NOTE: I apologize for any mistakes in my text while writing this. It's hard for me to see if I've misspelled a word when I'm seeing so much red right now.

Dead Rising, Left 4 Dead, Resident Evil, Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, Yakuza: Dead Souls, and now Fire Emblem: Awakening. How long can this go on?

Now I won't lie to you--note that none of this blog has a single lie in it; you're welcome--but I have not played Fire Emblem: Awakening. And since I haven't played this game, that means there must be something wrong with it. And that something is zombies.

Yes, Nintendo has finally jumped into the Straight of Japan or whatever the hell they have around there, if they have water at all. They have joined the ranks of Capcom and every other Japanese publisher on Earth, including the ones outside of Japan, in fisting an American flag right up their newest release's B-hole.

Our game all about perma-death now runs rampant with the un-prema-dead. Fire Emblem: Awakening is the first game in the storied franchise to be developed outside of Japan by Waffle Fries and Beer Studios, best known for their Android App game Pull my Finger and I'll Sh*t Myself. This is to be the first part of an epic money-grabbing trilogy following these characters whose names I don't know, because I haven't played the game and they're probably some eighteen-syllable garbled mess in that made-up Asian language, through their journey to fight the undead.

The game has two horrible modes: CIit, where when your troops die they come back as un-re-kill-able zombies who clear the entire map for you for the rest of the game, and Wrist-Cutter, where if one of your best units dies he'll come back as a zombie against your team and kill everyone; this mode also features a Quick Save Only feature that deletes itself if you lose, so you have to start the game all over again every time.

On top of all this, you're fighting with guns. That's right, the rampant Westernificationization (which is a word because I wrote it with my fingers) has pushed the series into the world of Modern Warfare. The worst part is that they haven't even changed the time period of the game for any of these additions, so you're following all the what's-their-names through these castles strapping machine guns and shooting zombies through the 4-hour campaign--but don't worry Nintendo has a lengthy DLC plan for the game that you can get in on for a one-time-only price of the intestines of your mother shipped via UPS--and the kicker is YOU HAVE TO PAY THE SHIPPING!

So, it's sad to see a series that has been around since Super Smash Bros: Mele come to such a terrible end. Nintendo took a fantastic SJRPGNSFW franchise from the soaring heights of extreme pleasure and pain down to something totally "brain-dead."

P.S: That above is a pun that I wrote, because I'm a really good writer of words and stuff.