• 11Mar 13

  Why buy a Vita?

  You've been planning that murder for a while now, and the only thing holding you back is working out how to make that insanity plea work. You've tried listening to Mumford Sons and being a Liverpool fan, but, for some reason, everyone still thinks you're sane. When you buy a Playstation Vita there will be no doubts that you are completely bonkers.

                                       

  The screen, like most screens, is reflective and so you can see your beautiful, chiselled face in it. Oh no wait. That's just my face. You'd want to avoid looking at your own face as much as possible.

   

  Touch screens are the only way you can feel anything anymore.

   

  Chie can kick a tank into space.

   

  The power cord could probably work as a noose to end your horrible, worthless existence.

   

  Chie can kick a tank into space.

   

  There are two analog sticks. TWO.  Thats twice as many as one. Handhelds are finally up to date with the beginning of this millennium.

   

  CHIE CAN KICK A TANK INTO SPACE

   

  I wish Chie would kick you into space.

  • Posted Mar 11, 2013 1:42 pm GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 9Mar 13

  How to be good at videogames

  1.       It's pretty important for you to have fingers. I'd even go as far as to say it's vital. They're needed for pressing on the buttons (I'll explain this action later) and are they only way to do so. No, your nose is not a replacement for fingers. Nor are your toes. Sorry, this is just how the world is.

  2.        Having fingers is a good start but fingers on their own aren't enough to be a great game-person. They need to be attached to something. Well call these things "hands", which in turn need to be connected to "arms" (Google it), and they need to be coupled with a body, preferably your own.  

  3.       William Shakespeare is dire at videogames. Shocking I know. The reason for this is because he's not alive. Try to be alive if you want to be good at videogames.

  4.       Make sure you're playing a videogame. You can't be good at a videogame if you're not playing a videogame.

  5.       Videogames are about pressing buttons. No, not chocolate buttons. No, not the buttons on your clothes either.  Please stop interrupting me. They appear on a controller (basically a lump of plastic that makes magic happen) which you hold in your "hands" (see 2). You hold the controller in both "hands". Try to use an even amount of pressure; not too hard, but not too soft. Don't be worried about getting this wrong. Unless you hold it too hard and end up crushing the controller, embedding splintered plastic in your freakishly powerful "hands". If that happens you can be worried.

  6.       You want to push these buttons (see 5) with your fingers (see 1). Again pressure is key. Too soft and nothing will happen. Too hard and you will most likely penetrate the controller. This will most likely lead to you losing your finger. As we've established fingers are crucial for videogames. If you lose a finger you will not be as good at videogames.

  7.        Is it really worth all this hassle to be good at videogames? The chance of losing a finger, or at least seriously maiming yourself, seems too high. I'd just stick with your competitive cup stacking. 

  • Posted Mar 9, 2013 3:01 pm GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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• 3Mar 13

  Kanji Tatsumi: It ain't a matter of guys or chicks

  Carolyn Petit in her recent article (Denial of the Self: Queer Characters in Persona 4) criticised Kanjis character for his rejection of homosexuality, as she believes it sends the message that homosexuality is shameful and should not be accepted.  This is not the impression that I got from my own experiences with Persona 4. Youre own reaction to a game is personal and influenced by who you are, and what you have experienced. If you can back up why you feel a certain way, as Carolyn has done, then it is valid. Multiple interpretations are a good thing. Very few games require you to think beyond what is directly shown, and so for two people to have conflicting readings shows a depth to the narrative that can only be positive.

  My personal interpretation of Kanji is that his story arc is focused, not on his sexuality, but on the societal expectations imposed on him because of his gender.

  Persona 4 certainly strongly suggests that Kanji is gay Throughout the entirety of his dungeon there is a heavy emphasis on Kanjis sexuality. With his shadow-self making frequent suggestions of his homosexuality. He even takes on a lisp and more effeminate appearance to mimic the stereotypical view of homosexuals. The game really drives home the homosexual nature of his shadow-self with the appearance that his boss form takes. It uses two mars symbols as weapons as is flanked by two hulking, scantily clad body builders.

  Yet, Kanji is probably not a homosexual.  His shadow self is only a fragment of himself and this fragment is derived, not from his own thoughts and feelings, but from those of others. He recalls the mockery that he has suffered at the hands of girls: You like to sew? What a queer and You dont act like a guy  The fact he does not conform to the social expectations of what it is to be a man is met with the assertions that he then cant be a normal man, and so cant be straight.  Shadow Kanji raises the questions of What does it mean to be a guy? What does it mean it be manly? The answer we are given is that to be manly you have to meet the social expectations of what men do. You cannot, as Kanji does, engage in pastimes that are seen as girly. Society needs to categorise, and when you step outside the lines of one category you are just moved to another. 

  • Posted Mar 3, 2013 9:59 am GMT
  • Category: Editorial
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