made? No. It makes it a neutered version of it, and I'm not for playing a neutered version of an Itagaki game.
So NG2 it is. Flawed camera, horrid balance, and exploding bullsh1t boss fight from hell warts and all.
Oh and suck a d1ck Aljosa. Ninja Gaiden Black would be the single greatest action game of all time if Resident Evil 4 didn't exist. Get out with your lies that 2 is superior to Black. That is blasphemy territory.
http://www.gamespot.com/features/how-bruce-willis-saved-tomonobu-itagaki-dice-2012-6350185/^you all should watch that for Itagaki.
Also...I would f*ck the sh1t out of Kelly Clarkson
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HEValZuFYRU
Judge away gents.
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2Apr 13
What a load of nonsense. Who the f*ck gave this dude a record deal? What purpose does this album even serve society beyond being a coma inducer?
Like I hate on some rappers pretty hard. Like MFDoom is a boring ass pleb, Kanye is an overrated sack of trash who hasn't had an album worth listening to since Late Registration(i take back my random enjoyment of dark twisted fantasy), Cannibus is a lyricist with no charisma, and Lupe Fiasco is like rap for hipster douches.
But this douche nozzle blu could not possibly be more boring. Like he is literally your 10 least favorite rappers combined worth of awfulness. I mean holy f*ck I've never been so bored listening to a dude with such a dull ass flow. This album gets brought up as one of the 10/15 best rap albums of the previous decade? THAT? REALLY? I hope you get herpes for enjoying that nonsense.
I'mma go listen to some Paid in Full -
29Mar 13
Pretty f*cking dope, just finished it. Holy crap did my mind get raped.
Gonna go for round 2.
Not ready to call it "great" just yet. After all unlike you people when I call something great that game is actually legit great, because I have this crazy thing called actual standard and I'm right all the time as I am your Beacon of Truth. Plus I'm a firm believer in the concept that replayability actually matters. If something is truly great in terms of a videogame, movie, tv show, book, then it should be something you can easily go back to over and over again.
So let it be known that it speaks volumes that I want to actually replay it right away, because most games make me feel like "Yeah I don't wanna do this again, I'm gonna move on with my life". Even games that are "built to be replayable" like Dishonored. To me it was a really good one and done that I might consider going back to later down the road. Infinite? definitely want to see how well it holds up on a second playthrough. If it does? Ken Levine has made his best game since System Shock 2. If not? at the least still better than Bioshock 1.
Either way Bioshock Infinite fixes enough of the gameplay from Bioshock 1 that you all should give it a go. It may not nearly come close to the ambition they showed originally with those older E3 demos, but on a purely gameplay level it's what Bioshock 1 should have been like if the actual action part of the game was good. Plus it looks really f*cking good. Seriously it's worth the price of admission. YOU GET TO SHOOT CROWS AT PEOPLE. -
23Mar 13
So quick time kill I used my reward points with Visa to get Heart of the Swarm, because while not being the biggest RTS fan Starcraft 2 is pretty f*cking dope, and Company of Heroes 2 isn't out yet.
So I was all oh man I should install Starcraft 2. Now because Blizzard hates my beautiful world where all I use is Steam I gotta use their battle.net nonsense, and of course my account is now hacked for the 2nd time. Now the last time I launched a Blizzard game is probably Diablo 3 for a grand total of 2 minutes in like maybe Januaray or like a few months before that.So explain to me how in a game I've played for maybe 45 minutes tops on my own I've had my account hacked twice? Like it's bad enough that I've paid 60 bucks for that game, and I only played like 45 minutes of it thinking GUFUf*** would play that game with me, and completely disregarded that I think actually playing Diablo is boring as f*ck(seriously click click click how unexciting is your life that nonsense like that is enjoyable?). I mean there is really no actual reason I should have bought this game. It is the epitome of sh1t I would never enjoy. Birds fly, fish swim, and I clearly think loot games are nonsense.
Like I understand that I deserve some punishment for my lack of prudent decision making with my money, but 2 hacks for 45 minutes? Come on now.
Blizzard suck less please. Bungie would not have f*cked this up. Bungie. They are talentless doucheapes with no reedeming quality what so ever, and they don't do this nonsense. Step up Blizzard. Now I gotta watch porn instead.
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19Mar 13
ISN'T THIS MUSIC JUST AMAZING?
Makes me wanna get up and dance and stuff, say things like darn tootin..Sadly the one in Bayshore(which is the godly one that I used to go to) has closed down. It's not just that the other store is further away as I've also eaten at that place and it's not as good as the original place was. Which is disappointing that a beautiful BBQ place like that is no more : (
ANyway I think Imma talk Sports, because hey Sports>whatever lame punk ass sh1t you plebs
Also Pusscake is like my new favorite word. It's technically a bobbles creation from the sports forum, and it's perfect. Like really ask yourself what better word to describe someone being a such a massive p*ssy. I mean you could say p*ssy but it lacks that raw fire that comes with saying the following sentence "Blake Griffen is the biggest f*cking pusscake in the NBA, and would be in all of sports if it wasn't for Manny Pacquio" See it just has more fire to it.
Stay Salty Jason Terry
Now that picture is a symbol of a lot of things. For starters it's further proof that there are no bigger pusscakes in terms of sports fans than those found in the New England area specifically the state of Massachussets. Now as a New Yorker some of you might say I have a bias due to me living in the vastly superior New York, and having to be on one side of on the grandest rivalries in all of sports(Yankees vs Red Sox). But again it's not my fault that the Yankees are the greatest baseball franchise ever, and that you were born in the sh1thole that isn't New York.
Plus the Knicks are wack, so it's not like we aren't human. We're just better than all of you. Especially all of New England. But that's not the point here. The point here is that The Miami Heat are on a 23 game winning streak, and I say they got a pretty good shot at 33 if they get by the Spurs. The east is pretty much locked and loaded for the Heat.
Who is their competition in the east? The Knicks are banged up and sloppy, the Pacers lack the pieces necessary to compete in a 7 game series, the Celtics are older than The Land Before Time, I don't buy the bulls or nets. At this point I say it's gonna be Heat vs SPurs.
I'm not the biggest fan of Duncan Donuts, but hey I don't buy Durant and company winning it. Russel my Westbrooks might be nasty, but eh something about him makes me think they aren't gonna make it rain come playoff time. Also Blake Griffen is the biggest pusscake among all stars in the NBA. Why is it that any time I see this dude play he flops like a b1tch on a routine basis? But then acts like such a badass for some dunk like he didn't just flop like a god damn soccer player.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ak7c1NTUNs
^I would link that, but gamespots lame ass hyperlinks don't work. God this site is run by people worse than Justin at creating websites
Also that shouldn't be a technical foul. He should be allowed to put that punk in his place.
NHL I'm TRYING
I told myself this is the year I would get into Hockey, and so far kind of still struggling to get into. IM TRYING SNIPES I SWEAR!!
I remember playing roller hockey and enjoying it(I can't ice skate for sh1t), and watching it live with friends is fun. On TV kind of get lost I guess? I don't know maybe I need the Rangers to get good to be invested, but I do know that on pure eye ball I think the Rangers have some lame ass D. They play kind of soft at times. I might be wrong with that assessment, but whatevs.
Playoff Hockey I can get into. Because hey games actually matter come playoff time. Eitherway thank christ lame ass Chicago finally lost. Because eww chicago.
Dear Soccer Players
As a pure blooded obnoxious American I haven't really gotten into soccer all that much. Largely because Team USA sucks(and I'm a firm believer if you aren't invested in a team or at least a player you aren't getting anything out of the sport) and because MLS is like watching college football, college basketball, etc. It's not that the game can't be exciting, it's that the general play is just so amateur territory vs the real deal(NFL, NBA, and in soccers case FIFA).
What I am not enjoying anytime I watch Soccer is the raw pusscaketry of the players. You see those 2 gifs? I like those 2 gifs because the dude isn't a diving little b1tch. Maybe it's like when you non americans only notice the commercials during Football games that I'm only noticing the excessive diving and not the truly impressive athletes on the field, but f*ck does the diving ruin a lot for me.
Now I'm starting to see this sh1t in the NFL with the faking of injuries, in the NBA you have Blake Griffen being King of all pusscakes with his flopping(nevermind that he's a pretty dirty player to boot), and the "world's most beautiful sport" according to the countless gufuf**s who hopped on the Soccer loving bandwagon is filled with divers to me.
At least in the NFL I understand that they are getting hit, the high injury risks in that sport, and the fact that they don't have guarnteed contracts(Fun fact: The NFL while being the most lucarative sports organization on the planet has the worst contracts for their athletes). But soccer players? You play on such a grand stage and then do this to me. Be more like the guy on the gifs, He's a badass. I like him.
MAYWEATHER vs PACMAN
Now I probably have a pretty impressive list of modern day athletes who are wildly overrated and given far too much credit, and probably my number 1 pick would be Manny Pacquio. It's not that I don't think he wouldn't have given Mayweather an impressive fight; It's the part where there is no doubt in my mind that on any given day in their lives Mayweather would, should, and will win.
Pac brings a few positives in this fight. He is a south paw thus giving him a matchup edge as Mayweather has historically been his most vulernable to lefties, and he has raw strength over Mayweather. Outside of that he has NOTHING on Mayweather. Mayweather is a more sound boxer when it came to straight up technique, he's far more patient as a boxer, and his defense is legendary at this point. Yeah I get that some people love pointout out that Mayweather has ducked this fight, but so has Pac. I don't wanna take this test, I don't want this, I don't want that, I think I should command this much, blah blah blah blah.
It mystifies me how Pac gets overlooked for his b1tch ass attitude(yes well aware Mayweather is just as responsible), but Mayweather gets hated on if he so much as says something that might be pansy. I mean I get that the world hates obnoxious arrogant people. But it's only cocky if you can't back it up, and ladies and gentlemen Mayweather has done nothing but back it up in the ring. Pac has been put on his ass by guys that got absolutely worked by Mayweather.
Now I know I'm way late on this, and the fight of the century is more like a great fight, but nowhere near the ALi vs Frazier stuff, but can we get this done already. I just want the proper vindication that is Mayweather would whip Pacman's ass when it comes down to it. I don't want another Marquez vs Pac, or bardley. Or Mayweathers yearly tradition of rocking someone in May. Just get me this fight already so we can move on to less impressive boxing matches
Or Andre Ward listens to my man Aljosa, loses 20 pounds, and we get a real badass fight featuring Mayweather and someone else. A little young, a little raw, but a whole lot of fire that pacman just never brings.
Oh My Yankees
I'm not too happy looking at the Yankees starting lineup. They obviously have some competent hitters(Robby Cano don't you know), but man is it lacking some of the raw power that you get used to from the Yankees(and really any primetime AL team). The pitching rotation looks fantastic, but this Major League Basbeall. They are bound to lose somebody, and if it's a CC then we have some serious issues.
Normally I always say the Yankees are a threat until eliminated, but I'd say this year they aren't much of a threat. Tis gonna be a long year for the Evil Empire. For shame : (
I would comment on the NFL, but as we know I love that sport. So I actually know a lot more when talking NFL, and thus have a lot more to say with my thoughts on free agency. So maybe another blog until then MAD MEN IN A FEW WEEKS \o/
Yay Joan
Oh and I'm gonna start the new Devil May Cry since I have no real desire to play anything else on my backlog. Cheers fellas. -
8Mar 13
Renegade
I love the Styx Renegade as well, but let it be known and let it be said this is the greatest piece of music called Renegade.
Still busy as f*ck, and it's been a slow couple of weeks yo. THis is like the worst stretch of the sports year. The NFL Free agency/draft hasn't started yet, we're in the boring period of the NBA season, Baseball isn't even at spring training, Hockey is in the same situation as the NBA in that it's mid season lameness stuff. Plus Chicago is killing it. That's right Chicago: aka the lamest city in America.
On the plus side if you are like me and watch Television Justified is killing it in the last few weeks, and you should do yourself a favor and catch up on The Americans.
A: I would f*ck Kerri Russel
B: The last few episodes have been splendid
Oh and totally uncalled for c*nt move against society by my lesser half: So Liz loves pointing out that I'm 2 months away from reaching a pretty nasty milestone in age. Now I was born in 1988. Now you can double check the math all you want, get a calculator, and count on your fingers. But I know that come May 31st of 2013 I'm gonna tell people I'm 23.
So clearly I like deny anything that reminds me of how I old I am. Her go to bullsh1t move was telling me I have crow's feet which is just mean as f*ck, but I've heard that enough to know that I don't have crow's feet. This demon hell spawn b1tch implied some of the meanest sh1t ever the other day. She actually told me I had a gray hair on my head. A GRAY HAIR? ME? So naturally I ran to a f*cking mirror because that's not a plausible scenario.
Queen Stupid B1tch proceed laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh. To all the single people out there don't get into relationships. You get no respect after awhile.STUFF
MRTREY reviews The MasterJustin b1tches about Real Racing 3 when he should have known that racing games are boring by default
Phillip reviews Metal Gear Rising RevengeanceNow Obviously if this was about my opinions I'd tell you that Phil is too damn forgiving to Revengeance, but we'll get to that.
PAY TO WIN OR CUT THE BULLSH1T?
The National Pusscake Society of America or THE NPSA or Gamers to some people have gotten more consistently outspoken against a lot of these F2P win games, and of course I have my own take on some thing. Now I am well aware there are sh1tty models, but I bring this up to be compared to DLC. Too much crying about DLC has usually overlooked good DLC over the years.
So I'm gonna stand up for a F2P games that I think do it in a manner that isn't insulting. SO far it's shown up in F2P MP shooters like Planetside 2 or Tribes Ascend. The skill ceiling in these games and the mechanics reward a players abilities at a FPS more so than what gear he has, and the starting gear is more than competent to make you competitive. Especially considering the team centric nature of those games. But the constant b1tching about "oh well you're at a disadvantage if you don't buy x sh1t".
See if this was a bunch of Unreal or Halo or Counterstrike fans commenting on this type of sh1t I'd agree to an extent. But this comes from Battefield butt f*ckers, Call of Duty twits, and people who love hats and sh1t from Team Fortress 2(which Oh by the way I think is the best mp shooter of the gen BY FAR AND AWAY NO COMPETITION NEED APPLY). Your entire games in their current format is all about what your character is rocking, and less about your actual ability.
Instead of paying money, you pay with your f*cking time to unlock the balancing crippling weapons/perks that will make your competitive with the losers with no life. Tribes cuts that BS and says I can play the game without ever spending a dime, or I can spend like 10 bucks and get a quick fix gun and a perk. Boom. I still spend way less money than I would have on a 60 dollar retail FPS that is only good for its multiplayer in the first place. Without having to suffer through the filler weapons I have no need for.
I mean seriously Halo 4? A carbine? what pusscake uses the carbine in Halo? Get real please.
Oh and because I always am prepared for the rebuttal
You Idiots Who Don't Know Nothing About Nothing: What about the campaign Champ?
Me: What about it? it sucks d1ck, and you probably suck d1ck if you enjoyed it
YIWDKNAN: What about THE GRAPHICS
Me: Oh man thank god we're still judging a games merits on how it looks. THANK F*CKING GOD FOR THAT....go swallow cum.
Too long didn't read: I'd much rather play a F2P game like Tribes Ascend, buy my Spinfuser, and have a blast than ever take my chances with another Battlefield and wait it out till I'm like level 17-20something before I have enough gear to actually be competitive with the losers. That's just my take. I don't like anything that wastes my time.
I have no f*cking idea what is actually going on in that picture, but I like what it says. The most recent lame counter argument of all time next to "well I like it" or "well if these people say it's awesome, it must be good" is the up and coming "well if you think too much about it"....see I hate this defense.
If I have to shut my brain off, if I have to analyze it for it to be great then it isn't great. If I have to do that for it to be good; it's not good. It's that simple.
Resident Evil 4 I can analyze and over think all I want and it will still be the greatest game ever.
Halo Reach's multiplayer I can over analyze all I want and it will still be a good multiplayer game.
Maybe it's because I'm a sports oriented person in a lot of ways that I judge things the way I do with you know: The Truth, but what's with the pussification for the standards for greatness? If I hold something to a bar it's because I have a very high standard for what I'm gonna call great. It's not like I'm incapable of seeing something for being decent/solid/good. I have no problem enjoying the likes of Fire Emblem, Fez, or the likes of Mass Effect 2.
But if we're discussing the greatness of something, and I don't think it's great I'm gonna justify it, because lord knows I'm right all the time. If you enjoy something I call not great or worse sh1t stains like a BUngie game? more power to you. You enjoy nonsense, I don't. It's that simple.
Now I'm not saying that it isn't possible for someone to over analyze something too far, but as we all know I don't do that. I am after all The Beacon of Truth, not the Beacon of Hyperbole or Overanlyzing. Sadly it's the price one pays for being right all the time. True Story.ENDING
Um that's it for now, I went back through some of my old blogs and saw that I actually had one with questions at the end like the good ol days, so I'll probably go look those up and do a blog or two on those topics, but for now I'm kind of lazy still. At the least I will use a wench from one of those as well as an internet attention whore Justin found(TheGame21x).
Of course Liquid picks a broad who's like one photoshop pic after another
But luckily Justin provided us with gifs, and gotta love slutty people
Oh and because some soul in this world made sure that when he became a stalker he got all the detials. SHe's bi.
#would
I'm out, but for those of you that live in New York, and going to beerfest tomorrow, I WILL BE THERE AS WELL. Drink up and enjoy the weekend my liver is ready. -
25Feb 13
Stairway to Heaven
Your beacon of truth is here, and as usual I aim to please. Because you see I am a man of the people, and I have heard your many many complaints(because f*ck all you people ever do is complain about something).
Champ you've mad me laugh, cry, filled my life with joy, turned me own, made me orgasm, and all that good stuff, but you never put me to sleep. You have never put in your champ trademark to actually bore me to death. I have literally been entertained in every possible way by your ingenious way of doing things, but you have never gone that extra mile to bore me.
THat ends to today, because I have PODCASTS
Podcast #1 where we talk the entire Sony Conference
Trust me you having trouble sleeping? Listen to that asap.
If you make it through that? I have the podcast that came before that I didn't pimp out, because I was lazy about some of our hopes, wishes, and the lameness of GearboxNot bored yet?
Fire Emblem Awakening Review of where I give it a 7Darklink Reviewing Journey
Me being late on my comments about Shadows of the DamnedNow at this point you've already fallen into a deep sleep so I can just end my blog here, but for now I am going to also respond to the biggest complaint by Dystopian
Dystopian: Champ, my Champion of Truth, My beacon of greatness, my lord of excellence. When will you upload broads who are jailbait, and thus more appropriate for my taste. Also can she duckface? please?
I got you Dyst, I got you
Anyway I know I've actually been stalling like hell in terms of actually writing something consistently fun that isn't just me hating on something, but nothing's really striking my fancy just yet. But when I do I will make up for all this filler. Anyway peace.
And yes I'm fully aware I'm speaking to myself at this point as 100% of you come here to see what broad I put at the end of the blog. -
22Feb 13
Hold on gotta get some things out of the way.
:An eloquent serenada of fiery ice. I would argue I have bested A Song of Fire and Ice under your terms.Golden Age of television? Laughable. Television is as **** as films, it's just that normally you'd expect films to be better, so television comes out smelling all rosy.
I couldn't respond to this how I wanted, so I'm gonna fix that nonsense right the f*ck now. For starters Thta just makes those books sound pretentious or full of themselves. A song fire and ice is just straight up gay So I would completely disagree with your assessment there.
The 2nd part? Pure crazy talk. The last 14 years gave us a sh1t load of amazing TV shows, you are on crack. Ridiculous, what would you know, I bet you listen to Lupe Fiasco. That's right Thomas Theodore Towers I'm saying you listen to Lupe Fiasco. You mad? yeah you mad.
Anyway It's f*cking tax season, and somehow I got tomorrow morning off as well because I did mad overtime last week so I'm gonna sleep all f*cking day until I want to go out later tonight. Gonna be so good. So I figured I'd kill some time with another one of these.
Oh what's that no comments on sony? I"m above that sh1t that's why. Actually I'm not above that sh1t I just podcasted with Justin and them for the site that I will use the Towers method of pimping out via blog posts on lamespot. Part of me hates myself for that sh1t, but hey I'll forgive me.
Anyway this show has no business being as funny as it is. Like I try not to laugh, but I do. I really do. It's pretty f*cking funny. It's like this cartoon thats got that Harvey Birdman, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Sealab brand of humor but with a super spy, and it's funny. I've been marathoning it in between The West Wing and I am totally entertained. You all should watch some Archer, because some of you are way too uptight and boring.
Maybe some of you lame trolls will get some superior trolling techniquesBUNGIE F*CKING SUCKS
Apparently I am not allowed to share my God's honest thoughts and TRUTHS about what Bungie actually is, because to some people(idiots) I must be, doing, or have one of the following
1- A hater
2- Throwing out hyperboles
3- Have ex-wife syndrome
So I have decided I will be politically correct here, and avoid anything that questions the lack of quality in Bungie games. You see as a man of the people I will not to go on some tangent about Bungie.
I will not discuss that they are a talentless company that made one FLUKY great single player game that was only great in 2001, I will not comment on how the yare some of the sh1ttiest story tellers by a videogame standard. I will not comment on how they have consistently shown their biggest weakness as a dev is that they are incompetent at level design. I will not point out how instead of now calling 343 a poor tribute band, I'd rather them just call them a Bungie clone as the two are at the exact same level. I will not even mention that their multiplayer games were either great more because of awesome game breaking glitches(Halo 2) or because of their community(Reach and Forge maps). I won't even mention the countless games in the action gaming genre that have released VASTLY superior games in the last f*cking decade.
I will avoid even mentioning that I wouldn't even call Bungie overrated, mostly because I feel the term overrated should be reserved for things that are good, but called great instead or amazing when they are merely competent/functional/good. Meaning Bungie is neither of those things, but in fact sh1t.
Instead I Will Link This
What do you think of this thing they call a game? And before you start I have no delusions of not purchasing it. I know my short coming as a person is I keep giving Bungie another chance.Anyway I'm gonna go to bed now, you all should play some Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance(especially you filthy, bottom feeding, cellar dweller, moronic, stupid, retarded, and up your ass dweebs who like Bungie) because that game is funderful. Buy it, rent it, pirate it, rape it for all I care. But you should find a way to play it as well.
Anyway since you all did a good job ruining Anna Kendrick for kiilts; I have decided for my fellow TDH poster I will also make sure you people ruin his G.O.A.T with Kate Beckinsale gifs.
I apologize for none of the shamelessness of what I post. I blame it all on booze and all the lameness you all present to society. I'm going to go take a wicked dump now. Peace. -
19Feb 13
Game of Thrones
Actually it's good. I got no beef with it. Funny story, true story my future brother in law when I go to New Zealand and bend his sister over: Frozenliquid hates the show. So when I was finally getting around to it again I figured maybe this time I'd pay attention. I've actually seen parts of the show sparingly and just never wanted to watch it, but as many of you know bashing a fanbase tends to entertain me, so Game of Thrones it was.
And then I remember the person hating on Game of Thrones is also the dude who really likes Spiderman 2. There is not a single bigger pusscake than Peter Parker/Spiderman in the history of entertainment and fiction. He is the biggest p*ssy in the history of p*ssy. Such a b1tch ass character that blows my mind how a grown up male can tolerate him. "bu bu i can relate to him" YOU RELATE TO A P*SSCAKE!!! that does not bother you?!?!?!?!?!?! You need a better role model
I mean I would never argue that Game of Thrones isn't typical geek porn in some aspects. I mean it's a f*cking fantasy universe based on a book called "A song of fire and ice". If I tried to come up with 10 names that were gayer than that I'd probably only come up with zero. It just SCREAMS something I would never want to read.
Bu bu champ you can't judge books by their cover. Lies, I totally can, and I will. I judge broads on how they present themselves to society. If a b1tch is messy I'm not gonna be sweating it. I mean I probably might still want to bend her over, but that's because allegedly according to Queen Stupid B1tch I'm a dog. Which is a ridiculous statement; I'm a f*cing angel.
ANYWAY: Show's good for what it is. If you go into this expecting Breaking Bad/Mad Men or The Wire/Deadwood status stuff than you were setting yourself up to be disappointed. It's like when people go into Lord of the Rings and expect The Godfather. ....the f*ck the plot is about some midget walking to a volcano? and you expect some high cIass drama? It's a spectacle, make peace with that already.
The one way I've been describing this show is how it matches up to say a Spartacus. If Spartacus is like 300 the tv show meets Gladiator, than the Gondor/Human side of Lord of the Rings was done by the people who did Gladiator or Troy. It's not just about the flash and fighting and spectacle. It's built up properly, you get the backstory behind the fight, and you get the backstabbing and screwing each other over one throne. It's some fun ass power struggle stuff to watch, and when they finally say okay lets have them all throw down it's awesome.
Blackwater the peniultimate episode of season 2 is probably some of the most fun TV you'll ever watch.
Plus I absolutely love how the show makes me HATE the Queen Cersei. SHE'S JUST SUCH AN EVIL B1TCH, and she's awesome for it. Her son? kind of a dweeb and insufferable, but that's the point? He's suppose to be this douche, and in the later seasons man he flexes the evil stuff nicely.
Robert is the sh1t because he's like the non pansy in his family(and the non stupid one I might add), Tywin is gangsta, man with no face is a BEAST, and tyrion and his asian looking chick are awesome.
THINGS I DO NOT LIKE ABOUT GAME OF THRONES
-Sean Bean Dies for like the Billionth time: Can he please just f*cking live through one thing? I swear to you I would hate Lord of the Rings 10 million times less if Borimir never died? Why? because unlike Aragorn he wouldn't have sang some stupid p*ssy ass song at the end of Return of the Massive Pusscake. And none of the other characters can carry some of the natural gravitas Sean Bean brings as a lead on this show.
Also if you seriously went DUDE SPOILER? F*CK YOU. Sean Bean dies in everything, and you feel like I spoiled something. What are you new to the world of entertainment? Birds fly, fish swim, and that mother f*cker is gonna die before it's all said and done.
-Daenerys Can't Act: Sometimes it's the writing, and other times it's just that b1tch can't act. Don't get me wrong I would still bend her over, but again allegedly I'm a dog. She does this annoying thing that Debra from Dexter does in that anytime she is trying to convey anger, it comes off like she's about to cry. That sh1t is aggrivating.
Certain Plot points: Other aspects of the show aren't gripping me
-Why is Jon Snow such a pusscake? I get that he's a bastard and all that jazz, but why is he such a pansy about it? This isn't Peter Parker tier(but who is? Aquaman is less of a p*ssy than he is).
-Why was the fight between Sean Bean and Jaimie Lannister cut so short? WHAT A BUZZKILL! such an underwhelming ending to a throwdown that took an entire season to happen, and then it ends so abruptly and cheap. I get that Jaimie isn't gonna die, and I get that Sean Bean can't just lose, but at least give me more of a fight than that?
-THose Horse people not bringing the reign to Kingfell: It's now left dragonb1tch to do all the acting on her side of the screen(lame), and it's robbed me of an awesome ass throwdown so far. I want justice.
-Sansa: I want to feel bad for her. I do feel bad for her. The sh1t joffrey does to her is cruel as f*ck, but then this b1tch has a chance to be saved, and SAYS NO.
So stupid. And finally
-THE GOLDEN AGE OF TELEVISION: if you spend enough time on a computer or reading stuff critics/entertainment "journalists" talk TV you know that they love labeling the current era of tv as the golden age of TV(totally justified if said era is the last 13-14 years). That label is always said kind of like this: In this golden age of television with the likes of Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Game of Thrones.....
Petty I know, but it bothers me a little bit. I mean Game of Thrones is fun tv, it's entertaining, it's good for what it is, but I mean come on? Friday Night Lights was still up when Game of Thrones joined us. Parks and Recreations exists. Community exists. It's not a better show than Justified or Sons of Anarchy or Boardwalk Empire or Curb Your Enthusiasm or the first season of Homeland. Again that's when you get into internet semantics about when something is "overrated" when that overlooks quality. But it bugs me.
The show is in that Battlestar Galactica territory that if you judge it by its plot it has glaring holes and issues left, right, and center that get constantly overlooked by a fanbase that are comprised of well...geeks, nerds, and people who don't go through the trouble of finding betters ways to describe a show without using the term "epic".
Does it make it bad? No it's got enough respect for its audience to not be foolish, the plot doesn't waste my time treading ground for more episodes than it should(The Walking Dead, Dexter, anything on Showtime ever), the spectacle when they want to flaunt it is properly built up, earned, and satisfying to watch, and it's got no real equivalent.
It's one of those shows that totally falls into a genre, but because of its setting/premise/styIe it's unlike any other show on the market and satisfies a certain itch. I mean this isn't like a fantasy videogame when there are hundreds of those awful things.
Anyway that's all I want to talk about. I also started watching Archer and The West Wing, will comment on those some other day. Didn't expect to write this much.Also I maintain that while I love Alicia Keys and that in my mind there is not a more beautiful woman on the planet than Charlize Theron(seriously from the neck up that woman is Goddess territory: would f*ck her senseless, actually f*ck that all of her, not just from the neck up. I Love all of Charlize Theron)) I really really really like Anna Kendrick.
bu bu she doesn't have....
#wouldbendherovereverything
No literally everything
over a table
a car
the kitchen
the dinner table
a tree
a stoop
a porch
A peninsula.
I don't even understand how that would work, it just sounded really cool to say. I'd bend her over a peninsula. Seriously would plow.
That is my contribution to all of you. Later.
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