Duffy: Save me from little white girls who think they have soul, and putting two black musicians in your back-up band does not give you any credibility. La Duffy is in heavy rotation on Fuse, MTV and VH-1, and I apologize for the crudeness, but just who did she do to achieve this? Singing through your nose has never been the standard for R&B.

Rhianna & Maroon 5: Rhianna is apparently destined to stay in sex-shop/S&M outfits. It's certainly one way to distract from the fact she has no talent. And this pairing is a perfect match: two singers who've yet to find their diaphragm. I will say this: for us girls (and some of the boys) it'd be nice if the males were scantily clad as well. Seems only fair. Also, does anyone besides me think the first synthesizer chord progression is ripped from Toccata on Fresh Aire III? Maybe I'm thinking of a track from Fresh Aire II.

Alicia Keys: Hate the song "Teenage Love Affair," and all the video does is remind me what horrible fashion and makeup the 80s deposited into our history.

Bret Michaels: Hot off season two of Rock of Love, Bret has released an album. VH-1 announced that it's available at their site as a free download until the album "drops." I'd just like to offer this theory: based on the first single, that's the only way they'll get any marketing statistics they can spin. Poison was about the extent of his talent, and most of those songs he probably didn't write. He's risen to his level as a hack reality star and nostalgia tour singer.

Britney Spears: She's finally found a video medium that I can stand watching -- animated. Now if she could just find a decent song so I could stand listening... .

Gavin DeGraw: I think it's a measure of your power in the industry who you can lure into your videos. With his first video he managed Shiri Appleby. Four or five years later, the best he can do is dreck from one of the most hated and criticized reality shows. Justin Timberlake had Scarlett Johansson, I think that speaks volumes. Gavin has also gone on record saying this CD is more "rocky" than the last one because of the feedback he got at his concerts. Dude, the addition of a discernible bass beat does not mean it's rock. Embrace that you are pop and deal.

Ashlee Simpson: Speaking of mislabeling, last week Simpson wed Pete Wentz, and all the press could say was that she was a rock singer. In what universe? She was never played on any of my local rock stations. It may be what she aspired to, but pop was all she achieved, and barely that. It reminds me of a group from Australia in the 90s (I can't, for the life of me, remember their name). The lead singer said their music had an "edgy element". Not so much in the US, where they were relegated to the adult easy-listening stations after their initial break into the Top 40 charts. He did have a rich fantasy life as I recall. He said the actress in one of their video shoots was really into him... she countered with a press release saying she barely remembered him.

And finally,

Leona Lewis: I'm going to blatantly and shamelessly (mostly) steal from Newbie. There's no way I could have come up with something that better expresses my feelings: Would she just bleed out already? Apparently she's being compared to Mariah Carey. Her range may be similar, but she lacks the lyrical lift to her notes. Perhaps her next song will be better. I haven't reached the point of hating her yet (I'm sure she's greatly relieved by this), but the new song will need to be much better and have much less repetition.

Blissfully Bad: I had a chocolate craving recently and indulged in some purchases. May I suggest that you not indulge in Hershey's Bliss. I had tasted a couple and knew something was wrong, but it wasn't clear what until, on a different day, I ate a piece right after one of Lindor's Extra Dark truffles (I mentioned the craving, right?). Granted, Lindor isn't the be-all and end-all of high-end chocolate. In fact, it's barely medium-end (there used to be this place just off of Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills that flew in truffles from Switzerland twice a week... now that was high-end and worth both the trip and the price). As usual, I digress, you all should be used to it by now . What Bliss tastes like is dry hot-cocoa mix. I'm quite serious. Even with a "liquid center," it tastes like sweetened cocoa with fillers. Could be the reason they were on sale… .

Weather Fortune: The other day I split a fortune cookie whose message was, "It is sunny today." It made me wonder. I mean, here in Southern California odds are good that this will be true, but think of Oregon, Washington, Alaska, heck, even Northern California. In some areas of the U.S. the odds reduce below 50%, and in winter to almost 0%. Do you think they regionalize (I may have just made up a word) things? Match the fortunes to the shipping destination?

A Cookbook? Oh! No.: Oprah Winfrey, not content with decimating the magazine trade – have you read her excuse for a magazine? It's high school "journalism" on crack. – has published a cookbook with recipes from, or inspired by, the magazine. Using the paragraphs she calls articles as a template, expect either the directions or ingredients to be missing from any one recipe.

Bad Moon Rising: I'm in the minority here when I say I wasn't impressed with Moonlight. It was the slickest production of the season, with enough money to pay for both original music that sounded top 40, and actual top 40 hits. I had a certain interest in how powerful Schumacher was in TV-world (not as powerful as he thought -- he was only able to work a reprieve through the writers' strike), so I doggedly tuned in every Friday. The casting was too pretty, and, bizarrely, there was more chemistry between Mick and his ex than with Beth -- probably the worst casting decision in the last five years. I'm sorry, the girl can't act her way out of a paper bag, and has a monotone drone. No expression at all. So here's the irony: the series finale showed true promise. If they'd gotten rid of about five filler episodes with Beth's live-in boyfriend, concentrated on balancing the vampire world with an actual whodunit, and, please god, never have cast Sophia Myles, the show might have had a chance. I certainly would have tuned in for a second and third season if the finale had been the traditional episode rather than the exception.

Cardiothoracic Psychiatric Surgeon: I have to say that if I were a patient of Dr. Mehmet Oz I would cancel my surgery and ask for a referral to a physician not at the beck and call of the Oh! herself. As I sit here writing this, a replay of today's episode of Oprah is playing in the background. Having foisted Dr. Phil and the evil he does into the daytime world, she's moved on to greener pastures. She's found another Ph.D. (god knows what it's in or where it's from, his books and bios conveniently leave that off) to dupe people with psychiatric diagnoses onto her program (does no one understand what HIPAA is, and that no matter the silver-tongue of the producer, you're protected even more from release of your medical information, especially psych and drug rehab?). This time she's lured people with OCD to a "camp" where they're given a combination of shock and behavior therapies. No doubt it was good for the participants, but these shows always make me nervous, and I still don't understand what a cardiothoracic surgeon adds to the mix; I see no place for a surgeon who can ask my replacement mitral valve if it's adequate to the task. My only other thought is that Dr. Oz should never ever again wear salmon pink. We are out of the 80s aren't we?

Try not to faint, I made it through without trashing a singer. Remember this moment of restraint, it may never happen again; I had some pithy comments about Duffy I'm barely hanging onto.

Ovation: I'm still in official mourning for IMF. Although Ovation is a wonderful channel (a little Elgar opera goes a long way when it's the only piece they seem to have rights for), I miss the drive time for the old channel. It ran music when Fuse turned to infomercials and was just the best alternative to VH-1

Special K Protein Water: This was advertised heavily after Christmas, but I hadn't seen one for a while. The other night it was back on the airwaves, and I just have to ask: Who came up with the name? Protein water makes me think of animal detritus pureed and then diluted - little bits of beef floating in fruit juice. I know full well it's protein powder dissolved in some fluid they've come up with, but the image remains. With all the focus groups out there and companies to whom you can pay extortion rates for pleasing brand names, couldn't they have thrown a few bucks that way?

John Mayer: I will never understand why such a gifted musician has chosen Adult Contemporary and Easy Listening as his genres.

Madonna: Could someone explain to me the costuming decision that put her in granny-style (at least from the back) tap pants in the new video with Justin Timberlake?

Jordin Sparks: She has blown apart my theory that the joke that are the final rounds of American Idol demonstrates either the stupidity of the masses or a collective intelligence far superior to Simon's in that they make him take the worst of the lot, reducing his profit margin because of the makeover and extreme marketing required to get even one of the winner's songs on the waves. At the very least I've been faced with a corollary that sheer blind luck means the masses screw up and vote in someone who can sustain a career at least every three years. I'll probably be proved wrong, and God knows I despised "Tattoo," but her current duet with Chris Brown displays a voice with depth and beautiful, clear tones.

Designing Women: I loved this show way back when, and I've been catching some of the reruns on TVLand; the show is not aging well. The costumes are already dated, and given today's edgier content it watches like a typical sitcom, which it wasn't during its own era. Even so, I think the editing to make it TV-G and time for commercials may be doing it a disservice. I'd swear Julia had more rants than I'm seeing.

My apologies to anyone who is offended by this, but it is categorized correctly in that it reflects my opinion at this snapshot in time.

A couple weeks ago I received an email from an acquaintance who had convinced me to give him my email address so I would get his updates during a planned horseback trip to complete the Pacific Crest Trail. Since I only finished the last part of the John Muir portion via a backpacking trip from hell that involved a bear taking all our food, I thought it might be a kick. He's not departed, so right now I'm getting a lot of jokes and religious material. The email was a joke that asked you to make a decision about Hillary Clinton as you, a journalist, watched her float by you in a hurricane. Of course you're supposed to believe the question is whether you take the picture of the century or rescue her. The punchline is that the decision is which lens to use on your camera. It was incredibly disquieting, and I spent a little time doing some self-examination: had I ever forwarded something like this? Would I have ever thought it funny?

Tonight a family friend staying with us received a call asking her if she'd been watching the news at all today. When she said, "No," the caller told her that Hillary had been shot. She was allowed to flounder a bit before the caller finally said, "April fools!"

When did wishing people dead become acceptable behavior in civilized society? Has it always been around, or is it a result of taking on behaviors of the people we claim to revile? When I was in middle school I had a teacher who was deeply Democratic. He hated Reagan with every fiber of his being, and could go on for hours about how Reagan was dismantling society. The clearest memory I have of him is when he broke down the day Reagan was shot. "He's still the president," he answered when queried. I like to think of that as a facet of true patriotism: the ability to despise a man and his politics, but still revere the office and believe there are lines that should not be crossed.

This one's gonna be a little more harried and scattered about than usual, so fair warning, and here we go:

I just submitted 3-5 TV movies for addition to the database,

• Mini Rant No. 1: Why do I have to keep track of my show submissions and deletions? How hard would it be to send an email acknowledging receipt? It would make me feel so much better to know it ended up in the right place, and that "Thanks" is sort of taunting when viewed in the retrospect of lost or failed (how would I know which one?) submissions.

and I have to say I was often left mute when asked in the comments section to defend why it should be added to the site. I certainly have no problems waxing lyrical for movies that have been inspired by literature or even original works that rise above the fold, but try getting behind some of the Lifetime and Hallmark Channel offerings.

• Excursion No. 1: So here's my question, shouldn't the very fact it was broadcast/transmitted be enough to justify inclusion on the site? Think of how many unaired projects we have here – and more power to us – but if mere existence isn't a compelling enough reason, I'm not sure what else to say. It also seems like a bit of wasted energy and time I won't get back coming up with a reason that will catch the approval of staff. Either they think it's an important item, or they don't. It's unlikely anything I say will change their minds.
  • Digression within the excursion: I feel the same way about submission comments to editors. Either the quote is funny, trivia important, and/or the note illuminating about the production, or it isn't. If the editor doesn't agree with my take on things, then he or she will reject regardless of my pleas. Perhaps there's a bit of arrogance there, but I like to think it saves some time. God knows they're already combing through a comment filled with enough DIY or debate over clipping to try even a saint's patience. Based on a recent thread, there are editors who expect the prostrating, so I'm lucky I don't contribute to their guides.

Which sort of brings me to the point of the blog – you knew we had to get here eventually. Why does it seem impossible for the cable networks to put out a decent holiday movie? Lifetime did 3 or 4 originals in their Fa La La La Lifetime holiday extravaganza, interspersing these with a couple movies that had their premieres on real networks as far back as 1994. Dismal doesn't even begin to describe how horrible the originals were, especially juxtaposed against the network movies that had a workable budget which meant they hired a writer with actual talent. Even Colin Ferguson couldn't bring joy to his movie. Hallmark had 2-3 new movies this year and reran the two previous years' movies in loops on the weekends of December. Hallmark's writing is marginally better, but they almost always use the same casting company (Perry/Reece) and production house (RHI and Levinson Productions),

• Mini Rant No. 2: I thought USA and TNT were bad with the end credits. Hallmark scrunches their credits down to approximately 1/8 of the screen, maybe 1/5. On my TV they're so small that you can't see the space between the first and second name. It's a little ridiculous to have to buy a new TV in order to complete a guide (so far I've resisted). I will say my hat is off to those of you who regularly collect data for the different Hallmark series. I know the name of a good ophthalmologist if you need one.

so not only do you get lacklustre dialogue, you have actors from the Murder She Wrote era populating the film. On the other hand, they probably know their audience; my mother inexplicably follows the Jane Doe series, the worst of their mystery movie offerings.

Based on the as-yet unfinished slog to clear my DVR of these gems, herewith are my suggestions for anyone making the next holiday treasure:

1. If you run out of dialogue, please just shave the time off the end. You're fooling no one when you do long montages of people trimming trees, walking aimlessly, walking purposefully, etc.
2. The same for songs and performances. I don't care how good the little girl's voice is, one verse is quite enough to convey the mood, and three verses just reinforces that your muse took a holiday (pun sort of intended) . Again, shave the time off the end, or add some fun fact/personal memory there to fill in the time. At least that's interesting.
3. Please (please, please) cast some new talent. I don't mind seeing familiar faces, although I can do without Jason Priestley and Ian Ziering for a good long while, but if the whole cast is made up of actors from Aaron Spelling shows there's already a pall over the production. If your casting agent is too entrenched, then do what Dick Wolf does and visit the local theater. Chances are you'll find an adult or two to fill some key roles who are both talented and new to the television audience. It couldn't hurt to try, eventually the Matlock contingent will no longer be available for parts, best to start preparing now.

So here I am at the end of the year with Christmas movie after Christmas movie to view. I have a feeling this will stretch into the new year. It's amazing to me how few of these are on the site

• Excursion No. 2: I truly believe something different needs to be done with TV Movies. It's impossible to reach the 80 points required to become an editor, and therein lies the rub. This site's carrots are the editor titles and emblems. Sure, there are those of us who would be dumping data regardless, but we are the few. I think one way to foster higher participation would be to lower the requirement for TV Movies to somewhere between 50 and 60 CPs. High enough that you'd have to work to attain the guide, but that it would be achievable for a two-hour production.

I know there's been discussion about how there doesn't need to be an editor if the guide is complete, but if that fact is also preventing shows and movies from even being requested, then the site suffers. Certainly I have had to relinquish, temporarily, some of my control issues while submitting to the TV movie guides. It's hard to know that someone could come behind me and mess with what I've entered just because it tickles their fancy.

which is why I've submitted the ones I mentioned at the beginning of the blog. I suppose if they aren't approved before I need the space on the machine, then hopefully they'll approve them at some point and I'll be able to get to them next year at this time... although I may have to be locked in a padded room after watching them a second time.

I hope everyone who celebrates at this time had wonderful holidays – I guess I can still wish a happy Kwanzaa to some of you – and best wishes to all for the new year. I should also take this opportunity to thank everyone I've worked and socialized with here. Special mention goes out to gabfan31 for her extraordinary assistance on a couple of the guides I like to call mine, her contributions add so much, to brandi1leigh who made transitioning a guide to her care just the most seamless effort, and to paulwj who graciously filled in a missing episode that hadn't aired here and then went the extra mile by adding quotes and cast, you rock! Even if you're not on the list, I appreciate all of you who take the time to contribute to the guides, you make them a better place to visit.

I can't end this without also saying thanks to the editors I submit to, both for their patience (I can be high maintenance) and their tutelage along the way. We all know that I'm horrible about blopping, somehow the data entry always wins the priority game, but I enjoy all of your blogs even if I don't seem to drop by that often. Thanks for sharing your lives so generously. A special shout out to the gang, you know who you are, for keeping the laughter and sanity afloat.

Cheers.

Edits for grammar and punctuation. Thanks Paula!

Full disclosure: about once a year I have a craving for Ding-Dongs. I rarely indulge it, because the whole concept of beef fat in a dessert makes me cringe, but my plebeian palate does take over at times. The thing is, it wasn't even a case of this that led me astray. I'm in the relatively small percentage of people whom Dr. Oz classifies an "undertaster" . It's apparently why I crave tart things.

SO (we eventually reach a point), premade items are rarely tart enough for me, or if they are they disappear quickly, and I tend to try something new in the lemon spectrum at least once. Enter Betty Crocker: and what I thought was just a premade dessert that got warmed in the microwave (I know, I know, read the back of the freaking package!). But nooo, this is batter and frosting packages, and the batter gets mixed with water before being baked in the microwave. That should have been my first clue.

In for a penny, in for a pound I always say (that's an exaggeration at best, but it sounded good), so I gamely tried Betty's creation. It took me back not to fine dining – or even diner grub – but to a taste I haven't experienced since grade school: a cake from an Easy Bake oven. The taste is hard to describe, sort of like a cake that tastes like a cookie with overtones of plastic. It's good to know the advances of technology, like senility, will eventually regress me to childhood.