*Pikachu and I sit on a couch with our little ones Bub and Bob inbetween us*

*Bob is throwing up*

*We're trying to get paid though so we're just going to sit here and whisper threats until he stops out of fear. Even if he has to swallow it back down*

(No Diane Sawyer we would not like to take a minute out to take care of our son. Ask us questions chick.)

Diane: "Ummm....excus---"

Me: That's a thought bubble Diane Sawyer. You can't hear my thought bubbles Diane Sawyer. Please don't make me get naturally original on this live television program Diane Sawyer.

Diane: My word.....

Me: No. They're my words and you'd best recognize before I get Katie Couric all up in this piece.....

*Later That Night*

Wolf Blitzer: I don't know if Bob can hear me, on account of the fact that he's vomiting rather loudly and profusely, but ask him if he heard either you or Pikachu calling his name at any point in time during this ordeal.

Pikachu: No........

Me: ??? No sweety. He can answer it. Shhh Shhhhhh now.

Me: *Sigh* Okay Bob. He's asking you a question. The hairy wolf guy wants to know if you heard us calling your name.

(You better say no god darnit.)

Bob: "ummmm........yes i said...........we did it for the blog......."

Pikachu: "No......."

Me: "Ah man.........."

(After I wear your tail out later tonight, my hand isn't going to be no more good boy)

Wolf Blitzer: I don't know if he can hea--

Me: NO WOLF!!!! HE CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!! HOW MANY FREAKING TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO PREFACE A QUESTION TO MY KIDS WITH, "I don't know if he can hear me......."----JESUS CHRIST! IF HE COULD HEAR YOU, WOULD I BE CONSTANTLY REPEATING YOUR CONVOLUTED QUESTIONS TO HIM? YOUR QUESTIONS WHICH YOU TAKE 45 MINUTES TO GET OUT THAT ONLY TAKE ME 2 SECONDS TO GET OUT?!!? JESUS CHRIST!!!!

Pikachu: *Speaks something in broken English that I don't dare try and translate because he just murdered that sentence and I don't need to be anywhere near another crime scene*

Me: Look Wolf. I see the direction you guys are heading with this and I'm quite offended.

Wolf: You don't look offended. I see no emotion.

Me: I'm sorry Wolf. Emotion? You're speaking on emotion? When is the last time someone was able to detect emotion through all of that pubic hair on your face? The next time Hafferty tells a joke, LAUGH GOD DARNIT! Jesus Christ!

Wolf: I just wanted to know what Bob meant by the, "we did it for the blog", comment.

Pikachu: No....... ( 'o')('o' )( 'o')

Me: Yes honey.....we're screwed. Stop talking now. Nobody can understand you when you speak. Just sit there and look Asian.

(What was I thinking picking up the first thing I saw in acting school.......and why didn't I finish? Maybe I would have been more believable.......and maybe Pikachu would have learned English)

Wolf: Excuse me?

Me: JESUS CHRIST! HAS ANYONE NEVER HEARD OF A PRIVATE THOUGHT BUBBLE?!?!?!?!?

Pikachu: Po' Po' at do' ( '')('' )( '')

Me: Jesus Christ........

Pikachu: OOOoooohhhhh.....prewty silva braslits......

(He's going to make someone a nice wife in prison) ( -_-)