Wherein Player Peter discusses why he never buys a bad game and why you, the people, should be as discriminating as he is. Not racially.

• 31Mar 09

  Hidden Treasures

  The Playstation and PS2 eras were golden days for gaming, particularly the former. Whilst I was never privvy to it myself, a friend of mine had his Playstation 'chipped', an arcane practice which involved tinkering with the console's insides so that it would play copied games. What it cost him in integrity it made back for him many times over in cash-money; I remember he had literally hundreds of games, most of which had cost him less than £5.

  I suppose it was fear of voiding my warranty that kept me in line (this being pretty much the only muscle Sony had to flex against the pirates) but in a way I'm grateful that I didn't have to waste my time playing the kind of tripe my buddy sifted through to get to the gold. My games were classics one and all, and some of them were so good that you've probably never even heard of them.

  1) Alundra

  Alundra was an action adventure game like nothing I'd ever played before. Critics touted it as the Playstations Zelda, and I suppose they were right: many elements were similar, some might even say derivative. However Alundra had a couple of tricks Zelda didn't; the first was an enthralling and complex plot which tied together the dungeon diving and overworld exploring, and the second was a punishing level of difficulty which meant the feeling of satisfaction upon completing virtually any part of the game was overwhelming. Up until the advent of Twilight Princess, I would honestly say (even discounting my obvious nostalgia) that Alundra was the best action adventure of all time.

  2) Soul Reaver

  OK, I hold my hands up here: most of you have probably heard of this. That said, its worth remembering that the series popularity didn't really kick off until a little while after Soul Reaver's release. The complicated web of titular anarchy that made the series hard to follow is hereby dispelled: First came Blood Omen. Then Soul Reaver. Soul Reaver 2 followed on the PS2, the Blood Omen 2 (Arguably the weakest of the series). Finally the rape of the franchise ended with Legacy of Kain: Defiance. People who've only played latter editions of the vampire themed romp probably don't see it as anything special, but Soul Reaver stood out and still stands out as a top notch action adventure: the graphics were lush for their time, and the game was one of the first to feature just one huge open world, devoid of levels or constant loading screens. The story was of course fantastic, the bosses and characters compelling, and the combat and platforming great fun. It's just a shame that an otherwise golden series was transformed into a tacky and atypical vampire story akin in my eyes to Twilight or anything by Anne Rice. Oh Kain's a vampire? Well he simply MUST have a bulging yet diturbingly palesix pack!

  3) Beyond Good and Evil

  Brilliant, simply brilliant. You played as Jade, a reporter set to uncover a conspiracy that threatens the safety of her entire planet. You do this by indulging in a thrilling variety of game styles; Beyond Good and Evil features elements of RPGs, racing, sneaking, and typical action adventure as well as the ongoing sidequest of photographing every species on the planet which is a source of constant joy whenever you stumble across a rare fly buzzing around in the corner of some shadowy catacomb. It's suddenly occured to me that just about all these games are classed (by me at least) as action adventures. What problem do you plebs have with action? Or is it adventure that grinds your gears?

  4) Psychonauts

  This tends to be the reason that games reviewers hate you. One of the funniest, most imaginative, original games for the PS2, and it sold like hot cakes that have gone cold. On paper it was a simple action adventure(naturally)/platformer sort of hybrid, but the inclusion of psychic powers and a dark sense of humour made Psychonauts stand out. Stand out to anyone who knows anything about games at least. You bumberclarks just kept on buying John Madden Whatever Year It Was Then, oblivious to the fact that YOU ARE MURDERING THE GAMES INDUSTRY. YOUR CLAMMY HANDS ARE WRAPPED AROUND ITS BRITTLE NECK AND YOU ARE CHOKING THE LIFE OUT OF THE GAMES INDUSTRY.

  There are others I could mention (Primal for PS2 springs to mind) but I think I've made my point. Visit the pages for these games, find out more about them, and for Science's sake buy them from whatever bargain basement you can find them in. I don't care if you have to journey to the far shores of Erathia and slay the golden dragon of Imo'tek'ha, it'll be worth it once you get them into your console. I GUARANTEE IT.

  Next time we'll begin our educational foray into the meaning of Good Games with the Wii's flagship freebie, Wii Sports.

  • Posted Mar 31, 2009 6:01 am GMT
  • Category: Games
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• 26Mar 09

  Prerequisites for Participation

  It's been literally seconds since I posted part one of my gaming tour de force (though it will almost certainly be minutes before I hit the Submit button, meaning you're reading what I wrote before you were capable of reading it...it's like time travel!) and already I need to make an addendum.

  There are certain games released prior to the current generation of consoles which were perfect examples of the kind of thing I anticipate being heavily overlooked on the Wii. Games of overwhelmingly high quality which were apparently too good for proles like you and as a consequence sold abysmally, passing into the annals of gaming history without even denting the Armour Of Stupidity+1 worn by your average consumer. I've decided before I address the situation at hand I should take a look at some of these forgotten classics of the PS/PS2 era and let you know why if you didn't buy them you deserve to be euthanized.

  I'm not kidding. I will track your IP address, locate your house and murder you in your sleep.

  JOKE. I know NOTHING about computers.

  Or do I?

  No I don't.

  ...although I did take Computer Science III.

  Nah, I'm just fooling.

  ...

  • Posted Mar 26, 2009 7:33 am GMT
  • Category: Games
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• 26Mar 09

  Wii're Not Gonna Take It!

  No wii're not gonna take it!

  Wii're not gonna take it! Anymoooooorrree!

  Let the gospel of 80's hair rock band Twisted Sister ring loud and true! If you haven't heard of them you're too young for complicated toys like the internet, go home to your mother. Actually chances are if you're on the internet you're already at home. Still, go check on your mother; she worries about you.

  Already you're probably asking yourself why you allowed your eyes to be drawn to the blog entry with the painfully obvious pun, so I'll segway straight to the point. As a youth I lived in a world where gaming was an expensive and much shunned occupation of time. The console wars raged much as they do today, but the warriors were very different. Well somewhat different. Rather than the menage et trois of Nintendo, Sony and Microsoft we bear witness to today, Nintendo and Sega were the twin gods of the gaming world (I know little of the ancient deities known as Atari and Coleco, though portents carved in the leathery skin of their developers cold dead bodies speak of a time when they shall be reborn and walk the earth again).

  At the time very few people owned more than one console; either you were a Nintendo player or a Sega player, and that worked out fine for me since I didn't own either but rather habitually visited friends with both. I say friends. They were really just people that I knew with a SNES or a Megadrive (you might know it as Genesis). The point I'm labouriously getting to is that nobody was duel wielding these badboys, and whilst today its a lot more common that a fella has two or even all three of the major consoles my primitive sensibilities won't allow me to buy more than one of any given generation. Last time around I went with the Playstation 2, and before that the Playstation, both of which I consider to be wise choices. This time I've hedged my bets on the Wii.

  As a consequence of this I seem to have lost all integrity in the eyes of the gaming community. "No hardcore gamer ye!" they cry. "Listen ye to bubblegum pop as thou playest?" they inquire. "Knowest thou not that Wii means urine?!" they screech until my virtual ears seep with crimson vitriol. Well yes I am, no I don't and I think you'll find thats wee with two e's.

  I'm not a rich man. I don't buy every game that comes out. I am selective, which is why that connoisseur badge you see on my profile is better deserved than most. As a result the fact that the Wii's game catalogue features heavy showings from the Bratz and cobbled together minigame collections is not of tremendous consequence to my enjoyment of the console. Get this: you don't HAVE to buy thatjunk. If you stack up every game made so far for the Wii, PS3 and Xbox 360 it's true that the Wii comes out weakest on the 'hardcore' gaming front. THAT SAID, what it does have are a selection of what are in my opinion top quality games, certainly enough to satisfy my tastes. Over the coming weeks AND months I'll be taking a look at each and every game I own for the Wii in excruciating detail and explaining to you, the baying, drooling, unsophisticated masses, precisely why they are all awesome. You might argue that this would constitute reviewing the games, and hence belongs in the review section. You are welcome to suck my balls with all the passion and righteous indignation with which you would deliver that point.

  Roll on Wii Sports!

  • Posted Mar 26, 2009 7:24 am GMT
  • Category: Rant
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